It’s OK

It’s OK to like what you see in the mirror.

No matter your size, hair, shape of your whatever or shade of your skin.

It’s OK to love yourself exactly as you are right here, right now.

No matter how much the magazines and adverts tell you there’s room for improvement.

It’s OK to have a photoshoot and feel like a model.

It’s OK to strut your stuff down the street like it’s a runway.

It’s OK to feel hot. It’s OK to feel sexy as…

Even though ‘they’ think you could be more.

Or worse, he says he doesn’t think you’re hot.

Let me repeat, IT’S OK TO THINK YOU’RE THE SHIZZLE!

Who am I kidding? It’s not OK.

It’s better than OK.

It’s frigging awesome!

I am perfectly made.

You are perfectly made.

Do not let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

And if you do, please stop telling others how they could be better.

Or that they don’t meet a standard.

I’m sure standards were just created as a means of control.

I wonder if each one of us loved ourselves fully, completely and without conditions.

What impact would that have on the world?

Surely we’d then see our capacity to love others.

We’d be able to let go of resentment and envy.

Comparison, the killer of self-love, would diminish.

Thank goodness!

What if?

For now, I’m going to keep loving myself as I am.

Right here.

Right now.

Shadows and all.

Lumps and all.

Wrinkles and all.

Wobbly bits and all.

Bright eyes and all.

Thick thighs and all.

Wild hair and all.

Is that OK?

No, It’s not OK.

IT’S FRIGGING AWESOME!

Thanks for reading x

Oh No, Cardio

On Tuesday afternoon our Crossfit coach sends us a message to the group we’ve created on Whatsapp. This isn’t unusual. We normally send messages this way. What was unusual was that she was giving us a heads up as to what to expect in training on Wednesday. She never warns us. We prefer not knowing what to expect. I don’t like giving the voices in my head any material to work with in their attempt to put me off going to the gym.

Ah we do have fun.

The workout? Well it went something like this…

Warm-up

Running

Then

1 round – skipping

1 round – foot work: bob & weave

1 round – combo of 30s each of:

• fast punches
• mountain climbers
• plank

2 rounds – bag work

1 round – pads

Then

core + push-ups + divine stretching to finish

It wasn’t as awful as we’d both thought it would be but I’d rather not know what’s coming. After the workout we went and had coffee in celebration of Tracey’s birthday the day before. Good times.

Thanks for reading x

Thrusting

That title made me laugh. This is another fitness post. Be warned.

Right, you’re still here. Yay! This was yet another epic training session. Let me take you through it.

Warm-up

• skipping (I tried the plastic rope this time as I usually use the fabric ones. What a difference! I’m going to buy myself a rope so that I can practice my double unders. Yes, I just said that.)
• pigeon stretches (I love that today’s warm-up involved stretches.)
• samson stretches (At this point I wondered what coach had in store for us.)

Strength

• thrusters

Turns out we were going to work up to a 1 rep max on my thruster. Woo! Starting with the bar, we worked to 20kg, then 30kg, then 40kg, then 50kg! Yeah baby! 50kg thruster! I think I’ve got more in me so we’ll work on getting 60kg. Yes, I just said that too.

Conditioning: 21-15-9

• calories on rower
• wall balls
• medicine ball sit-ups

This time I aced those wall balls! I even managed to do the 15 and 9 sets without taking a breather.

Loved. Every. Second.

No one took any photos of this session so I guess I’ll have to work to that 60kg 1RM thruster. You know, so that there’s evidence. Ha ha.

After sweaty hugs with coach Frances and training partner Tracey, I spent some alone time at the beach. I took my shoes off in the car and walked down the walkway. Bad idea. Over 30 degrees Celsius means very hot tar. My feet were burnt underneath but thankfully I could soothe them in the sea. I’m going to miss this place.

Thanks for reading x

A Shorts Story

I love the feeling that I am enough. I love knowing and accepting that I am perfectly made and so I don’t do crossfit to fit my body into a mould. I crossfit (yes, it’s used as a verb these days) because I love moving my body and finding out what it can do.

The journey of self-acceptance isn’t an easy one, especially if you’ve got 30+ years of believing that there’s a better version of yourself to be created. Sometimes you have to jump straight in, right? Or maybe not. I had a training session at the gym yesterday and while I wanted to wear my shorts, I decided to wear my normal tights instead. The reason? I had to take Baby Girl to pre-school and I wasn’t comfortable walking through the school with my shorts on.

After I dropped her off, I was still too early for my session so I opted to go to the beach instead of coffee shop to do some work. I was getting hot in my tights so decided to change into my shorts while sitting in the car. Much better! If you’re wondering what the point is, it’s coming.

Time came for me to make my way to my crossfit box. It was a glorious day. The windows were down and the wind was blowing my hair. Bliss. Then I felt something on my leg. I looked down, rubbed the area. Nothing. Maybe an insect that flew out? It happened again. Then it hit me. It was the wind. I had denied myself the right to wear shorts for so long that my legs didn’t even know what it felt like to have the wind caressing them. Isn’t that just sad? It’s such a lovely feeling when you realise that it’s not an insect. Ha ha. I’m just glad that, a few days shy of turning 40, I finally know that all legs are ‘shorts legs.’

Kahlil Gibran, in my favourite book The Prophet, speaks of Clothes. Before, I loved what he said. Now, I get it.

Thanks for reading x

Go Shorty

Last week was pretty big for me for a number of reasons. The biggest thing for me wasn’t the new PBs but the fact that I wore shorts. Then posted pictures and videos of me in them on Facebook and Instagram. In my mind, I completely opened myself up for criticism but figured that it’s got to be all or nothing on this path of total self acceptance that I’m on. There was no criticism, just support.

Wednesday’s session was awesome! Here’s what it looked like:

Warm-up

• 400m run
• bear crawls
• duck walk
• OH squats

Super Complex

• Clean
• Front squat
• Push press
• OH squat

Conditioning

• 1000m row; then 3 rounds of
• 20 kb swings
• 60 plate hops

I failed on 30kg with the OH squat in the complex. So we racked the bar and I tried it again and did it!

I remember when I first started lifting. I hung out in the ladies area of the first gym I went to, never wanting to go too heavy in case I failed. Then, when I joined the next gym, I was too scared to go to the ‘muscle area’ because I didn’t want to fail and look stupid. I always tried to get to the gym when I knew it would be empty so there’d be less people to see what I was doing. I’m so glad that I now know that failure isn’t final and that it’s the failures that bring success. I’m also fortunate to have a great team backing my journey – my coach Frances and training partner Tracey.

Thanks for reading x

Cleaning Up

For those who didn’t check the category…this is a fitness post. 

If you’re still reading, hey there! 

Monday’s training was awesome. More so because I was tired from the night before, went swimming in the morning and then killed it in the gym after. Whoo!

My training partner, Tracey, was still a bit under the weather but showed up anyway. *fist bump* 

Here’s what we did…

Warm-up: 5 then  10

• Squat 
• Push-ups 
• Step-ups 

Skill – Power Clean 

• 5 x 15kg
• 5 x 20kg
• 5 x 25kg
• 5 x 35kg
• 5 x 40kg
• 3 x 45kg
• 2 x 50kg 

WOD – 30sec each

• Box jumps 
• Ring rows 
• Rest 

• Kb overhead swing 
• Front rack lunge 
• Rest 

• Hanging knee raises
• Kb push press 
• Rest 

• Sumo deadlift high pull 
• Wall balls 
• Rest 

• Burpees 
• Plate hops
• Die 

OK, I didn’t die and I felt totally awesome  (and sweaty) after this session. I did my first ever box jump after thinking that I couldn’t 💪 Life is good.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Michelle Black | Your Emotional Freedom Guide (@beingmichellenicola)

Thanks for reading  x

Solo WOD

Yesterday I trained without my training partner Tracey as she is contending with a mean virus. It was just her kind of workout though so it’s a pity that she missed it. Coach had set up before I arrived and waiting for me was the b!tch bike. I hate it like nothing else in that Crossfit box but surprisingly we were friends yesterday.

Warm-up > 3 rounds of:

• 5 calories b!tch bike
• 10 squats
• 10 push-ups

Strength – front squat:

• 15kg x 5
• 25kg x 5
• 35kg x 5
• 45kg x 5
• 55kg x 5 then…

every minute on the minute (EMOM) for 5 rounds…

• 60kg x 3

WOD – EMOM for 5 rounds

• 10 front rack lunges
• 5 cal b!tch bike
• 6 barbel snatches

Rarrrrr!

Awesome awesome awesome workout!

I love feeling strong!

5 shades of sweat. Lol

Thanks for reading x

Gone Swimming

Baby Girl has recently started going for swimming lessons. She loved her first lesson so much that she cried for 15 minutes because she didn’t want to leave. It was heartbreaking. Her cries were so absolutely heart sore that, yes, I signed her up for an additional block of classes. Now she goes twice a week.

We both love the water and one of our favourite activities is going to the beach. But here’s the problem…I can’t swim 

Yes, I’m a 39 year old from Cape Town and grew up near the beach and I can’t swim.  (You can get over it now and lift your jaw up from the floor.) I have this great desire to swim but also this deep seated fear of deep water. I remember going for swimming lesson at school and doing everything I could to avoid them. If I didn’t get to avoid them, I always tried to be the one to go last and then make my way to the wall as quickly as possible to hold on for dear life.

Not that long ago, on Sunday mornings, I would walk to the local ‘Cally Pool’ for swimming lessons and just know that it wasn’t really going to happen. This time was different. This time, as a healer, I have tools to help me acknowledge and overcome my fears. So I used them and they worked. The Monday night before my Tuesday morning lesson, I used EFT to work on all the fears I had that stopped me from being a swimmer. The video below is me, minutes into my first 30 minute swimming lesson.

OK, so not many people knew about my swimming (in)ability and it’s a pretty big thing for me to share this on here. But today, I received a message to ‘come out of the closet’ and this is me tiptoeing out.

Oh, and now I CAN swim! 

Thanks for reading x

Boxing Time

If there’s one thing I know about a boxing session, it’s that I’ll end up with sore calves when the DOMS set it. I wasn’t wrong! I love boxing and it really gets my heart racing and I work up a very satisfying sweat.

Warm-up

• skipping – 2 rounds
• shadow boxing – 1 round
• bags – 2 rounds

Circuit – 3 rounds 

• wall balls
• rope
• sit-ups
• kb overhead swings

I don’t know what happened but I sucked royally at wall balls. I think I managed 1, maybe 2. It’s not like I haven’t done them before. Just one of those days? Maybe. I guess that’s the only explanation. So I ended up subbing them with ball thrusters which was much better.

Ah well, I’ll just do them next time 🙂

Oh, I just remembered that I also ended up running outside for about 200m with a ball and I have no idea why.

OK, so there are no pics of this session where Tracey’s son Mike joined us. At the end of training, Mike and Tracey gifted me with 3 beautiful crystals including a stunning amethyst cluster which I’m holding in the photo below.

Sweaty hugs!

Thanks for reading x

The WOD That Was

Ok, so this post is over a week overdue now. But better late than never, right? It was Monday 11th January and we were ready. Here goes:

Warm-up (2 minutes each)

• skipping
• b!tch bike
• row
• sit-ups,

then we did… 10-20-30

• spiderman stretches
• inchworm push-ups
• ring rows
• dragonflies

WOD – work 3 minutes, rest 2 minutes for 3 rounds – 6-9-12-etc

• kb thrusters
• kb swings
• knee raises

Geez! It was a great workout. I loved it and hated it but loved it more. My stats for the WOD were:

• round 1 – 36 reps
• round 2 – 47 reps
• round 3 – 41 reps

That was all I could manage but I felt good getting 40+ for 2/3 rounds. Tracey, my training partner, looked so elegant doing knee raises – almost like she’s dancing. Cute.

Thanks for reading x

On Goals

A letter to my Crossfit coach.

Dear Frances,

When I came to SA, I had a vision of losing at least 20kg and becoming a Crossfit ‘shero’. Someone who inspires other people on their fitness journey. Someone with OMG transformation pictures. When I joined the CEY box, I really felt like this was the place to make these dreams a reality.

And these dreams needed to become a reality. From having to have my school clothing made because there weren’t sizes big enough for me to being taken, in my pre-teens, to some swanky house where promises of Cambridge diet shakes would make me thin. And finally, when your husband finds himself a girlfriend 15 years younger and many kilograms lighter than you, while you’re still married to him, clearly there’s a problem. With you. Right?

Yes, I know that’s not true…mostly.

Deep down I believed that to be more attractive, more lovable, more worthy, I needed to lose weight.

Never mind the fact that I’m strong, healthy, lovable and worthy JUST AS I AM.

I know that as a personal trainer and coach, your work is to transform people. I wanted you to know that even though my transformation isn’t obviously visible, you’re doing a great job with me. My transformation, you see, is internal. It’s emotional, it’s mental. Because you are you, you’re helping me to be more me.

Part of my journey while here in SA, I’ve realised, is to FINALLY realise that I AM ENOUGH, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM WORTHY, I AM LOVABLE, I AM LOVED and I AM PERFECTLY MADE.

And so, my goals have nothing to do with changing my body and everything to do with what this amazing vessel, muscles, fat, bones, the works, can do.

MY GOALS:

Deadlift 115kg

Back Squat 90kg

Run 5kg (haven’t run since having baby)

Snatch 45kg

Push up variations x 10 with perfect form

Front Squat 75 kg (just added this today)

Power Clean 60kg

If my weight doesn’t change at all in our time together then please don’t ever think of either of us as failures. We’ve come a long way over these few months.

Besides, I can deadlift 105kg which makes me totally awesome.

With love and blessings and hippie vibes.

Michelle 

—

*^^*

Spread LOVE…nothing else is more worthy.

Perfectly made me 🙂

Thanks for reading x

Clarity

I don’t belong here.

Thanks for reading x

Beach WOD

A message yesterday afternoon confirmed that today’s workout would be happening on the beach. Woo! Excited? Yes, but I was slightly reluctant at the fact that it would also likely be full of people and I’m used to having an empty box when I’m training.

It was great! I was reunited with my training partner after been apart for a few weeks with the holidays. She showed up despite been attacked by a pretty nasty virus that has her temperature soaring and getting dizzy spells – she’s pretty hardcore! Her lovely son joined us as well. He’s hardcore too…I wonder where he gets it from? 😉

Here’s what we did…

• 1.5km run
• 50 shoulder taps
• 40 lunges
• 30 sit-ups
• 20 push-ups
• 10 x 10m burpee sprints
• 1 min elbow plank
• 1 min each side plank
• 30 crunches
• 30 reverse crunches

Then we ran into the sea! Bliss!

During

After

Thanks for reading x

First Session 2016

So my first Crossfit PT session for the year didn’t go so well. It was at 11am and although Baby Girl and I woke up later that usual, there was still enough time for me to get ready. Between seeing to her and getting ready, there was no time to eat anything. Big mistake!

The training session went something like this…

Warm-up

3 min row

• Strength (bar only)
• 10 x deadlift
• 10 x push press
• 10 x front squat

WOD

• 12 cal row
• 12 thrusters

repeat ↑ 3 times then 2 min rest

• prowler 7 times up and down

then 2 min rest

• 15 cal row
• deadli…….

That’s all I could manage. After the prowler I  wasn’t sure if I wanted to faint or throw up and I couldn’t stop yawning. I was meant to deadlift then push press then front squat but every time I went down for the deadlift, the motion made me feel ill. And so that was that. First session was ok but I didn’t finish.

I was upset that I didn’t finish and also that I didn’t fuel properly for the session. I’ve trained without breakfast before but then the session was much earlier (and I don’t do it often).  Anyway, this is how we learn, right?

I was thinking about it while lying in bed after I got home (I just needed to rest) and this came to mind. It made me laugh.

Next workout is on the beach tomorrow morning. I’ll be preparing everything for breakfast before I go to bed. Wish me luck!

Thanks for reading x

Ah Books

I’v been doing a lot of reading these past six months. A LOT! I do plan to write a little post on books that have made the biggest impact on my life, but right now I’m still reading a few of them.

One of my best friends, Chantal, introduced me to a book called ‘Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls’ by Jes Baker. Wow! The first book on body positivism that I’ve read and it’s left me wanting to read more. By the way, this book is for males and females of all sizes. I walk around looking at people passing by,and I smile while thinking, “Every body is beautiful.” I now have a list of other books I want to read but also, I have a list of things I want to do to. Previously these things fell into the realm of “I couldn’t do that because…(too big/too fat/etc)” Well screw that! This Girl Can! Thanks, Jes Baker. *fist bump*

Ok, the next book is called ‘Code Red: Know Your Flow, Unlock Your Monthly Super Powers and Create a Bloody Amazing Life. Period” by Lisa Lister. I couldn’t put it down. Ever read a book and things just make sense now that someone else has said it to you? That’s what happened for me. I also think the reason why I’m only interested in this kinda thing now is because I’m free of any fake hormones in my body after having Baby Girl. Oh, in case it wasn’t clear, this book is about menstruation and the cyclical nature of women. There’s a section near the end that was written by her husband for men. I suggest if men want to understand women better, buy the book and read the whole thing but pay special attention to the dudespeak bit that he writes.

So this all brings me to today. It’s been a beautifully hot day in Cape Town. Where I live, it was about 38°C when we were heading to the beach. Pumped with body positivism and the knowledge that I am perfectly made and the fact that I’m ovulating which makes me feel super awesome 😉 I hit the beach IN A TWO PIECE!!

OK, the bottoms were board shorts but this is still a first for me. I wasn’t in a foreign country. I was minutes away from where I live and could easily have bumped into someone I knew and I didn’t care. I sat on the sand playing with Baby Girl. Ran after her on the beach. Walked to the showers without covering up. I felt positively liberated! (see what I did there?)

I already know that I am a role model for Baby Girl but I need to step it up. It makes me sad when I hear a beautiful 11 year old joke about her stretch marks. Joke or not, it’s already on her radar. It’s not an easy road, what with all the advertising showing us what ‘perfect’ looks like, but I’ll be adding my voice to the body love movement.

We were having so much fun today that there wasn’t time to take any pics. Below are some that I took in the changing room while trying on swimsuits. I had no intention of posting them on a public forum until now. They were just sent to a few close friends for feedback before I handed over my money.

Thanks for reading x

Patience

Baby Girl and I went to the mall this morning. I usually try and go on my own but there were a couple of things I wanted to do and she’d been asking to go to the coffee shop and ride around in the special car trolleys they have there. So I figured today would be a bit of a treat. It was and we both enjoyed the time together. By the time we got back home, I was ready for her to nap. Turns out she had other ideas.

Baby Girl decided that mommy needed a lesson in patience. It’s another hot day (I’m not complaining) here in Cape Town so it takes a while for her to settle down anyway. First she needed to cool down – her words – once we got inside. Then it was time to be a butterfly and run around. A snack of a few penguin shaped crackers (as you do) was next.

In the meantime, in between all of these different activities, I’m going to the bedroom pretending to nap and hoping that she’d follow suit. No dice. Not even boobies could entice her to remain on the bed for longer than a few minutes.

Two and a half hours later, she’s sleeping. Woo! In her own time. As I was lying in bed next to her watching her drift away, I realised that she teaches me something everyday. Sometimes it’s the same thing over and over because, clearly, I’m not learning the lesson. So today, off the back of a really pleasant morning and without getting exasperated by the fact that I’m slightly hot and bothered and would like her to sleep, I learned the lesson.

Don’t force it. It’ll happen. Be patient.

Butterfly

Thanks for reading x

2015

There are only a few minutes left for 2015 and there’s a lot of “I can’t wait to see the back of 2015” going around. There’s also a lot of “New Year, New You (Me)” too which I’m not subscribing to this time around. But more on that later.

I think that there are those who feel I’m in the ‘can’t wait..bye bye 2015’ camp, but I’m not. 2015 had shitty moments, absolutely. Doesn’t every year? But by no means was 2015 shitty for me. This year has been transformational. I am so grateful for all the lessons. Thankful for the highs and the lows (yes, those too) because it’s really the lows that have pushed me to see my own strength and step into my power.

I did a little exercise earlier this month to consolidate the year that was coming to a close and here’s what came…

I am grateful…

• that I am financially abundant
• for the courage that I have to meet life’s challenges
• for my intuition and the ability to listen to it and act on it
• for the support I receive
• for being able to see the blessings in the journey of ending this phase of my relationship with LB
• for being blessed with Myka

I acknowledge myself for…

• trusting and acting on my intuition
• being the mother that I am
• being more me
• building a new relationship with LB
• saying “yes” to me
• saying “no” to what doesn’t serve me
• the healer that I am

Deep breath. Aaaaah. Smile.

Be blessed everyone. See you on the other side. We’re going to be OK.

Thanks for reading x

Christmas WOD

My last Crossfit personal training session for the year was a solo one 😦 My training partner was under doctor’s orders to stay home so it was just me and coach. The board was full so I had no idea what was my workout or if any of them was for me. I just had to wait and see.

Warm-up

• 1km row

WOD – it was on the board…aptly named ’10 days till Christmas’. It looked simple enough until she explained it to me. 

1. rope climb
2. thrusters
3. push press
4. high pull clean (HPC)
5. front squat
6. sumo deadlift high pull (SDHP)
7. front rack (FR) lunges
8. box jumps
9. overhead (OH) swings
10. burpees

Simples, right? NOT!

Here’s how it worked..

• do 1 and 2 then
• do 1 and 2 and 3 then
• do 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 then
• do 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and 5…get the picture?

It was a sweaty business! A great session though especially as coach trained with me.

Thanks for reading x

Crossfit Kiddo

This post is about last week’s training session…don’t know why I haven’t written it up yet.

My parents were away and school had finished the day before so there was no-one to look after Baby Girl while I went to the gym. So she tagged along and she loved it! She’s a pretty awesome cheerleader and I definitely complained (and swore) less with her eyes on me constantly.

Warm-up

• 5 calories on the b!tch bike
• kettle bell farmer’s walk
• 10 calories on the b!tch bike
• kettle bell rack carry
• 15 calories on the b!tch bike
• kettle bell overhead carry

♥ Baby Girl got her own set of weights to carry around. She was so cute! ♥

Strength

Turkish get up (you can watch a video on what this is here but be warned…I’ve seen different styles for this same exercise)

WOD (AMRAP 15 minutes)

• 200m run
• 2/2 Turkish get up
• 2 manmakers
• 20 box step ups
• 10 push ups

Coach also trained WOD with us except she wore a weight vest and did box jumps instead of step ups. Then Baby Girl asked to get on her back while she did the manmakers…and coach said yes! C.R.A.Z.Y.

It was great to share this part of my life with Baby Girl. Maybe we’ll train together when she’s older 🙂

Thanks for reading x

Low-Carb is Lekker Adventures – Chicken A La Low-Carb

I had taken some chicken breasts out of the freezer with the intention of cooking something wholesome for the girls yesterday. I ended up making a LCHF bobotie – wholesome but not chicken.

So I once again scoured my low-carb recipe books and came across Chicken A La Low-Carb in my Low Carb is Lekker book. My parents were also returning from being out of town for two weeks so I wanted to have something ready for them to eat as well.

I got up around 8:30 am and cooked in between taking care of Baby Girl and making sure she and her cousin were groovy. This delicious banting meal was done and dusted in about an hour and a half, including distractions. It was really quick and easy to make.

This meal went down well with the big and little people. Success!

A version of the recipe can be found on the Low Carb is Lekker website here.

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Raising Superheroes: Bobotie

My niece is staying over with me and I’m now staying at my parents’ place and they’re away at the moment.The point of this introduction is that my mom usually cooks and while she’s away, it’s up to me.

I really wanted to cook a meal that was veggie rich and so I scoured my low-carb books and found the bobotie recipe. Bobotie is a traditional South African dish usually made with apricot jam and chutney, so not exactly banting. The recipe in the Real Meal Revolution – Raising Superheroes was loaded with veggies and LCHF friendly.

I cooked it and prayed that the girls would like it. Baby Girl was the first to be offered some and she promptly refused any without even tasting it. My heart sank. So I started eating hers and she came over to look into the bowl. After letting her taste a little, there was no stopping her. She then had another bowl while sitting at her table with her cousin. She asked for more after that. I took her bowl and that’s when she noticed some bobotie she’d messed on the table. Baby Girl then picked it off the table, ate it and proceeded to lick the table. A sure sign of success!

Here’s the RMR – Raising Superheroes bobotie recipe:

Prep time: 20 mins – Cooking time: 45 mins – Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients
5 tablespoons butter
1 onion, chopped
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
1 red pepper, seeded and chopped
1 cup grated courgette
1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon mild curry powder
1 teaspoon turmeric
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons ground coriander
3 whole cloves
5 whole allspice
2 tablespoons honey (optional)
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1 x 400g tin whole peeled tomatoes, blended
800g beef mince
1 teaspoon dried mixed herbs
salt and pepper

For the custard:
1 cup milk
2 eggs, beaten
8 bay leaves

How to
Melt the butter in a wide-based pot and gently fry the onion, carrots, red pepper and courgette until soft. Stir in the ginger and the garlic and fry for minute or so. Add the spices and fry for another minute to release their flavour.

Pour in the honey, vinegar and tomato, and bring to the boil.

Mix in the remaining ingredients, ensuring that everything is combined well; you don’t want meatballs in your mince.

Cook for about 15 minutes, stirring all the time. When it’s done, season well with salt and pepper.

Spread the mixture in a greased ovenproof dish.

To make the custard, lightly beat together the milk and the eggs.

Press the bay leaves into the bobotie mixture and carefully pour over the custard.

Bake for about 30 minutes, until the egg topping has set.

Thanks for reading x

Don’t Go There

I’ve just come out of the shower, am soaking wet but this needs to be said…now. I was playing through a conversation that I had yesterday with two girlfriends. It had gone in the direction I was trying to avoid and it led me thinking about this. 

I cannot stand it when anyone speaks badly of LB (formerly known as The Special One). You see, what people fail to remember is that we chose each other. I wasn’t some wallflower waiting to be picked when he pointed at me and went “You. Come. Now” No, it was nothing like that. So if anyone bad mouths him, they’re having a go at my decision making as well. And I don’t like that. 

In fact, I still think that I made good decision. Yeah, yeah, the marriage is over and I get p!ssed off with him sometimes but that’s life. That’s relationships. Have you seen our daughter? She’s amazing! She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the choices we made those years ago. Don’t ever tell me that I chose wrongly. Ever.

Another thing (oh my this is a bit of a rant), I am so much more now because of him. Yes, you heard me. No, he didn’t mould me. He didn’t change me. He doesn’t have super powers (well not like that anyway…if he ever reads this, he’ll appreciate the joke). He did however, create the space for me to grow, to refine who I am. Always wanting the best for me but never pushing, only encouraging. Even now as I sit in another country, I want for nothing. 

So yes, I give a hard time sometimes. He sees it for what it is. We move on. We move forward. 

At the end of the day, I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for me. I feel empowered. I feel strong. I feel roarsome! Yes, I know that’s not a real word. Whatevs, yeah? Ha ha. 

Remember this, when I’ve not had a great night’s sleep, most times he hasn’t either. The reason is usually the same. Starfish. But she’s close enough for me to touch.   

  
Thanks for reading x

p.s. The girls weren’t bad-mouthing him 😉

A Partner Workout

Today Coach Frances added all sorts of craziness to today’s training session. Loved most of it. Hated some of it. Killed it and felt awesome after. Gotta love her…even when she’s lovingly calling us ‘whiny bitches’

Lets get to it. Today’s workout was…

Warm-up

• inch worm
• body weight squats

Strength

• 10 back squats – bar (15kg)
• 10 back squats – 25kg
• then coach adds on another 10kg (total 35kg) and says “Go to failure but aim for 20. If you do 30, great. If you only do 15 then that’s cool too” So I start and get to 20 and she says “She’s gonna do 50!” SO I DID 51!!

Partner WOD

• 50m wheelbarrow / Tracey did push-ups between rounds
• 200 sledgehammers / Tracey did sit ups
• 20 tyre flips
• 200m medicine ball run
• 100 squats
• 100 supermans

My training partner Tracey is bloody awesome. She’s post op and works like a beast. She and coach are such an inspiration to me and I’m so thankful that I can train with them.

Then we stretched.

So that was today. It was a good day.

Thanks for reading x

Burpees Galore

Day 3 in a row of Crossfit personal training. I don’t know what possessed me to sign up for this but I showed up anyway.

Did the burpees try to kill me? Yes.

Did it kill me? No.

Did I kill it? Hell yes!! 

Warm-up

• 2 min row 

Skill

• Snatch
• Overhead squat

WOD

• 21 clean-press
• 21 burpees
• 15 front squat
• 15 burpees
• 9 clean-squat
• 9 burpees

Streeeeeeeeetch!!

Phew! what a workout!

When I got home I did some foam rolling. I hate it because it hurts but I know it’s necessary. Then I soaked in an epsom salts bath. Again, necessary. My calves feel so tight and short from the skipping and boxing the other day. Ouch!

Action shots…woo!

Thanks for reading x

Float Like a Butterfly

OK, so today we boxed and the title of this post is more wishful thinking than anything else. Dear readers, I do not float when I box! Maybe one day I will, time will tell. What a great training session though. It’s a hot day despite being quite cloudy so that, combined with the cardio, meant I was sweating buckets! Good thing I’m a firm believer that sweat is liquid awesome! 

Let’s remember that yesterday was deadlift day so we worked pretty hard just 24 hours ago. Here’s what today looked like at our crossfit box…

Warm-up

2 rounds of skipping (total of 6 minutes)

Then

Boxing for 4 rounds (total of 15 minutes) We first boxed with a partner which was fun, trying to make contact with shoulders or abdomen. Then took turns boxing with Coach or with the bags. Phew those bags can be mean! But not as bad as Coach! (I do love her, really)

WOD – work 45s rest 15s (read rest as ‘get ready for next exercise’) for 2 rounds

• OH swings
• Push-ups
• Butterfly sit-ups
• Plank
• Sprints

That was that. That was enough! More to come tomorrow…what was I thinking?

Somehow, despite the energetic cardio filled workout, we were pretty energetic after and FF and TFB showed us their twerking skills. Enjoy!

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A post shared by Michelle Black | Emotional Freedom Guide (@beingmichellenicola)

A little collage from today’s training session

Thanks for reading x

Messages

Sometimes the universe sends us messages but we’re so distracted that we fail to hear them. Sometimes the universe sends us people to helps us recognise these messages.  

I’ve often said or done something which I know is the right thing for me but am still concerned with the reaction of the other person. Disappointed even, when they don’t react in the way I’d hoped they would. I’m not talking about being nasty or anything. I mean saying to the other person, “This is what I’m doing because it’s the right thing for me.” (As opposed to, “This is what I’m doing to you.”)

I feel like an example is needed. Here you go…

I decided to end a relationship on the basis that by continuing in it, I was denying myself what I truly wanted in a relationship. 

Simple enough, right? But what I later realised, after being disappointed by the other person not going, “Oh dear, let me be everything she wants.” is that part of me did this in order to (hopefully) get that response. So it wasn’t all about saying “yes” to myself. 

I looked back and noticed how many times I’ve done this. I start with strong with good intentions of being a solid and resounding “Yes!” to myself but then still hoping for a particular reaction, cowering in the corner (figuratively speaking, of course) waiting and hoping for the right reaction. 

So, moving forward, all there will be is the “Yes!” to myself in whatever form that may take. The reaction is of little consequence. 

yes!

Yes!

YES!

Thanks for reading x

Deadlift Day

That’s the only way to describe today’s personal training session at my box. I love deadlifting and today was pretty epic.

This is what it looked like…

Warm up

• 3 min b!tch bike
• 3 minute row

Strength

• Deadlifts 
• Deadlifts
• More deadlifts
• 105kg 1RM boom!!!

WOD – 20/18/16/14/12/10

• Deadlifts 45kg
• Hands up push ups (for the record, these suck if you do them properly)

I sweated from the warm up to the very end. It was awesome. At it again tomorrow. I wonder what coach has up her sleeve for us. 

Yes, it means callouses and broken skin but hey, I love it!

Thanks for reading x

Silence

I betrayed A’s trust about 8 months ago. I told B about A’s collection of private writing and shared it with B. I intended to give B a better idea of what was going on with A and to help B understand some of what C was going to be exposed to. I knew that C was going to be hearing some of it face-to-face from A. 

After I told B, I immediately told A about the betrayal. A wasn’t happy but understood why I had done it. We moved on. It was never mentioned again until very recently. 

B understood why this was shared with them. B swore that no one would ever find out about what I’d shared. Then B told C. B didn’t tell A or me about telling C. C didn’t tell A or me about this secret.  So, A and I knew that B knew and A and I didn’t know that C knew. Confused yet?

Then B and C stopped talking to me. Why? C was upset that I’d betrayed A’s trust. Noble, right? Except that A knew what I’d done and accepted it. B and C continued talking to each other and to A. Hmmm…was being upset with me the only reason for this lack of communication? 

Then one day, not too long ago, A tells C about the collection of private writing. C tells A that while C hasn’t read it, C knows of it. C tells A that this is the reason for the lack of communication with me. 

So now it’s all in the open. Back to normal? Everyone communicating again? 

No.

Thanks for reading x

You’re Gonna K@k

kak* South African word for sh!t (my mother reads my blog so I feel obliged to not swear 😘)

I walked into my Crossfit box this morning and my training partner and coach were already there. It’s been over a week since we’d trained together. For various reasons, we’d both missed the same sessions. Hugs were exchanged and then coach asks, “Are you ladies feeling fat and unfit?” Our answer was a resounding “Yes!” Coach smirked then with the sweetest smile on her face, says quietly, “You’re gonna k@k.” Only one thing to think…oh sh!t 😈

Coach doesn’t tell us the workout in advance. That’s a good thing because if I see beforehand, well, I may run away, if I turn up at all. 

Warm up

• Bear walks up and down the length of the gym
• Body weight squats, then
• 3 rounds of…
• 10 x normal push-ups
• 5 x narrow push-ups
• 5 x diamond push-ups
• 5 x wide push-ups 

WOD

Every 90s we did…

• 25 rope slams
• 6 calories on the b!tch bike
• 15 overhead kettle bell swings

…for 5 rounds 😮

Then

We stretched. Aaaaaaah! ☺️

I was D.O.N.E. after that workout but I felt oh so good!

And now for some photos

  
 
 

Thanks for reading x

Answers

“What’s going on?”, I’m asked.

Everything, that’s what.

You and me, us

Me and him

Him and her, them

You and her

Me

You

Him

Her

Us

You (sing)

You (pl)

Them

That’s what’s going on.

What’s going on with you?

Another post written a week ago…the time is right, now.

Thanks for reading x

It Seems

He likes having her around. Like a pet? She wonders. Of course not like that, he protests.

Oceans apart so there’s no acting on the feelings they have for each other. Except to hypothesize, dream and plan elements of a life that may never come to pass.

He likes having her around. On his terms, it seems. When the darkness comes to him, it seems her needs no longer matter. His darkness needs solitude. He retreats. Her cry for support at a volatile time, less than 24 hours earlier, falls on deaf ears. Lost in the ether, it seems.

Is she selfish to ask him for support? To ask him to fulfil a need she wants from a partner in a relationship?

These sanctions that he imposes without warning are wearing her down.

She feels like her needs aren’t met because he’s taking care of his. Fair enough.

What’s the solution?

What’s the way forward?

Is this a deal breaker?

Thanks for reading x

Rebirth

I miss me. Ever happy, smiley, sunshiney me. I realise that this wasn’t really me. Sometimes the happiness was fake. Giving everyone what I thought they wanted, what they needed.  Be happy always and everyone will like you. “You have such a beautiful smile.” Can’t possibly show then anything else, right?

Perhaps this is my rebirth. My opportunity to rise from the ashes like the Phoenix. Everything that has happened, everything that is happening, is exactly what I need for this awakening. All the pain, a catalyst to catapult me into this period of growth, change, reincarnation.

So, while I miss old me, I don’t want to be her. Forget fake. It’s time to release old patterns. Time for courage.

Now comes the hard part.

I wrote this a week ago but have held back on sharing. The time is right.

Thanks for reading x

Worthy

Thanks for reading x

Quickie

Decisions, decisions, which way to go.

Take the road less traveled?

Or maintain the status quo?

Probably become a bit more unraveled

But like the Phoenix, I’ll rise

Old me slipping away to further demise

New me, authentic me, nobody really

I am you, you are me, that’s the reality

Crazy talk? You decide

See you on the other side

Thanks for reading x

source

Ha ha, so this was written just minutes before posting, while I was waiting for my laptop to install some updates. Ah the beauty of ‘free’ time eh? 

Distractions

Precious moments when you have the undivided attention of the one you love.
No Facebook
No Instagram
No Twitter
No Google
No Sky News
No Thing
Nothing in between what’s happening between you two.

The day is wrought with colleagues, emails, phone calls, family, wrestling for attention.

Night brings…
Quiet time
Close as we can get to distraction-free time
Focus on just you and me time

Or does it?

Thanks for reading x

Simmering

I’m lying in an Epsom salts bath and this idea that entered my head is simmering, begging to be voiced.

The silence of a Beloved hurts more than hearing their truth, even if their truth changes the nature of your relationship with them.

That is all. That is love.

Thanks for reading x

Protection

The Special One (let’s call him LB in future – he’s still special but I’m reforming my ideas about the existence of The One) and I have just spent the last two weeks living in the same space as he’d come over for a holiday to spend time with Baby Girl (and me). It was really great having him here. She loved having daddy around and it felt good to be able to share parenting duties.

So what’s this protection business about? Well, I was asked a question recently that made me think about how easy it would have been to close myself off to love after the demise of my marriage. Seriously though, why would I want to open my heart to anyone if it means that maybe one day I’d experience hurt like this again? But I can’t bank on maybes and we never know what the future holds. This post may turn out to be a bit muddled but what I want to say is crystal clear (in my head).

We have an infinite capacity to love and we have the capacity (I believe) to hold love for more than one person in our hearts. That said, it is fear of being hurt that causes us to build walls around our hearts so that we don’t have to feel pain. But with those walls in place, we never allow ourselves to opportunity to experience the joy and the ecstasy of love. Why would I want to deny myself that?

Me with a heart unguarded – open to possibilities.

I’ve mentioned my favourite book, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran before and really, he said it best…

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Thanks for reading x

Feeling

I’ve realised that some people, when reading my posts, believe that this is my permanent state of mind. One lost in sadness, pain, anger, maybe despair. Be assured that this is not so. My frame of mind is usually one of positivity, happiness, hope and faith.

The posts where I bare my heart is my way of processing emotions that I’ve never really allowed myself to acknowledge before. I’ve always buried feelings of pain, anger, and the other nasties in the past. I’m finally allowing myself to truly feel and it hurts like hell sometimes but within that I am growing. I am facing my fears and meeting them head on, albeit tentatively at times.

Rest assured that I am better than ok. Things may not be as they were and that’s ok with me.

I have love.

Thanks for reading x

The Anger

I’m angry at you.
I’m angry at me.
I’m angry at him and him.
I’m angry at her.
I’m angry at them.

Me, now a single mother trapped by my need for your support.
You, now in love, having weekends away. Do you even give us a thought?
It doesn’t feel that way.
Not when ‘oh boo’ or ‘damn’ is all that you say.
Worse still, just an emoji in response to photos of your daughter.
You’re a man of words, use them!
Or are they reserved for your new partner?

Frustrated, heavy, ashamed, not good enough, is how you left me.
Proud, free of doubt, courageous, is where I want to be.

As part of my healing, I’m seeing a counsellor. This was part of an exercise. I wrote a letter to The Special One expressing my anger and let it go wherever it flowed. Part two was extracting parts of the letter and creating a poem. This is the poem. I am honoured that you are here. Thank you. So much pain..

Thanks for reading x

A Thought

It’s a sad day when being a boyfriend trumps being a daddy.

Thanks for reading x

Low Carb Is Lekker Adventures: Vanilla Sponge Cupcakes and Chocolate Icing

Baby Girl loves cupcakes. When we go out sometimes then I’ll buy her one and she’ll just nibble on the icing then she’s done. We pack it up to bring home it ends up going into the bin. Not the best use of my limited funds. And it’s also full of sugar so definitely not the best choice of treat for her.

I was so pleased to see LCHF recipes for a basic vanilla sponge cake and basic chocolate icing in my Low Carb Is Lekker book.

The recipe asks for the almond flour to be sifted. Yeah right! That was never going to happen. I started sifting one cup of flour and gave up halfway through. I was using a tablespoon to force the flour through the sieve. The rest of the flour just went in straight from the bag.

For the icing, it’s recommended to grind the xylitol. Again, that didn’t happen. I don’t have a coffee grinder but I did notice ready-ground xylitol in my local Woolworths store. Maybe something for next time.

I am so pleased with the end result. Yes, my piping needs a bit of work. I did use a freezer bag in a makeshift attempt to pipe the icing.

Baby Girl enjoyed having these keto cupcakes. I delivered some to a friend and it went down well with her family as well. I think Low Carb Is Lekker and I are looking at a good, long Banting relationship together.

My piping was better on the second attempt

Thanks for reading x

Low Carb Is Lekker Adventures: Pancakes

After my successful low carb sweet scones adventure, Banting pancakes were next on the list. Again, these were tasty and so easy to make. I’m not having much luck with getting the cream cheese to mix to a really creamy consistency. Maybe it had something to do with trying to blend it with all 6 eggs? Just following the Low Carb Is Lekker recipe.

It still came out beautifully with the lumpy cream cheese in the batter. At only 4g carbs per  LCHF pancake, yes please! I might just convert some people to the keto way with these babies 😉

Thanks for reading x

Loss

Saying goodbye is always hard. Sometimes it’s not your choice. Sometimes it’s just goodbye to the way things were. Sometimes it’s forever. Either way, it hurts. Time is irrelevant. You can know the person for 15 years, 7 years or 3 months. If the relationship was meaningful, time means nothing.

The thoughts that fill my head in the aftermath of “goodbye” are a mishmash of pleasant thoughts of what was and imagining what will never be. Conversations that you thought would happen…one day. Learning more about that person. Growing because that person is was in your life. Celebrating achievements. Sharing ideas, thoughts, hopes. Seeing them come into fruition.

But all we can do is say goodbye to yesterday. We can’t live there. And that’s ok. The future is bright. (Fingers crossed)

Thanks for reading x

Day One

Day One again
New way of being
Absence to get used to
Faking detachment until it feels real
If it ever feels real
Pretending to be ok
Masking what’s going on inside
Self inflicted so no point in complaining
Too many of these in a short space of time
Day One, I hate you

Thanks for reading x

Dreams

Thanks for reading x

My Heart

I live

I learn

I love

I lose

Yes, I know it’s not a competition but I still lose

My heart swells with emotion

I love

My heart shrinks with emotion

I hurt

But then I love

There’s always love to fill the holes left by the pain

Love burning hot

Lava filling the craters of disappointment

Love filling the emptiness

Love conquers all, so they say

Clearly they haven’t walked in my shoes

Thanks for reading x

Release

This post is from my private collection, written on 24 June 2015. I sat in my car after doing Baby Girl off at play group. It was an emotional morning. I walked out of there crying and continued to cry through writing this post. Here it is…

Reading an article that was attached to an email I received today, it spoke about letting go of old loves and relationships by finding a way to thank each one of them. Yes, that’s right. Thanking each old love, even if it means saying thank you for how you don’t want to be treated.

So, without further ado, here I go…

SACG…thank you for everything. Thank you for nurturing me and helping me to become the best version of me to date. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be today. Thank you for believing in me and helping me believe in myself. Thank you for accepting me and always wanting the best for me. You’ve also given me the best gift of all during our time together…Starfish.

TE…thank you for showing me that actions speak louder than words, Thank you for singing my favourite song to me.

ET…thank you for the early lessons in love and relationships (even though I didn’t quite heed them).

BB…thank you for offering to give me whatever I needed. Thank you for your love through it all. Thank you for your gifts.Thank you for being what I needed you to be when I needed it.

MA…Thank you for rocking me to sleep. I use that technique with Baby Girl and it works. Thank you for loving me the way you did.

BM… Thank you for being who you are and making me see what I don’t want from a relationship, from a man. Because of you, I venture further afield than I would have had we stayed together.

AA…Thank you for making me feel special. More recently, thank you for helping me realise, through your insistent ways, that I will not be bullied, manipulated or guilted into going into something that I’m not ready for.

GEE…thank you for your compassion and understanding through the difficult times that we were both going through. Thank you for never having anything bad to say about him. Thank you for making me feel loved and supported and safe during those tumultuous times. Thank you for letting me be there for you.

Thanks for reading x

Seven Years

Seven years ago, the fifteenth of August was a Friday. Seven years ago, my friend and I went to a club. Seven years ago, my friend and I looked at each other and saw something different, something new. Seven years ago, I started on a journey with him that has had many highs and the lowest of all lows. Seven years ago I felt loved and adored by someone who had become my best friend. Seven years ago we laughed when he said “we’re in a ship of relations with only room for two.” Seven years ago, we were planning our future together.

Seven years later, he’s decided that he was never in love. Seven years later, he’s decided he’s a different person who would never have entered this relationship. Seven years later, he’s lied and cheated. Seven years later, he says he loves me but is in love with someone else. Seven years later, he’s walked out.

Seven years later, we have a beautiful, intelligent, funny, wiser-than-her-years two year old. Seven years later, we can’t find a common language so there’s constant misunderstanding. Seven years later, we hope our initial strong friendship is enough to see us through the hard times. Seven years later, we are both in pain.

Seven years later, I’ve packed up and moved to South Africa with Baby Girl. Seven years later, I understand more than I thought I would…especially about falling in love. Seven years later, I finally realise that genuine love can’t be switched off. Seven years later, I know that my world may have shattered but I am not broken. Seven years later, I am thankful. Seven years later, I am hopeful. Seven years later, I am blessed.

Thanks for reading x

Low Carb Is Lekker Adventures: Sweet Scones

I love my new ‘Low Carb is Lekker‘ banting book. I’ve tried a few recipes so far and will post as and when I get a chance to do some writing. First up from the book were the low carb cheese scones. Not my first choice but my mom fancied something sweet and suggested I make them.

Low Carb is Lekker Sweet Scones

The ingredients were simple enough and I’d already bought them on a shopping trip a few days earlier.

A successful shop!

Baby Girl wanted to help me mix them. It was a bit of a messy job getting the butter mixed which mommy had to do on her own, so she was happy to just watch me stir in the wet ingredients. The dough got scooped onto the baking tray as instructed and I wasn’t hopeful that they would look like the picture in the book.

The end result was a rather flat, scone-like ‘thing’ that tasted beautiful! Mom was happy and as there were only two us eating them, they lasted three days days sealed in an airtight container. I think I’ll put them in a muffin tin next time to help maintain a more uniform (less flat) shape.

Looks good now, doesn’t it?

Served with slices of fresh strawberries and double thick cream, this sweet scone from ‘Low Carb is Lekker’ is a winner!

Thanks for reading x

You can get the book on Kindle from Amazon here…

Curly Girls

I grew up in apartheid South Africa. Everything was divided. Schools, suburbs, even holiday resorts. I remember being stopped as we entered a ‘Coloureds Only’ resort because we were thought to be white. Must have been everyone’s fair complexion and straight hair. We got in eventually as we had family there and convinced the resort guards that we were really ‘coloured’.

[This is not going to be an education in apartheid-era South Africa…]

What was the point of this intro? (I’ve forgetten) Ah yes, straight hair. I hated my curly hair growing up. It was chemically straightened from as early as I can remember, pre-teen years. My grandmother said I looked like Kelly from Santa Barbara whenever I came from the hairdresser. My dad would give me money to go to the hairdresser and only told me my hair looked nice when it was straight. To this day (I’m fast approaching 40), he’s never complimented my hair when it’s curly.

During high school I wore my hair curly more often because trying to tame the frizz was such hard work but the call of the chemicals always won. When I got divorced (the first one), I cut off all my hair and dyed it black. It was very manageable then! But I WILL NEVER GO BACK TO SHORT HAIR. This is the one thing I am sure of!

After running away to the UK post-divorce, I wore my hair curly most of the time but it was a love-hate relationship. I often did the same thing two days in a row but got different results. What the hell, right? With my second marriage looming (yes looming because now it’s over…lol), I googled day and night to find a way to love my hair. I was lucky resourceful enough to find the British Curlies website. That’s when my real love affair with my curls started. It’s when I leaned about co-washing, low poos, sulphates, cones, quats, plopping and all sorts of other things. It’s how I learned about Carlos Flores, the curl genius, who made me feel like a curly queen. (Yes, that’s me when you click on the link.) It’s a romance that’s had its ups and downs but, unlike my two marriages, we’re going to stick together through it all. Continuing to learn to be better together. OK…now that’s gone off on a tangent.

The point of this post? Baby Girl. Yes, my beautiful, adorable curly girl. She has an amazing head of curls and I want her to love them from the start. Right now. Not needing websites and curl geniuses and other people to tell her that she has amazing hair. I want her to believe it now. We have started bathing together and part of our process is that we condition each other’s hair and then detangle together. Simple enough but she’s 2.5 years and has never sat in a bath before until 3 weeks ago. So it’s pretty big for me that we get to share this experience together and I can help her embrace the beautiful curls she has by letting her work with mine.

If this post is disjointed, it’s because she woke up shouting for me. She’s had bad dreams in the past but has never woken from them and definitely never shouted for me like this before. Not a great feeling. So this was a long post with the point only becoming apparent at the end. Ah well…I’m sure you’ll forgive me. You will, right?

Ok, so here are a couple of pics…of the two of us enjoying our curly girl bath time.

Thanks for reading x

Sunny Day

I’ve been feeling very meh lately. A number of things contributed to this…it’s not just the obvious one thing.

But today was a glorious day. The sun was shining. It was hot (by UK standards). Even my toes got to spend some time outside.

I imagined that today’s beautiful day was made that way just for me. I felt like it was God’s way of saying, “My child, have a little break. Forget everything, just for today. Here’s a little something that you love for you to enjoy. I love you.”

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a picture of joy throughout the day. ‘Meh’ still popped in a few times. Overall though, joy prevailed. I was very aware of my blessings today and grateful for each and every one of them.

Thanks for reading x

Be Present

I’ve started meditating again recently in a bid to calm my mind, and become more mindful.

A few days ago, I used my old faithful guided meditations that are on my phone. Funny story…the whatsapp message I sent to a friend:

I planned to do a guided meditation…called Let It Be, which is 25 minutes long. Instead I accidentally hit the Meditation for Anger.
Accident? I think not. Lol.

Tonight was a glorious Blue Moon and I decided to trust that I could guide myself through a meditation (it’s been a while). I had no plan but I found myself at one point asking for guidance to be a more patient and mindful mother.

Just be present, the rest will follow.

Sounds like sound advice to me. Thank you very much, I’ll take it.

Thanks for reading x

In The Shower

I do a lot of thinking in the shower. These days it’s the only place I can be alone although Baby Girl can easily walk in so that’s never a guarantee.

Anyway, so I was thinking, random thoughts were coming and going. A quote popped into my head. It’s one that I have heard before and it’s saved in my list of quotes that I like.

And here it is…

That’s all.

Thanks for reading x

Serendipity

The Ginny Diaries

You know I love Paulo Coehlo. And even in the most unexpected and serendipitous of places, there’s a lesson to be found.

x. Ginny

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Home

When I learnt of his infidelity, my first thought was to go home to South Africa. Then, when the end of our marriage was a done deal, that thought became a reality.

Three weeks in and I think I’ve made a mistake. I feel displaced. I feel trapped. Everything feels inaccessible. I feel supported but from a distance bar one relationship where the embrace is real and tangible.

So what now?

Baby Girl asks for him throughout the day, every day. She asks to get on an aeroplane to go home to him. She tells me that her grandparents place where were living isn’t our home, it’s a house.

I’m freezing most of the time (yes, it actually gets cold
in winter).

There’s this ridiculous thing called load shedding where the electricity is cut for 2.5 hours at a time. Although the other day it was 4 hours long.

I haven’t exercised in ages. I’m comfort eating. All in all, I’m a mess and not being a very good mother.

I’m lost…again.

Thanks for reading x

What’s The Point?

I think a lot, too much, when I’m up in the middle of the night, all alone with nobody to talk to face to face or online. My thoughts are my company. Yes, sometimes I keep bad company.

My thoughts wandered to love this time. And I found myself asking, ‘what’s the point?’ More specifically, what’s the point of having love for someone that cannot be fully realised? What’s the point of having love that cannot fully be expressed and celebrated? What’s the point of love that has to be kept secret from most people? What’s the point of love that you know will cause pain now or later, depending on when you act?

To seek answers to my questions once the sun came up and life looked a bit better, I consulted Kahlil Gibran’s ‘The Prophet’…this is what he says on love:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips

.

The answer I find? Just love and stop thinking about it at 4am.

Thanks for reading x

Here

I’m in bed with Baby Girl and she’s nearly asleep. It’s 9pm…an early by recent standards. I pray that she sleeps through because I could use the sleep.

As she nurses, tears escape from my eyes as I think ‘how did I get here?’ The ‘here’ that I’m referring to isn’t one that most of you know about (and I’m not sure I’ll ever write about it). Anyway, a song from way back started playing I’m my head and it’s totally appropriate for where my head and heart is at right now.

So without further ado, Deborah Cox, take it away…

Thanks for reading x

5am

It’s 5:15am and I’m up with Baby Girl. We’ve been awake for about 2.5 hours already. My attempts to coax her back to sleep have failed.

5:40am now and she’s just fallen asleep. Yay! I should sleep too but my mind is racing. Sleep is scarce most nights anyway. Why should tonight be any different? And anyway, the sun will be up soon.

I was sending some messages to her daddy of things she was saying and doing and the next thing I knew, I was sending him ‘I hate that you’ve made me a single mother.’ True story. I absolutely hate the idea of being a single mom. We planned to become parents together. We were supposed to be in it for the long haul. But no, he wanted to be happy and that meant leaving me us.

As soon as I’d typed and sent that message, a flood of ‘I hate’ thoughts came rushing into my head. So instead of sending them to him, I’m recording them here.

I hate that I felt compelled to come to South Africa because I needed to put distance between us.

I hate that I’m lying in bed, freezing, and missing out on a summer in London.

I hate that I feel inadequate.

I hate that I’m so dependent on him because of decisions about the future that we made together.

I hate that he’s not happy. All this pain and suffering was supposed to be worth it.

I hate that I feel displaced.

Sometimes I even hate that I love.

I hate that Baby Girl asks for her daddy throughout the day and I have to disappoint her with my answer.

I feel no hate for him though. I feel love, always. Sometimes pity. Mostly compassion. These days, I also have understanding. I understand how easy it is to fall in love even when it’s the furthest thing from your mind and the last thing you expect to happen. I understand how all consuming it can be. A friend described this love as a demanding mistress. She was right.

Thanks for reading x

Small Talk

He hates small talk. I use it as a way to build bridges. To him, it seems, it’s still small talk, so he doesn’t indulge me.

There’s no denying that our friendship was strong throughout our time together. We both hope that this strong relationship can help us develop a friendship moving forward. But how can we when everything feels so strained most of the time?

Funny thing is, I’m ready. But every time my attempts to connect are met with what feels like indifference, it eats away at me and invites the voices in my head to fill in the gaps left by one-word responses.

I sometimes respond by trying to get under his skin. Other times I don’t respond. Sometimes I voice my feelings, but less so these days. My feelings don’t seem to matter so much anymore. Not to him. I’m still learning to accept that his attachments have changed. He says he loves me. He says we’ll always be family. Right now though, I feel like ‘just’ the mother of his child. Someone who facilitates their communication. I could be anyone.

Late night ramblings…

Thanks for reading x

Goodbyes

At the moment, life is a series of goodbyes. I’m a bundle of emotions (there’s a surprise). Seeing people who have had an impact on my life, big and small, and bidding them adieu for now, maybe forever. Only time will tell.

My heart hurts as I say goodbye, slowly but surely, to London. The place that has been home for the last 11 years. There are so many places I’ve not seen, so many things I thought I’d have time to do. I’ll have to ensure that I do everything when I come back because forever isn’t guaranteed.

I should be excited about going to South Africa but I’m not. The goodbyes continue and they dampen any excitement I may have.

I won’t even get the chance to say some of the goodbyes I’d like to deliver in person. There’s an awkward juggling of schedules taking place in order to maximize time and see as many people as possible.

The most feared goodbyes are yet to come. I blindly try to prepare for them. Bracing myself for the flood of emotion that I know is coming. I hate goodbyes even when I know it’s not forever. But wait, nothing is promised, so any goodbye may very well be forever. But I really hope these ones aren’t.

Thanks for reading x

Live Like There’s No Tomorrow

For a while now I’ve been writing posts that I don’t publish. They’re just filed away in Google Drive, aptly named ‘private’. I’ve decided that it’s time to share some of them. So here goes… This one was written on 4th May 2015.

Live Like There’s No Tomorrow

There’s an internal struggle. I love him but right now I don’t like him very much. I want to help and support him but he feels there’s no help to be offered. So he sinks into the darkness. Lets the abyss consume him. At home he’s silent, sullen. Conversation is rare. Smiles are like an eclipse. They hardly happen and if you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss it.

I want to throw my love at him but I feel like I’m talking to a humanish brick wall. I’m lost. I’m exhausted. I can only but imagine what he’s feeling and I don’t think my imagination can stretch as far as his reality.

So with 8 weeks left before we part ways, I’m going to live like there’s no tomorrow, because for us, there isn’t.

Thanks for reading x

* humanish…yes, yes, I made it up.

What I Want To Say

For a while now I’ve been writing posts that I don’t publish. They’re just filed away in Google Drive, aptly named ‘private’. I’ve decided that it’s time to share some of them. So here goes… This one was written on 2nd May 2015.

What I Want To Say

Give us a year. Leave your job. Leave her. Choose us over everything else. Don’t pretend. Be here. Be a full time husband, best friend, lover, playmate and father. Choose to be happy. Let us feed your needs. Let us be there for you. Don’t let the darkness consume you. Let our love consume you. Let us in. Forsake all others. Give us more time now that our eyes are open.

Thanks for reading x

Idle Thoughts

I realise that we are promised (almost) nothing in life. Nothing except change and death. All things change. All people change. All people die.

So in order to embrace this, I need to change how I view everything. I’m not adopting a pessimistic outlook but I am removing the rose-tinted glasses.

I’m learning to accept things without looking for reasons why. I’m trying to be more mindful, more present, more thankful for all situations presented to me as an opportunity to learn.

I’m learning to live in the moment. No point in worrying about the past, it’s dead and the future hasn’t happened yet and…it’s not promised to me.

So I live. I breath. I smile.

Thanks for reading x

Hurt

I’m hurting the man I love because he hurt me. He’s hurt me more than anyone before him and now the spite spews out of me.

I’m not a spiteful person but these days…I never know when it’ll come. Actually, that’s not true. I feel it building up. The voices in my head egging me on, making up stories to fuel the fire that is my bitterness.

Wise words from new friends who hold no ill words for him help me to step back. They help me gain perspective again. Perspective that I’d lost for a bit.

I know he’s hurting too. He’s hurting because he’s hurt me. He’s hurting because his Baby Girl is moving to another country. He’s hurting for many other reasons too. I’m not helping him. I’m not helping me. I’m not helping Baby Girl.

I’m going to be connected to him for the rest of my life. I’m going to be in his life and he’ll be in mine forever. I need to remember that. Forever is a long time.

Thanks for reading x

Happy Place

Over a year ago, I discovered a coffee shop tucked away in Old Town Croydon. Little did I know that this place would become a haven, the place I go to when I need to smile.

In the past few months I’ve come to love this space. It’s my Happy Place. Many a post has been written here. Countless almond milk mochas have been beautifully crafted just for me. But even more than that, connections have been made. Real face-to-face connections that I’ll treasure long after I’ve left.

As the days draw closer to me leaving, I feel a sense of sadness that I won’t have this space in South Africa. Yes, there may be another coffee shop I’ll go to where I’ll feel home but it won’t be the same.

So Matthew’s Yard, thank you for being my Happy Place without. Leoni, Saif, Bobski, Jordan, Grant, Ugo, Michaela, Brgr&Beer…thank you for making this a special place for me to just be…

 Now I need to find a Happy Place within.

Thanks for reading x

How

How do I stop the past seven years from dictating how I feel?

How do I change my expectations of the one who has always put us first?

How do I learn to expect the worst from him in order to avoid disappointment?

How do I explain what’s happening now when she asks me about it in the future?

How do I believe what he says when his actions tell me something else?

How do I cope?

How do I survive?

How do I thrive?

Thanks for reading x

Numb

I walk to my Happy Place feeling like I can’t contain all this emotion within me. There’s a place inside, in my chest, ready to burst. I’m feeling so much that I feel nothing. I am numb.

There are no words left to describe these feelings. So I let them overwhelm me until I am feelingless. Until I can’t feel anymore. I am numb.

Being alone hasn’t produced the results I expected. Or has it? I wanted to be free to feel and now I’m feeling everything. Feeling everything and nothing all at once. I am numb.

Whether I’m full of feeling or numb with feeling, my capacity to shed tears hasn’t diminished. They keep coming. A simple “how are you?” can start a flood. Why can’t they stop? After all…I am numb.

I am numb.
I am numb.

Thanks for reading x

Anger

A conversation where my expectations were not realised. Where I learned once again the I can no longer expect the same things from him. So the anger flares.

I want to lash out with my poison tipped pain. But I take 5 minutes to let it subside. It ebbs away…doesn’t completely disappear. It can return at any time.

A conciliatory message later and I sense compassion. It’s all I really want  from him now. Now that it’s over.

My heart, full of all the emotions that have coursing through it these past few months, is (temporarily) at peace.

Thanks for reading x

States of Being

A state of limbo
I don’t know which way to go
The road less travelled
Or the one I know so well?

A state of trepidation
Home familiar yet unknown
I fear facing humiliation
Now that I’m going it alone

A state of constant tides
Of feelings ebbing and flowing
Fear, pain, disappointment, hurt pride
Nowhere to hide, they just keep coming

A state of sleeplessness
Despite exhaustion taking over
So I indulge to calm the restlessness
And pray my heart doesn’t get any colder

Thanks for reading x

Peace

There are moments of peace. They are fleeing and I try to hold onto them for as long as possible. All emotions, all feelings abate and I just am. I like it here.

Thanks for reading x

Rise

She’s my world and soon I’ll be her everything. Right now I don’t feel whole enough to be everything to her. Right now I don’t feel whole enough to be much of anything to anyone.

But I am me. A strong woman with the legacy of my African warrior ancestors coursing through my veins. I will get through this. I will overcome. I will survive. I will thrive. I have to. For me. For her. For us.

Thanks for reading x

Alone

I need to be alone. Alone with my thoughts and more importantly with my feelings.

I am alone at home sometimes but being home means that there are things to do. Chores that never end. My role as mother and soon-to-be-ex-wife means that there’s always cooking, cleaning, washing up, laundry. Always something. No time to just be.

I am alone when I go to my safe place, a coffee shop called Matthew’s Yard but I don’t feel free to feel while I’m there. I often feel inspired to write what I feel but I never just sit with those feelings.

Today I was in the shower and I felt a wave of mixed feelings take over me. I cried. Allowing the expression of these feelings. Not acting on them. Just feeling. Stepping out of the shower, crying my feelings, Baby Girl comes bounding into the bathroom full of joy. I quickly shake off the feelings so I can greet her dry eyed and match her joy.

I don’t deny her seeing emotion. She sees me crying. But I don’t want her to see all my tears. She’s seen enough pain. She’s felt and sensed enough of our negativity. There’s more to come.

So I just want to be alone. For a night and day. To feel. To be. To be free to feel and express. I don’t want to wallow or be pathetic. I just want to be!  Am I asking for too much?

Thanks for reading x

Time

I was sitting in my happy space today, getting frustrated that I can’t get my tablet to speed up so that I can write before it was time to leave. Suddenly it refreshed and my screensaver came up. This…

Beautiful, right. It made me smile. I remember that we were happy. We were very happy together…once upon a time.

His words ring over and over in my head, “I love you but I’ve never been in love with you.” I’m coming to terms with that but it’s a slow process. How do you just accept that when you’ve been the recipient of the love? The other half of a relationship where you felt like the other was in love.

Love is so subjective. I suppose the word means different things to different people. It also probably means something different depending on your life experiences. Who knows?

Right now, I love him but I don’t like him very much. I don’t like him. That’s ok, I’m sure I’ll like him again one day. Maybe once there’s been some distance between us. Once there’s no chance for him to misrepresent the truth because he’s protecting himself in case I lash out. Only time will tell.

Time. The great healer. Time is on our side, right?

Thanks for reading x

(I’ve just poured out thoughts…Not even sure what I wrote a few paragraphs up but going to publish anyway.)
(And my tablet still isn’t working properly :-\ I might start a crowd funding campaign to get a laptop! Lol)

A Refrain

They stroke me, my emotions, my ego
Making me feel good, trying to remove the pain
Their efforts are not in vain
For a moment I forget and let go
But then it returns, his refrain
I love you but I’m not in love with you and now I’m in love with her

They are not him, he doesn’t stroke me
He doesn’t try to make me feel good
Why would he when he caused the pain?
My hopes for something, anything from him are in vain
In those moments the venom freely flows
And then I calm, returning to my refrain
He loves me but he’s not in love with me and now he’s in love with her

I don’t know how this ends. I don’t know the next line
I see pity, love, sympathy, pain, anger, everything in their eyes
Our planned future was shattered without any warning
By him, my number one, my everything
And now it’s always there, the refrain
Love is not enough
Love was not enough
Will love ever be enough?

Thanks for reading x

Banting In London: Wagamama

A trip to a theatre matinee sans lunch left me feeling a little hungry. Spoilt for choice on London’s Southbank, Wagamama’s won. A strange choice for someone following a LCHF way of eating but I wasn’t sorry. Dinner was delicious! The warm chilli chicken salad was yummy.

I forgot to take a photo of the meal when it arrived. I was a bit like this…

But here’s a pic I found online…

Photo courtesy of this site.

Low-carb can be done even at a place renowned for noodles!

Thanks for reading x

A Quote

I’ve stopped believing the things that you say, I’m more affected by the things that you do. And stay or go, I’m just ready for things to be better.

He Didn’t Settle

It’s strange to hear someone say that they didn’t think we’d make it. Impressions they had of us on first meeting us and then subsequent meetings thereafter.

It’s not the first time that I heard it. The first time was from someone very close to both of us. Someone deeply affected by our break-up who, despite it all, was still rooting for us.

But tonight when I heard it with the absence of emotion, it was different. This person then qualified what they said with what I can only describe as ‘wisdom’ then it puts a completely different spin on things. I didn’t feel hurt like I did when I heard it before. This time I felt light.

So I have a response to the post I wrote earlier. Funny, right? Writing a response to my own post.

He didn’t settle when he chose me as his girlfriend. He saw the light inside me and was drawn to it. We both had something to offer each other.

He didn’t settle when he told me we’d marry and have kids one day. He knew I’d make a good wife and mother. I’m a nurturer. I’m a carer. It’s who I am.

He didn’t settle every time we, well, you know. At the time it was right for us. And it was good.

He didn’t settle when he chose me as his wife. I am a bloody amazing person. I am a wonderful woman. I was the right choice for him then.

He didn’t settle when he decided that I was the woman to mother his child. I was the perfect complement to him as a parent. We are good parents for Baby Girl together. Not together together any more but we’re good for her and she chose us.

He didn’t settle for seven years. We have come to the end of a wonderful journey. We will be ok. We will be better than ok.

I am grateful for the last seven years.

Thanks for reading x

He Settled

He settled with me.
He settled when he chose me as his girlfriend.
He settled when he told me we’d marry and have kids one day.
He settled every time we, well, you know.
He settled when he chose me as his wife.
He settled when he decided that I was the woman to mother his child.
He settled for seven years.
So many decisions. So much settling.
I suppose I should be grateful it was only seven years.

Thanks for reading x

When I Kiss The Sky

When I kiss the sky
Everything vanishes in a puff. Stillness prevails.
The pain, the anger, it all disappears.
I want to be here forever with the absence of fears.

The high is short-lived.
Everything comes crashing down again.
I retreat into a world of whatsapp, Facebook, Twitter.
Talk to me, anyone. Don’t leave me alone with these feelings.

When I feel them all the questions come.
Is he going to see her tonight. That little b!tch.
I hate her more than I should. It should all be for him.
But I’ve tried and tried but my love is too strong.

So I kiss the sky again and it’s back.
A place of no feeling but just being.
A place of peace, awareness, understanding.
When I kiss the sky, I am free.

Thanks for reading x

Written on Sunday 17 March 2015 while drinking a delicious almond milk mocha in Matthew’s Yard, Croydon.

Let Go

I’ve never known a love like ours
It was pure, it was spiritual, it was deep
I was wrong. Because he loves me
But he was never in love with me
Cue the pain
So I feel it and let it go
And I feel it and let it go

I didn’t see it coming
I trusted him implicitly
I wasn’t expecting the confession of their loving
When I went to work on his pc
Cue the anger
So I feel it and let it go
And I feel it and let it go

Telling everyone, the shock, “not you guys!”
I wish it wasn’t true. Wake me up!
Let this all be a dream once I’ve wiped my eyes
But no, this sh!t is real. Suck it up buttercup
Cue the embarrassment
So I feel it and let it go
And I feel it and let it go

Who the hell plans to bring a baby into this world
When they’re not sure how they really feel
And now she says that we’re just problems that you need to overcome
And the pain will be worth it if your love is real!
Cue the hate
So I feel it and let it go
And I feel it and let him go
I have to let him go

Thanks for reading x

Written on a train from Croydon to London Bridge. A short but productive journey.

Not Today

Right now, I want to disappear. I want to run away. I wouldn’t mind being dead.

I want to leave this life behind. I want to start something new where no-one knows me or my story.

But I have responsibilities. I have a daughter who needs me. So there’ll be no disappearing, running away or dying. There’ll be no leaving this life behind. Not today.

The damage I’ll cause by doing what I want to do isn’t worth it. I’m a mother. It feels like were not supposed to put needs first. No, we can’t choose our own happiness. We can’t be true to ourselves. What a joke! We have to always think about the little person who we’ve brought into this world. Or maybe this is the case for a single parent? I’m new to this single motherhood way.

Wow! This is a rant of note.

I’m not angry that I’m a mother. I’m angry that I’m a single mother. I’m angry that having a baby was a decision we came to together. I’m angry that I will have to explain how her daddy wanted to be true to himself so he left us. I’m just angry. Again.

Thanks for reading x

Banting In London: GBK

I met up with a friend yesterday. It was a long overdue catch up. The discussion mainly went between wedding planning (hers) and impending divorce (mine). We were together for 5 hours and our meal kept us sustained – didn’t even need any dinner. We like that!

GBK offer a ‘naked’ option where you give the bun a miss and get a green salad and coleslaw instead. Don’t be fooled and think that a bunless burger will leave you hungry. I couldn’t finish my burger, there was just so much yummy salad!

Banting in London isn’t difficult at all. Eating low carb can be easy peasy.

Thanks for reading x

Summertime

Walking through Leicester Square thinking how amazing it would be to be in love in London in the summertime. I remember…

Thanks for reading x

Compassion

I think I crave compassion. I receive it from others, those who know the story or parts thereof. I don’t feel compassion from him, the person who has always been there for me.

I think some people have had enough of me being this way. I’m sure they just want to tell me to get over it. Get over him.

But yes, compassion. I’d love to hear it in his voice, sense it in his words, feel it in his hugs (yes we hug), see it in his eyes. These past couple of days have been bleak on the compassion front.

But I caught a glimpse of it this evening before I left. There’s hope, I hope.

Thanks for reading x

Nothingness

His presence made me feel like a queen. No effort required. I just felt treasured. Valued. Every word, every message from him was like a song dedicated only to me.

Today, I felt like nothing. I wasn’t even in his presence and I felt like nothing. Maybe that’s the problem? The indifference that I feel from him in his responses to messages or on phone calls makes me feel like nothing. He’ll say that what he feels isn’t indifference. He’ll say that he loves me. There’s saying things and then there’s the way that you make someone feel by your actions and your words (or lack thereof).

I want to stop caring because then I’ll stop sending messages of concern that get greeted with what appears to be indifference. I want to stop caring but I can’t, I won’t.

After seven years of caring for and loving someone, it’s not easy to just let go. It’s not easy to switch off from the way things were. After seven years, this place where I’m at now is just sh!t and I feel like nothing.

Thanks for reading x

Banting In London: Nandos

Nothing like an avo salad from Nandos when you don’t feel like having something heavy. Just add some (hot) chicken and halloumi and you have a winner!

Hello lchf lunch!

Thanks for reading x

Destruction

He comes over. Spends time with Baby Girl. They play. He reads. Then we lie down together to help her fall asleep.

She falls asleep eventually. We don’t talk tonight because he’s in that place inside where talking doesn’t happen. So he gets ready to leave. But before he does, he takes a clean t-shirt and underwear.

My brain fills in the gaps created by the question that forms…”Why does he need this? Is he going there now?”

He’s made it clear that his personal life is none of my business. Not so sure about that, but ok. I don’t ask because it’ll make him angry again and who am I to ask anyway?

But what happens is the anger rises again. I feel the betrayal. I relive the destruction of trust, the deceit, the lies, the pain. I want to destroy everything.

Thanks for reading x

Light Of Day

A new day marks the start of a new phase for us. Baby Girl and I are working out our own morning routine now that he’s not here. We’ll get there. Baby steps huh? This new day also brought something new. An absence of anger. Well, it’s absent for now. It feels good. I’m not actually sure what I’m feeling right now but I know it’s not anger. Long may it continue! Thanks for reading x

A Song

Thanks for reading x

Monsters

It’s like he expects me to behave a certain way. It’s like he expects me to only feel certain emotions. It’s like he expects me to contain all other emotions and not let them manifest in any form.

This isn’t about what he expects though. I am not going to put a lid on what I feel. Ha ha! If he did that then we wouldn’t be in this situation today. I am going to feel every feeling. The only person who needs protection from me is Baby Girl.

How does someone create a situation and then not have the stomach to face the monsters that are created as a result?

Thanks for reading x

In Bed

In bed with Baby Girl having some booby as she falls asleep and I feel a sense of peace. Peace feels good.

Thanks for reading x

Promises Promises

Due to recent events, I’ve come to believe that its human nature to over-promise things.

They (humans) mean well but they forget that they have their own lives. But they get caught up. Caught up in your moment and so they promise everything. Their time. Their friendship. Their shoulders. Their empathetic ears. They forget about their lives for a moment and promise you all these things that they were never going to be able deliver on. Not always. Not every time.

So next time you have a friend or family member who needs emotional support, remember to add the small print that’s usually left unsaid. “I’ll be here for you whenever possible”, “message me whenever you want and I’ll respond when I’m free”.

Without managing the expectations of someone in emotional turmoil, you create expectations that will only serve to frustrate, maybe even enrage and possibly send that person into a further state of depression.

Thanks for reading x

Us

I hate how we are right now.

Thanks for reading x

Moving On

He moved out tonight. It came about after a ‘fight’ a few days ago which involved a pretty hurtful exchange of words via mobile messaging.

I’m not sure how many times by heart can break in the same ‘relationship’. I’ve been trying to reprogramme my brain to use language that’s indicative of the nature of our association. Not calling it ‘home’ anymore. Not referring to ‘us’ or ‘we’. One thing that I’m really struggling with are the terms of endearment. How do I suddenly stop calling him the special names that I’ve used for him for the past seven years? I don’t. I asked him if he has a problem with me still using these names and thankfully he doesn’t. I’m not used to calling him by his name despite it rolling off my tongue very smoothly when I talk about him to others. I do love the sound of his name when I’m saying it. I think it reminds me of a time before we met in person. When he was this lovely guy on the other side of a telephone who just happened to be able to solve all my (work-related) problems. Even before I had the pleasure of laying eyes on him, he was my support guy.

Anyway, I digress.

I know that without fail, he was saying goodnight to her whilst at home here with me and Baby Girl. Via mobile messaging, yes, but it was a routine that was created.

It’s 23:33 now and I’ve not heard a thing from him since he walked out the door a few hours ago. Out of sight, out of mind? I wondered what communication would be like if once we got to this stage. I won’t hold my breath for a “good night” but I thought it would be nice, you know? Considering all that we’ve been though for the past seven years. What’s a “good night” between friends, ex-lovers, parents of an amazing daughter? Seems it’s everything to me.

 

Thanks for reading x

Think About

I love how people keep telling me to hold it together…”think about your daughter.”

All the pressure is on me to think about our Baby Girl.

In what way is he thinking about her? When did he think about her? Did he think when he was planning a baby with me? Did he think when we were planning to find a leave in the sunshine together? Did he think about our daughter when he didn’t come home that night?

No, he probably didn’t think.

Now I have to think because he didn’t think. He often things. He’s a thinker. But no, when the time for thinking came, he didn’t think. Now I’m thinking and I’m thinking.

Thanks for reading x

An Anti-Wallow Post

A mutual friend called me today and during the really long conversation begged me not to wallow in my pain, my sadness, my despair.

In light of this request, here’s a list of things I’m looking forward to about moving back to South Africa in a few weeks time:

I’ll be with my family. My people.
I’ll spend time friends I don’t see often enough.
The mountain.
The sea.
A choice of beaches to visit.
Time and distance from him.
The opportunity for Baby Girl to spend time building meaningful connections with her South African family.
Sunshine (once winter is over).

Yes I’m scared about starting over. I’m scared about being a single mother. I’m scared that home won’t feel like home anymore. There are so many more things that scare me about the future. But I have no choice. I can wallow or move. I chose to move.

Thanks for reading x

Emergencies Only

Nothing quite like an early morning fight to start the day.

It started the night before when booking the tickets for me and Baby Girl to leave the country indefinitely. The only way to describe his demeanour is indifference.

Then there was the shower he had before his nightly ritual of going for a drive or walk. Hmmm, I wondered if he was going… He did. Seems my innocent email was freak-out worthy material and she needed comforting.

Today words were said. Points of no return are now etched firmly in my mind. That’s a good thing. Communication is on an emergency only basis.

His personal life is no business of mine. We’re only each others business in as far as winding down our relationship, putting the final nails in the coffin. If only the coffin were mine.

Thanks for reading x

She Said No

My compassion for people runs deep. My compassion for him, even more so. Years of friendship and love and shared goals and dreams will do that.

This drove me to email her. To reach out to her asking to meet and talk about him. The man we both care for. The goal? How can we ease the pain that he’s feeling?

She said no. I suppose I should be grateful to actually receive a reply this time.

You see, I care enough to put aside my feelings for her if it means that things get better for him.

Maybe I care too much?

Thanks for reading x

Hot Or Not

One day, many years ago, I asked him (stupidly), “Do you think I’m hot?” Who asks that to the person who has declared their love for you and has already exposed that they predict (not see) a future with you, right? Yep, that’s me folks.

The answer, not quite what I was expecting. “No, not hot. Maybe sexy.” I married him anyway. I planned to have a child with him anyway. In the words of our Baby Girl, “silly me!”

I’ve kept this with me for seven years. Hire doesn’t think you’re hot. But he loves me. He wants to, and has had a child with me. That says something, right? Wrong.

It means nothing. Everything means nothing. I’m completely giving in to my Victim archetype right now. I hate my life right now.

Don’t worry too much though. I’ll get over myself and start living again. Just now, these minutes spent writing this post, this is how I feel.

Thanks for reading x

Parallel Universes

This version of my life sucks right now. Hopefully I’m happy in a parallel universe.

Thanks for reading x

Tumblr quote

A friend sent this to me today.

http://meanwhilepoetry.tumblr.com/post/114092791003/you-deserve-more-than-broken-promises-and-half

Thanks for reading x

It’s Wild Out There

The vultures ascend. I didn’t know they were around. They couldn’t have sensed the death because I didn’t. The heart of my marriage had hardly stopped beating, not yet taken it’s final breath, and there they were.

All from the past. All offering their support. Some make statements that are then fobbed off as jokes in bad taste. Others throw little breadcrumbs as bait, waiting for a bite. Waiting for me to say it first. I wonder what their wives would think of their behaviour?

Then there are those who declare everlasting love, support and commitment. They make promises no man should ever make to a woman. You ask them for space and they go off to look for a distraction in the female form.

Then there’s the one who bides his time. Asking the right questions. Offering timely commiserations. Not pouncing. Waiting for things to organically move in a particular direction. Fair play.

What all these animals need to realise is that the marriage is dead. Not me. I haven’t been reduced to a creature who needs rescuing or one easily manipulated. I’m not the sheep to their sheepdog. Nor am I the rat to their Pied Piper.

Me? I’m a frigging Tiger! I am a fighter. I am strong. I am a survivor. I shall overcome!

Thanks for reading x

Disappointment

A thought at 21:44…

I’m so disappointed with my life right now.

They Say

You were our dream couple.

But you guys were perfect together.

You always seemed so happy.

Of all people, you deserved happiness.

Words, just words.

Thanks for reading x

Smiling At The Past

Smiling at the past…but not living there.

Thanks for reading x

Me and the Bar

It’s been a week since I’ve been into the gym. Lots has been happening but, like The Special One says, the gym is my happy place.

So yesterday I went in. I’d planned to do a Stronglifts 5×5 session but there were loads of muscle heads hogging the squat rack.

Off I went to the mat area after a warm up on the rower and grabbed a 20kg and 25kg bar.

My workout of choice?
Alwyn Cosgrove’s Evil 8s.
3 sets of 6 reps and you don’t let go of the bar until you’ve completed all 48 reps in your set.  Hooyah! 💪

The exercises:
Deadlift
Romanian deadlift
Bent over row
Clean
Front squat
Push press
Back squat
Good morning

This is a great go-to complex when you don’t have a plan or your planned training session can’t happen. It’ll get you hot and sweaty. 😉

I’ll chat to you soon about my Stronglifts 5×5 session. My bench press needs some serious attention!

Thanks for reading x

Each Time

“Hey, how are you?”, they ask. They, who know nothing yet. What do I say?
a) I’m good thanks.
b) I’m not great.
c) I’m pretty sh!tty because he’s leaving me because he’s not in love with me anymore (well he believes he never was) and oh, he’s in love with someone else now.

When people ask that question, do they want to know how you’re feeling in general or at that exact moment? Maybe my answer should be twofold, to cover all the bases. “In general I’m not great but speaking to you, I’m frigging awesome!” Yes, maybe that’ll work better.

You see, each time I tell someone about this situation, my heart breaks just a little more. (Although I didn’t think that it was possible to feel more pain.) Each time I give life to this reality, I feel like a failure again. Each time I speak about this, I fall a little deeper.

Thanks for reading x

How Did I Get Here?

My first love broke my heart when I was 17. “You’re too young. You should be with someone your own age.” Meaningless words because all I saw was him leaving me for a hot German woman. Not a girl, no, a woman.

I ended my next romance on the grounds that I was too young to have such strong feelings for anyone. I need to experience more. I should experience more. Well, you get what you ask for.

A couple of years later and I’ve fallen in love again. Little did I know what was happening with him and a distant relative of mine when I wasn’t around. She told me about it while it was still happening because it was bothering her so much. He’s always denied it. I believe her.

Then there was the one I married first. Insecurities built up and freshly wounded, I fell into the next relationship. The signs that it wasn’t for me were there. Fear cause me to ignore them. I even bought my own engagement ring for him to give to me. Then we were married. The sadness not entirely makes from the lens of the camera. Time revealed the truth and as quickly as a snap of the fingers, I left.

Then I ran. I ran from everyone and everything I knew. Even chopped off all my hair. The run was good though. I was able to break out of a shell.

A series of ‘relationships’ followed with unavailable men followed. Even an encounter I didn’t ask for and don’t speak of. Protect yourself at all costs. Much safer that way Always.

Until him. The Special One. No need to fear. No need to protect myself. I was protected.

Until now.

Protection mode on. Fear reinstalled. Rebooting the system.

The promise of love has been made. A promise of protection offered. But it’s too soon. Everything is too raw. I wonder if I’m to damaged. So now what?

Thanks for reading x

They Worry

“We’re worried about you.” I hear that so often these days. What exactly do they worry about, I wonder?

Do they worry that I’ll do something stupid? Trust me, after extensive research (because that’s what I do), there’s no way I’m inflicting that kind of pain on myself, loved ones and potentially even strangers.

Do they worry that I’ll do something that I’ll regret? Now maybe this one is more valid except that when there’s nothing to lose, will there be any regret? So, perhaps there’s something there.

Maybe they worry because sometimes when they call, I’m in a state of despair and can hardly speak with trying to control the crying.

Maybe they worry because they know that I have given everything of myself to this relationship and now that it’s over, I’m lost.

Maybe they worry that they gave our relationship too much credit. They said it was perfect. They said it was what they wanted for themselves. Now that’s all shattered.

They all worry. Some of them don’t say much or anything. I suppose they sit back and hope everything will be ok. Part of me wishes they’ll check in now and again…just in case.

Thanks for reading x

The Struggle

There’s a struggle within when the reality of now hits me. A struggle between maintaining composure and lashing out.

Mostly, I maintain composure but sometimes, just sometimes, the ugly comes out. In the form of a post or an email.

I was given hope when there was none. I was trying to fight for my corner when someone else had already started campaigning for theirs months before. I walked in on the party too late.

So now I am the sum of my roles in this relationship. Mother and partly a wife. Cooking, cleaning, packing lunches, washing clothes.

It’s time. Pack the pain away. Box it up and ship it off to the recesses of my mind…and smile.

Thanks for reading x

Morning Has Broken

Mornings are the best. It doesn’t even matter if sleep was good or bad during the night.

It’s the start of a new day. A chance for everything to go smoothly. A chance to hurt a little less. A chance to feel less pain. There’s the possibility of moving closer to our goal of being better then ok.

So we smile. We hug. And (I) silently pray that my fears dissolve and that acceptance and peace take over.

Right Now

This is how I feel…

Thanks for reading x

Pretty Young Thing

I wonder if she realises her part in the pain that’s being felt.

I wonder if she realises how different things would be if she said “no” or even “wait”.

I wonder if she wonders if she’ll be replaced one day or does she believe that (being in) love is enough?

Her absence from our lives may not have changed the outcome, but the journey to this place, this version of now, may have been very different.

Thanks for reading x

The Tears Keep Coming

My friend posted this video on his blog today. I missed this episode of Britain’s Got Talent. A wonderful, poignant performance. I cried and cried.

Somebody said you got a new friend
Does she love you better than I can?
There’s a big black sky over my town
I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around

Yeah, I know it’s stupid
I just gotta see it for myself

I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her,
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me,
I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the girl you’re taking home

Thanks for reading x

Remembering The Future

Sometimes I’ll remember plans that we’d made for the future.

Just now, I was sitting with Baby Girl who was having some booby, and an advert for a bicycle sale came on the TV. I thought that I’d probably buy her a bike once we moved to South Africa.

Then boom! I remembered. He was going to teach her to ride a bike. Cue tears.

Remembering a planned, never to be realised future sucks.

Thanks for reading x

What It Is

There are days when letting go feels easier. Then there are days when letting go is so very painful that the physical manifestation of the pain makes me want to curl up and die disappear.

Even on the easier days, like today, there’s a struggle to hold back the tears in public when the pain takes over.

Without a doubt, this has been the best relationship I’ve been in. The environment that we created meant that we were able to grow, learn, thrive. But that was then.

Now it’s over. There’s no more growing and learning left for us, the way we were. There is no us. Our final lessons are been learned now. These last moments together as we ride out the next few months. Moments that will mark the end of the closing scene of the play known as ‘Our Lives’.

It was love.

It was good.

I’ll remember the good.
I’ll remember the beginning.
I’ll remember the end.
I’ll remember that love wasn’t enough.

I wish the best for him.
Always have.
Always will.

Thanks for reading x

My Letter For Never

Dear You,

I read something beautiful a while ago that said some of what I want to say to you.

“I never delivered anywhere near as many hugs as I had hoped to. We fell way short of the number of kisses I’d hoped we’d share. We laughed plenty, spoke a lot, enjoyed each other’s presence, but it was never quite enough.”

I’ll never finish this lifetime with you even though he said we’d spent several together before this one. And that’s ok. Maybe we’ve finally learned everything we needed to from each other.

I’ll never be by your side when you finally realise your purpose and your power and step into it. And that’s ok. What matters is that this happens for you. I don’t need a front row seat. I’ll always be cheering for you, even if I’m just watching on the big screen.

I’ll never find my place in the sunshine with you. And that’s ok. We can still find sunshine even though we’re apart.

We’ll never give Baby Girl a family with two parents to grow up with, in the same house, who loved each other deeply and could show her how two people should treat each other. But that’s ok. This is about feelings that don’t exist. And so it’s really ok “because you can’t deny statistics. This isn’t uncommon. These days most marriages and failures break up at some point.” Oh and “no pressure”.

I had so many hopes for us, for our family. But in a short time, I’ve learned that hope is a waste of energy. But that’s ok. You see, I shouldn’t have had hope in the first place. Because she said that your marriage and child are the “problems we have.” We = you + her. She said that “these things can be overcome.” Things = you + me and our daughter. Our Baby Girl is not a thing to be overcome. She referred to us, these things, as “practical issues that you (both) can deal with over time.” This is who you are in love with – of course you can’t control your heart. The biggest issue, she says, is emotion. Yours and hers. Yes, that definitely seems to be the biggest issue here.

This has gone off on a tangent!

So, my love, remember this when the pain gets too much to bear. Remember her words, “but if you’re really in love then it’s worth the pain, anguish, tension and wait.”

Crazy Love (was never) Forever

Thanks for reading x

I’ve asked him not to read this because of the pain it will cause and it will probably anger him too. I remember the pain I felt when reading the quoted words. Writing is a way of processing all the emotions I feel. So I write my pain away.

While I Kiss the Sky

I don’t want him to go
I can’t ask him to stay
Because I love him

I don’t want to get onto that plane
I can’t ask him to stay
Because I love him

I don’t want to sign the papers
I can’t ask him to stay
Because I love him

I don’t want to stop wearing my ring
I can’t ask him to stay
Because I love him

I don’t want to give up hope
I can’t ask him to stay
Because I love him

I don’t want feel pain anymore
I can’t ask him to stay
Because I love him
Because he loves me
But he’s not in love with me
Because he never was.

And now he’s in love with her.

Home is Where the Heart Breaks

As I sit speaking to one of his brothers, my heart shatters a little more as I let out some of the anger that just unexpectedly boiled up and spewed out of me.

You see, the problem is that I LOVE HIM. The problem is that I had hope and wanted to invest some more time in us but he’s been battling with his lack of feeling for so very long that it wouldn’t be fair on him especially when the outcome that I desired seemed unlikely to him. I’m left with very little option but to pack up and leave. Leave everything behind.

Sometimes I wonder if people were to know our story, would they think of me as pathetic or strong or just a caring human being. I still cook meals for us and pack his lunch. Pathetic? Caring? I’m going to go with caring. You see, I LOVE HIM. So I can’t be horrible. No, I probably can even though it’s not in my nature. I choose not to be horrible. I choose not to be nasty. I choose act towards him the way I would towards anyone I love because well, you know where this is going, I LOVE HIM.

I’ve entertained some thoughts though. But they mainly relate to her. Nothing dangerous, don’t worry. Nothing that will cause any physical harm. And nothing that I will act upon.

Home is where the heart breaks

I think about a little person’s heart. It may not break now because there’s a lack of understanding. One day though. I think it’ll break one day. No matter how we try to protect it and shelter it. One day she’ll ask. One day. And one day, no amount of words on a page or words spoken will protect her heart. So I must put the pieces of my heart back together and even though it will never be the same, at least I’ll be able to help her when it’s time.

“Hearts can break. Yes, hearts can break. Sometimes I think it would be better if we died when they did, but we don’t.”
― Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis

Thanks for reading x

Final Curtain

This next scene is taken from a play that will come to be known as our lives.

That’s how we viewed our marriage, our wedding, it was the next stage in our relationship. The next stage in our lives together.

But no play lasts forever. The show can’t go on. The encore was mediocre, at best, despite me giving it everything. And so the final curtain has fallen on Team Black. And our power song, our freedom song, our war cry “Team Black: Too Black, Too Strong” will fade into oblivion. Perhaps I’ll look back and see that The Special One didn’t actually buy into it anyway and it was just mine. Another figment of my vivid imagination.

A few months ago, this would have been a bittersweet ending. Now it’s tainted.

Ah well. Let it go. Let it be. Thank you for the music. Thank you for the memories.

Love is not enough.

Thanks for reading x

Never Alone

The voices usually come when I’m alone. While I’m walking to the shop. When I’m lying in bed with Baby Girl and she’s falling asleep while drinking from ‘her boobies’. In the middle of washing up or packing away the clothes. Voices. Thoughts. Questions. Imaginary conversations.

I don’t care to know some of the answers so they remain unasked. Did you keep your ring on? Did you know what was going to happen hours later when you sent the ‘I Love You!’ hours earlier? Did you think of me, of us, of our family before you…? F@cking questions.

Then there are the thoughts. The thoughts that take every action, every reaction, every look, every micro expression, every non-reaction, every word spoken or written, and attempt to interpret them. Putting my own spin on things and boy do I know how to spin things in my head.

Imaginary conversations happen all the time. Playing out scenarios. Very rarely giving them a real voice. Rarely.

When these thoughts or questions or conversations aren’t happening, there are the songs. A playlist of a few songs and I can’t control it. If only I could control it.

The other night there were dreams. If I do dream, then I don’t usually remember them. But this night, I couldn’t forget. The first one had me shaking and crying, it was awful. The second one, well, it played out something that was on my mind. If all my dreams are like these then I’d rather not dream. And if I do, I’d rather not remember.

The only way to quell the voices is to write blog posts in my head. To imagine how I’d describe my thoughts. Crazy, right? Slowly. Losing. My. Mind.

Thanks for reading x

Cheesy Banting Burgers

Tonight’s lchf dinner. Easy peasy keto burgers beautifully created by The Special One.

Minced beef
Grated onion
Grated cheese
Himalayan sea salt
Black pepper
An egg
All purpose seasoning

Simples 😉

Thanks for reading x

In My Head

These song lyrics by Clash came to me when I was sitting down to write.

Darling, you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I’ll be there till the end of time
So you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

Last night, while I was trying to sleep, it was Toni Braxton.

Love shoulda brought you, brought you home last night
You shoulda been with me, shoulda been right by my side
Baby, if you cared anything for me
Then love woulda brought you to me last night

Over and over and over.

I struggle even more now after reading the feelings that he cannot voice to me. I struggle with the thought that it would be so much simpler to just let go. Concede. Accept that this would be a battle and the outcome is bleak. Of course, the outcome is unknown. But through no lack of want on my part, it is bleak.

I struggle because if the outcome means that we part, then I want to be able to tell Baby Girl that mommy and daddy tried very hard but that in the end we decided not to stay together anymore. I want to tell her that we gave it everything we could. She senses so much. She asks if mommy’s also coming with her and daddy. If daddy’s coming with her and mommy. She senses my need for affection and so gives me impromptu hugs and kisses. She’s amazing and she helps me cope with the turbulent emotions that have become my every day.

I struggle with the feeling of being blinded by my own feelings, my own state of bliss that I didn’t recognise or maybe I ignored the signs that all was not well in our relationship. That, for The Special One, something was missing. He has me fooled though. I thought this was how it was supposed to be. Not the way it is now. The way it was then. He wrote a song about me/us once. He said…

You make me feel like I’m home

But something was missing and now, thanks to her, he knows exactly what it is.

And so I struggle. I struggle with whether I am hoping for a miracle. I struggle with being ready to let go. I struggle with knowing whether it’s ok to kiss his cheek because I crave the tenderness and affection that we shared so readily for our years together. I struggle when I sometimes forget what’s happening with us and bound over to kiss him goodbye and stop in my tracks when I remember. I struggle when I feel like our past is forgotten by him – when I feel like the last couple of years and especially the past few months have wiped away our entire history of being this amazing couple because now all he remembers is not feeling the way he wanted to feel.

I struggle with being enough and knowing that I wasn’t enough to start with – maybe enough for someone else but not for him. And while this may not be what he says, this is what I feel. This is what happens when someone you love tells you that they love you but may not have ever been in love with you. The questions for him come flooding in and I start questioning myself. So I have to use affirmations to get me through moments.

I am worthy.

I am enough.

I am beautiful.

I am loved.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I am enough.

I just paused while writing this post to read the promises we made at our wedding ceremony. So many hopes and dreams. Shattered. But, like the teapot in an episode of Baby Girl’s favourite show, Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom, even something that is shattered can be put back together. It may look nothing like the original but it is treasured nonetheless and even more valued because of the effort, care and love that it took to put it back together.

So I’ll stay a bit longer and see what happens next. I want to

comfort him in life’s sorrow and pain, rejoice with him through good times –

and remain true to him for the rest of our lives together.

Thanks for reading x

Not The Prophet

Feelings come in waves. In no particular order. Anger. Love. Pain. Love. Frustration. Love. Hope. Love. Despair. Love. Hopelessness. Love. Disappointment. Love. Pain.

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.

I’m learning to embrace pain. Pain is good. Not in a self-harming way. Pain is good for understanding. Pain is necessary. It brings with it gifts and lessons that can enhance our self-awareness.

Ha ha, not really sure where I’m going with this.

I don’t want this pain to be around forever and I don’t expect it to. I allow myself to feel it in small, manageable doses. I have to think about those around me. Those who need me. Those to whom I have made a commitment to support and take care of.

Then there’s the pain of others. The onlookers. The ones who feel pain because someone they love is in pain. But then the volume of their pain is sometimes greater than the person affected first-hand. How is that possible? They project their pain onto me and boom, I’m feeling it and I can’t breath. This pain isn’t even about me anymore. It’s about them. Their worldview got shattered. Their perceptions are shattered. All. About. Them. I get it but it doesn’t help. It doesn’t heal.

Good old pain, eh? Sometimes I’ll make light of the things that affect me the most because it’s what I do. Yes, crying is cathartic but sometimes it’s just better to laugh. To smile. To feel the temporary lightness that these things bring.

This post is all over the place! Anyway, another quote from ze book (see below)…

Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.

I’m gonna be ok. I’m going to be better than ok. I’m going to be great! The love I feel is greater than the pain. And love, well, it conquers all.

Thanks for reading x

Quotes are from my favourite book, The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran.

I want…

I want to hold you in my arms and make the past disappear.
I want to hold you in my arms and discover passion…unbounded.
I want to hold you in my arms and feel your heat permeate through me.
I want to hold you in my arms.
I want to hold you.
I want to.
I want.
Let me.

What if…

What if we kissed passionately with open eyes?
Would it still haunt you?
What if we held each other skin to skin with eyes open?
Would it still haunt you?
What if we start something together with our eyes open and only stop if it feels wrong or if the images take over?
What if all you see is me?
What if?

Affairs of the Heart

My friend believes that the woman is the first to have an affair when the baby is born. I can’t dispute that.

Since Baby Girl was born, I have poured my heart and soul into being a mother. A good mother. This isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s the most natural instinct in the world, to protect and nurture your own flesh and blood. I can’t and won’t apologise for this.

But now, with eyes wide open, I see how neglect has crept into my marriage. It wasn’t intentional. Two years of breastfeeding means two years of sleeping with my back turned to The Husband. Two years of finding my identity as a mother and slowly letting all else lose importance. Not intentionally. This was never part of the plan.

Just thinking through my thoughts again. I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. If only time travel were possible. I’d have the hindsight to give me the foresight I needed.

So, without lamenting on how things could have been different, now we move forward. Thankful to be given the opportunity to turn what we had and what we now have into something wonderful and better than before with The Special One. Thankful that, although not the way I’d have wanted it, my eyes are open, hope is restored and motivation is fired up and I believe that love will conquer all.

Thanks for reading x

No Fighting Please

We had a beautiful wedding. I’ve been looking at the photos. Happiness emanating from everyone who was captured on camera on that day.

If only someone could see inside his mind. Could see that there were doubts before that day. That while it felt good, just maybe it wasn’t good enough. Funny, I’ve dealt with issues of being good enough throughout my 39 years.

If only someone had a crystal ball. One that showed that 9 months after the wedding, we would create an amazing human being. That she would forever change our hearts when she arrived 9 months later. The crystal ball would show that months after she arrived, he would yearn for passion in our marriage that has faded (he’ll wonder if it was ever there) and over the next year he would struggle with it…alone.

I wish he’d come to me with these feelings. Isn’t that what marriage is? Working on things, through things, together? We’ve been through so many things together. Worked out so much together. Why not this?

So without a crystal ball, I have faith that what I feel will pass. That eventually we’ll work it out. When I do ask and he confirms these feelings, while I have hope, he doesn’t. But it’s not because he didn’t try. Or is it? Did he comes to me with this? No. He worked on it on his own. Didn’t trust me with his feelings after all this time.

Marriage requires two people working together. I didn’t get a chance to work on this with him. Because by the time I asked the question, The Special One had no reason to fight this with me. The Special One was already The Cheat. I’m supposed to take solace in the fact that it wasn’t frivolous, that this is real. I’m supposed to take solace in the fact that he loves me. He affirms this often enough. But he also loves her now. He loves her passionately.

So the demise of the marriage, this union, this family, isn’t because of the lack of passion or of no longer being in love. No. It’s because of not fighting for it when it mattered. It’s because of not trying then and there’s no point in trying now because there’s a new love in town. A fresh love. One unmarred by images of wiping shit up in the throes of the labour of love of birthing a child. Unmarred by images of a baby exiting a vagina. Unmarred by images of crusty nipples and tears because breastfeeding is hard. Unmarred by ageing of years and also deprivation. This love arrives fresh faced and bushy tailed having arrived in the world 15 years after me. No bumps and lumps. Her bed is free of a baby who requires that passion and intimacy take a backseat. But wait, this isn’t physical. Silly me.

My heart has shattered into a million pieces. But not in the form of confetti and fireworks. No. I’ll slowly piece it back together. It may not take the shape it had before but it’ll be a version of what was. Be strong. You have a child to think about.

The fight might have been futile, yes. But we’ll never know because we never tried. The elusive ‘they’ say that love conquers all, but for us, love wasn’t enough.

Thanks for reading x

These Three Remain

A verse from the Bible came into my head today

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

It got me thinking about how I’m feeling at the moment. Without getting into any detail, I’m sorely lacking in faith and hope right now in certain areas of my life.

This isn’t normal for me. I’m the one with a sun tattooed on my back because of my sunny disposition. I’ve got another tattoo representing the Adinkra symbol ‘Nyame Nti’ whose meaning is faith and trust in God. But I feel hope-less and faith-less.

I suppose it’s not all bad. At least the greatest of these is love. I have love. I feel love. Is love enough?

I apologise for the tone & nature (and pointlessness) of this post. Just feeling a bit bleh.

Thanks for reading x

Fight Klub…hooya!

I was fortunate to be able to recently attend an amazing afternoon with some super people at something called Fight Klub. The only way that I can describe the afternoon is epic.

Starting at 3pm on Sunday afternoon, we were led by Troy, the founder of Fight Klub, in our first half hour session. There a were a maximum of 5 of us around a free standing punch bag and we were led through the drills set to high energy music, mainly drum and bass. You’d be forgiven for thinking you’re in a club because sometimes people would step away from their punch bag and bust a few moves.

Every half hour things changed and a new workout started. As we entered the venue, we were told a number which indicated the group we were in, “which would be explained later”. After an hour of sweating, we learned the reason for our numbers. Group 1 were going to have the first taste of a new workout. Group 2 were going to try Groove Cycle. Group 3 (me) were on a short break.

The break was very welcome. Short, but welcome. I used the opportunity to get out of my wet t-shirt and into a vest. That’s when I realised that I forgot to shave under my arms! I had a short internal discussion in the changing rooms…wear a wet, sweaty t-shirt or risk exposing my unshaven pits. My pits won. Ha ha! After an hour of Fight Klub, I just didn’t care.

The new workout was stick fighting. It was awesome. Only 2 per punch bag, we were able to let go of any frustrations and just vent into the pie bag. It was great! I felt Amazonian.

Groovy Cycle isn’t my thing. It’s pumped up spinning class. The idea is great. You’re dancing on a spin cycle. The room is dark. The music is really good. My bum doesn’t appreciate the itsy bitsy saddle though. It’s never been a fan of spinning.

We regrouped after going our separate ways for an MMA style workout. The music wasn’t working properly and the trainer copied and changed moves too quickly for my liking. It was my least favourite workout of all the official Fight Klub ones. I think many others felt the same as there were lots of people on the side just watching.

Troy led the last session which was just…I’m at a loss for adjectives that I haven’t used already…fantastic. His energy is great and it carried to all the participants. We roundhouse kicked, we squatted, we shakes our bootys.

At the end of it all I was tired. I was ready for more. I was hyped up. I was red. I was sweaty. I was hooked!

I can’t wait for my next Fight Klub experience. Maybe on the 28th of March?

Check out the other events if you’re in the UK. You won’t be sorry.

Thanks for reading x

New Rules of Lifting for Women 6A1

Oh my my my! So this was my first workout that required me to do negative chin ups. How did it go you ask? Well, it sucked. Or rather, I sucked at doing them. Part of me thinks ‘what was I thinking?’ Negative chin ups, really!!??!!

The nice thing about this NROLFW stage 6A workout is that it’s quick. I’ll let you know about 6B as soon as I do it.

The rest of the workout consisted of lat pulldowns, split squats and push ups.

Loose stats…
I only managed a 1s decent on the negatives x 3 sets of 1 rep each. Oh, and I had to have a trainer push me up as I jumped up to the bar to get enough height to actually do the negative. Lol! Why am I doing this???

Lat pulldowns – so here you do 10 sets of 2 reps with a 1 minute rest. This exercise really highlighted the difference in strength between my left and right sides. I’m left dominant and it showed as I struggled with the last few sets of 42kg.

Split squats – 3 sets of 10 reps @ 25kg. I was huffing and pushing when it was over but I think I’ll go up to 30kg next time.

Push ups – 3 sets of 10. It was ok except that the trainer kept telling me to keep my head up and that was so hard! Lol. I was so proud of my push ups until this workout.

And that was that. Only 9 workout left and I’ll join the New Rules of Lifting for Women alumni. Awesomeness!

Here’s a short video of my split squats that I posted on Instagram.

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A post shared by Michelle Black | Emotional Freedom Guide (@beingmichellenicola)

Thanks for reading x

Lifting Heavy Things

I started doing the program from the book New Rules of Lifting for Women in 2013 and I still haven’t finished it! But…the end is in sight. This week I completed stage 7 workout 7.

Now if you’re familiar with this NROL book, you’ll know that stage 7 only has 6 workouts. Let me explain what’s happening. I skipped stage 6 to do 7 first. Stage 7 is quite a fat burner so I thought I’d do that before I attempt the negative chin ups of stage 6. Ok, good.

The reason for the extra workout is that I wanted to do everything that I didn’t do in previous workouts. If I only did 3 sets instead of 4 on a particular day for whatever reason, this got added to my workout 7 plan. Are you still with me?

It was a frigging ace workout! Here’s what I did: (sets show kg/reps)

Front squats: 15/8, 20/12, 25/12, 30/15, 30/15
Incline bench press: 20/12, 25/15, 30/6
Bent over rows: 30/15, 30/15
Romanian deadlifts: 30/15, 30/15, 30/15
Push ups: 12, 10, 8
Static lunges with rear foot raised: 8/15, 8/15, 8/15
Lat pulldowns: 25/15, 36.6/15, 39/10, 32/8, 25/8, 18/15, 15.6/15

Here’s a video of some of what I did:

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A post shared by Michelle Black | Emotional Freedom Guide (@beingmichellenicola)

I love lifting! I am so sore as I write this but it’s a special sore. A delicious sore. A ‘can’t-wait-to-feel-like-this-again’ sore.

I also posted the video on Instagram and Facebook! I exposed myself to my friends and family and I don’t care. I’m proud of what I can do. I want to inspire other people to lift and so this video thing is going to be something that I’m going to do regularly. I just need to get the hang of making them properly.

In a couple of days I’ll be starting stage 6 of NROLFW. I’ll let you know how the negative chin ups go. 😉

Thanks for reading x

Going Crackers

There’s been a bit of a cracker baking spree in our house since I discovered this recipe.

It’s so easy and requires only a few ingredients. Quick to make and we all love it. We now add chia seeds, flaxseed and/or sesame seeds depending on what we’ve got in the house (usually we have all of them).

Happy cracking 😉

Thanks for reading x

Nobody Said It Was Easy

I’m off to get my hair cut by Carlos Flores, the curl genius (more about that in another post). When I left home, Baby Girl was not happy. In between cries, she said things like “I want mommy” and “cuddle”. Leaving the house was difficult, especially as I could still hear her cries after I closed the door.

I can’t help but wonder if I’ve created this attachment. I wonder if it’s normal. One Facebook friend went on a girls weekend and left baby with daddy. Another regularly goes out in the evenings, leaving baby with a carer or daddy. I’m not judging or saying that they’re wrong. I just can’t see myself doing these things.

Baby Girl is nearly 2 and we’ve only just started using a babysitter on the odd occasion during the day. I do wish that I could do more, be more social but then I think about how she’ll react if I’m not there when it’s bed time and she wants booby. Oh yeah, I’m still breastfeeding her. I’m going to start night weaning soon, not yet but soon. Just need to do some more research.

This parenting gig isn’t easy. In fact, I do parenting a disservice by referring to it as a gig. Parenting isn’t easy and it’s made worse when we compare ourselves to others and second guessing ourselves. Thankfully I have The Special One to keep me in check, to keep me sane. If I seen to be coming undone then he helps to get me back on track. Now I’m rambling so I don’t know if I’m making sense. Lol.

So yes, all I really wanted to say was that parenting is hard and we don’t need to make it harder by doubting ourselves because we see other parents doing things differently. Like I always tell my English students…trust you’re instincts, they’re usually right.

Thanks for reading x

Getting My Fit On

I took a long break from the gym when I started my teacher training course last year and then started teaching. I just couldn’t get into a rhythm, couldn’t (didn’t) see when it would be possible to go to the gym that wouldn’t stress Baby Girl out too much.

Before the end of 2014, I decided to change gyms (even though I liked the one I was at) and start going to the one that would be easier to get to immediately after work. That way, Baby Girl doesn’t see me and then I leave her again. There was no way I was going to go the the gym before I go to work – I already wake up and 5h30 and getting to the 24 hour gym is inconvenient when driving.

So since the start of 2015, I’ve been going to the gym consistently. That wasn’t a new year resolution though – to start going to the gym. Instead, I decided to finish what I started. (See what I did there?) I’m doing C25K on alternate days (3 times a week) and stage 7 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. I skipped stage 6 of NROLFW and will do it after I finish stage 7. And then it’ll finally be finished and on to a new lifting program! Took me long enough!!

The new gym is nice and the trainers are friendly. Most of them chat to me and then try to get me to sign up to personal training sessions with them. Then I tell them that I teach English as a foreign language for 12 hours a week and the pay in the UK is crappy. Then they back off. Lol! Some of them still talk to me and are really helpful.

So yep, just checking in and saying, I’m here, I’m getting my sweat on and I love it! Here’s a little collage of some of my recent gym related Instragram pics.

Thanks for reading x

Pizza Adventures – Part 2

The pizza craving continues now that I’ve had a lchf friendly pizza. One of my favourite LCHF bloggers and social media people recently posted a pizza that he created. This wasn’t any ordinary pizza though…it was a meatzza. What is a meatzza you ask? Well now, it’s a pizza with a base made of…wait for it…are you ready??? M.E.A.T.! Yep. The base of this pizza is made of minced beef (aka ground beef).

I was sceptical but because of the source of the recipe, I decided to go for it. His recipe calls for lean mince because this will produce a drier base. I didn’t have lean mince so I had to make do with pouring off the liquid a few times. (Beware of using kitchen towel inside the oven as it may start flaming *oops*)

I’d only taken mince out of the freezer so there were no other meaty toppings available which was fine with us. I topped the pizza with homemade tomato sauce, peppers, chopped up sundried tomatoes & peppadews, lots of cheese and added some avo once it came out of the oven.

It was gorgeous. Another keeper in my pizza recipe files.

Feeling adventurous? Give this pizza a try.

Thanks for reading x

Hairy Tales – Henna Part 1

I’ve had some henna in the bathroom cupboard for a while and today I decided to use it. I’ve not applied henna in a very long time and I felt like a change (albeit subtle) was needed.

Curly Nikki is every curly girl’s hero and I decided to do a version of her abbreviated henna routine because I only got to mix the henna quite late (with green tea) and so didn’t have time to let it sit for hours for the colour to develop. I’ll only know what the result will look like tomorrow as it’s just gone midnight and I’ll sleep with it on my hair and rinse out in the morning. Once it’s rinsed out, it may still need a day or two for the colour to develop even more.

My treatment differs from Curly Nikki’s in that I only had a 100g bag of henna which I’d previously opened so there was only about 50g which is probably too little for all my hair. I used 2 bags of green tea seeped in 500 ml of boiling water but I didn’t use all of it as I didn’t want it too runny since I’ll be sleeping with it on my hair. I added about 2 tablespoons of honey after mixing the tea and henna powder together.

Takeaways from this henna treatment so far? In no particular order…

1. Detangling dry curly hair sucks. I’ve never done it before and won’t do it again. I used Baby Girl’s tangle teezer which did the job but nuh uh…not again. This version of Curly Nikki’s henna treatment called for detangling.
2. Wear snug fitting gloves. The plastic gloves I used were too big and kept slipping off resulting in a messier application (for me and the bathroom floor)
3. Check that there’s enough conditioner for the rinse out. I use a lot of conditioner to rinse the henna out and I’ve got 2 bottles of past halfway conditioner.
4. Chuck newspaper on the floor to make clean up easier. Enough said.

Once the henna was applied I wrapped my hair in cling film and then wrapped my head in a scarf to protect my pillow from any henna transfer. Good times.

There may be some more lessons once I’ve rinsed this out tomorrow later. Time will tell. In the meantime, here are some photos to entertain you.

Thanks for reading x

Pizza Adventures – Part 1

Recently I’ve been craving pizza and haven’t been keen to try the cauli pizza base that seems to be most common in the keto/LCHF/banting world. Thanks to social media, I came across a pizza recipe with a low carb high fat base appropriately referred to as fat head pizza.

The base is so simple (check out the link above) and only consists of almond flour, mozzarella, cream cheese and egg.

My first (and only so far) attempt at making this pizza was on Saturday when my brother-in-law came to visit. Not the best day for a first attempt. When the base came out of the oven I wasn’t convinced that this was going to be any good. It reminded me a little of oopsie bread. I decided not to give up and continued to finish making it.

For the topping, I prepared chicken which I chopped up and tossed with some olive oil and jerk seasoning then fried. On top of that I added some grated mozzarella and double gloucester cheese.

One word…DELISH!

It went down very very well. This recipe is definitely a keeper and will probably become a regular meal in our house.

Thanks for reading x

Lost in a Fog

That’s how I feel at the moment. I know that it’s temporary (touch wood, fingers crossed, etc) but I can’t seem to find the motivation to go even one day with eating according to my intended lifestyle or to lift my butt off this chair and do a few push ups. Now, having said that, I have walked over 13,000 steps according to my Polar Loop. Not bad hey? But it was only because I took my students to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park today and there was a lot of leisurely walking. I didn’t exactly work up a sweat.

I haven’t been to the gym since I started working back in July. That’s a long time! I don’t know when to go. Before I started working, I would go during the day when I dropped Baby Girl off at the childminder or I’d go first thing in the morning when the gym opened at 6am. Now I wake up at 5h45am to get ready for work and then after work I fetch Baby Girl and then spend the rest of the afternoon and evening with her. Evenings are also the only time I get to see the Special One and what if Baby Girl wakes up and wants me and I’m out at the gym?

ARGH!!! I don’t know what to do. Yes, I know that I could workout at home until it becomes more practical to go to the gym. I was doing this barbell complex which is great, but it only lasts 15 minutes and I want something extra. On my wishlist is Shaun T’s Focus25 – now that looks like something I can really get into. Bloody expensive though but I suppose in the long term if I kept at it then it would be worth it. You wouldn’t think that fitness is a priority from reading this, would you? Sorry, this is a bit of a moany post.

Ok, so about nutrition. I’ve adopted a LCHF/banting/keto way of eating. High fat and low carb. Then why the hell did I have a hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows and a flake today? Huh? Why???? It’s like every day there’s something. Almost like I’m rewarding myself, like I’m a dog. WTF? I prepare all these healthy main meals and then mess it up with eating crap. Sugar and shait.

I’m going to try a few new things to help with my motivation and I’ll let you know how that all works out. In the meantime I also need to figure out what I’m afraid of. It’s always a fear that holds us back. I need to get to the bottom of mine.

Apologies for the rant and thanks for reading x

My Breasts are Amazing

I never expected to be writing a post with this title but I’ve gone back to the Writing 101 challenge and chose to do the free writing task and this is what’s come out. I’ve also got to write at least 400 words so without further ado and within a limited time frame, let me wax lyrical about my amazing boobs.

Why am I going on about them? Well Baby Girl is going on for 21 months and she is still nursing. Yes, i still breastfeed our daughter. Ok, no it’s not that amazing. The amazing part is that for the first year, she was getting milk 24/7. Every time she cried, she got a boob stuck in her mouth and was happy. When she needed to sleep and I was there (which was almost always), my milk-filled breasts were there to lull her into a sweet slumber.

Then I started a course to train as a teacher because I didn’t want to continue my career in HR. So I expressed milk everyday during tea and lunch breaks at school. Each day I brought home one or two bags to go into the freezer . My milk supply never decreased.  Then I finished my course and I was home for a week or two before starting my first teaching job. While I was home, Baby Girl continued to do what she did and this included nursing and asking for ‘boob’ whenever the inclination hit her.

When I started working as a teacher, she started going to a childminder every day. She didn’t have milk at the childminder though. Never asked for it and never has. She’s content to eat food and drink water. The minute she sees me in the afternoons when I fetch her, she giggles, screams ‘mommy’, runs away (with excitement) and then comes back to me just saying one thing…’booby’. Then the two of us reconnect after hours of being away from each other. She just drinks, looking up at me and I watch her asking questions about her hay to which she just responds with ‘hmm or uh uh’.

She still wakes in the middle of the night and thankfully The Special One and I have no inclination to move her into the other room which means that she just rolls over to me and gets into drinking position. I’m always available for a cuddle and some comforting need-help-getting-back-to-sleep booby milk.

So here’s what I think is amazing about my breasts. Despite having these many hours away from Baby Girl during the day for the past 6 months, my milk supply is still enough for her. On weekends there must be more because she drinks during the hours that I’m usually at work on other days. Thanks to this endless supply of milk, we’ve saved time and money because we don’t have to buy milk/bottles or spend time making them and cleaning bottles. My breasts have the ability to comfort her when she needs something and they provide a sense of security for her. And in the unlikely event of some sort of disaster, she’ll remain well nourished. She even told me earlier this week ‘I love booby’. Ahhhhh!

Thanks for reading x

A Simple Banting Brunch

Today I started (as I usually do) with a cup of coffee. No ordinary cup of coffee though. It’s a fat coffee. Coffee with coconut oil, a little bit of butter and some cream (occasionally with some cinnamon) blitzed in the blender for about 10 seconds. The result is a frothy cup of LCHF deliciousness. The problem (and I use this word frivolously here) is that it makes me feel full – for a long time. Not really a problem, right? The real problem is that feeling full means no eating and no eating mean inadequate nutrition derived from a cup of coffee. See the problem now?

So a few hours after having this, I whipped up a super duper easy tasty brunch. I present to you…

This little beauty is:

2 boiled eggs mashed with homemade banting mayo and some grated cheese plus half an avo and some homemade seed crackers. Easy, right? Homemade recipes are all from my favourite foodie book The Real Meal Revolution.

Christmas is coming and I’m not going to mess this up. I’m not going all super strict because that’s never been me but I am going to be sensible 🙂

The RMR book isn’t available on Amazon yet (insane, right?) but it can be purchased via South Africa and with postage it’s a pretty cool deal when converting to pounds.

You can buy the book here and with delivery to the UK it’ll cost £17.35. Not too shabby, eh? This is cheaper than the preorder price of £20 on Amazon.co.uk and you’ll get it before June 2015 😀

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Spiced Pumpkin Salad

This is in the ‘sides and salads’ section of the Real Meal Revolution book and I served it as a light lunch (sue me). It appears on page 222 with its super long title…wait for it…Spiced Pumpkin and Goats Cheese. Sunflower Seeds and Citrus Dressing. 

Now for a confession, I used butternut. Yes, I’m not even sure if I should be writing this post given that I substituted the main ingredient. If this fact offends you, stop reading now.

If you’re ok with my poetic licence with this dish then let me tell you…it was amazing! Oh my, oh my. It was delish-us *licks lips as mouth waters*

Without further ado (seems I’m feeling a bit theatrical as I write this)..here’s the recipe:

Dressing:

Juice of 2 lemons (50ml)
1 tbsp Dijon Mustard
150ml extra-virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper

Combine the lemon juice and mustard in a mixing bowl. While whisking continuously, pour in the olive oil until a dressing is formed. Season to taste. (I chucked everything into the Vitamix and blended for a bit. Simple)

Salad

600g pumpkin cubes (I used butternut)
olive oil for roasting
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tbsp ground coriander
1 tsp ground nutmeg
salt and pepper
200g chevin, broken into small chunks (aka goats cheese..yum)
1/4 cup sunflower seeds (I toasted some mixed seeds)
100g rocket, washed (I used a mix of rocket, spinach and watercress)

Preheat the oven to 180°C

Toss the pumpkin in oil, cumin, coriander, nutmeg, salt and pepper and place on a tray in the oven until roasted and nicely coloured on the edges (about 45 minutes). Set aside to cool.

Lay the rocket on a platter and top with the pumpkin. Layer chunks of chevin, sunflower seeds and, finally, a liberal splash of dressing.

Et viola!

The Special One had his without the cheese as he discovered that cheese is a trigger for his cough. He still enjoyed it though. These pictures don’t do this salad justice. Try it my way or the original RMR way. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it!

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101 – A Letter

Dear Gerund,

We met for the first time this year but it feels like I’ve known you all my life. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you. That feeling of seeing someone every day, even talking to them sometimes, but only finding out their name weeks, months or even years later.

Once I got to know your name and we became more intimate, that’s when I realised how complicated you are. Thankfully, I can do complicated so I continue to learn more about you.

I’m amazed by your ability to change form. Sometimes you’re a ‘gerund’ and sometimes you’re a ‘present participle’. Whenever I see you, I need to concentrate to make sure who I’m looking at. To know your true intention. Are you a verb or a noun at that moment?

Also, you’re fussy as well. But I like that. Just look at The Special One! You only like to work with certain verbs, and that’s ok. You like consider, admit, recommend and understand to name but a few. Those you dislike are demand, begin, forget and refuse. I’d feel the same way if I was a gerund.

I just want you to know that I love spending time with you and learning more about you. After all, if I’m going to teach people more about you then it makes sense that I become an expert, doesn’t it? Until we meet again, my dear friend.

Yours sincerely,
Chelly

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101: the task

Pick up the nearest book and flip to page 29. What’s the first word that jumps off the page? Use this word as your springboard for inspiration. If you need a boost, Google the word and see what images appear, and then go from there. 

Today’s twist: write the post in the form of a letter.

Writing 101 – Where I Lived

Our address when I was 12 years old was 12 Fourth Avenue, Fairways, Cape Town. I loved that house. It was the second house that we lived in but the only one that I remember. I don’t have many memories of my childhood and one day I hope to do some regression therapy, but that’s another story for another day.

My father built that house himself. It was nothing but a plot of land which he sculpted into the magnificent house that became my home for just over 20 years. It was an impressive house. He built it with comfort and practicality in mind. Four bedrooms, one for my parents and one for each of their children. Two bathrooms, one with a shower, bath and toilet and the other with just a shower and toilet. A large kitchen, big enough for all of us to be in there without it been crowded. The dining room housed a majestic 8-seater table where we enjoyed our family meals together. Ah, and the lounge. It was so big. I remember lying on a rug in front of the fireplace in winter. Bliss. Also in the lounge was a antique sofa set with traditional ball and claw feet.

Then there was the outside. My father’s garden was one that was admired by all who passed it. The grass was lush and always neatly cut. The shrubs were always pristine with not a twig or leaf out of place. Flowers lined the path to the front door. The ones with the sweetest smells were strategically placed to make the walk to the entrance a pleasant one. The garden at the back was even more impressive even though not many people got to see it. He didn’t care about the praise. It was a matter of pride for him. Gardening was therapeutic. The lawn again looked perfect. It looked like what you’d expect to see in an advert for grass. There were no flowers in the back garden. Instead an apple tree, a grapevine, a plum tree and a citrus tree all bore fruit regularly.

To the side of the house was the garage. It was no ordinary garage though. Leading from the driveway, behind the garage door, was sufficient space for up to 4 cars. Enough secure parking space for all of us. Beyond the parking space was a brick braai area where we had many an outdoor family meal. Such wonderful memories. Opposite the braai area were the kennels. We always had one or two dogs – usually a big one and a small one. There were Scampy, Wollie, Bros and Cuddles who were Maltese poodles. Rocky was a cross between a Doberman and a Ridgeback. Tess was a Rottweiler. I don’t remember what kind of do Sheba was. She had black fur and was quite big. She looked like an Alsation. We had a Chihuahua named Chico but he was knocked over by the owner of the shop next door to us.

When we moved into that house, my maternal grandmother, Mimi, was living with us. I shared a room with her. My brothers, who are 8 and 11 years older than me, got their own rooms. A few years later my Dad  added on another room. This was for my paternal grandmother who was moving in with us. Her room was great. It had an en-suite and a door leading out into the back garden. The grandmothers didn’t get on so well all the time. I’m not sure why. Maybe there was some competition for our affection? I’ll never know. After a while my Dad’s mother moved to my aunt’s house and a room became available. For the first time ever I was going to have my own space. My oldest brother got the room with the en-suite. My Dad didn’t like the idea of being at the back of the house. I think he liked to be at the front to keep tabs of our comings and goings. When that brother got married and moved out, my other brother got the room. I bided my time. Once he got married and moved out then it was all mine 🙂

Christmas 2007 at my parent’s house

One of the saddest moments for me was when I was told that the house was being sold. I was living in London then it shouldn’t have mattered so much. I thought it would always be there. I know why they sold it though. A five-bedroom house for only two people is a bit much and it was tiresome to clean. Sometimes when we go to SA on a holiday I drive past the house but it doesn’t feel the same. I feel disappointed. Disappointed that the new owner doesn’t have the same sense of pride to keep the garden impeccable. At least I have my memories.

Thanks for reading. x

Writing 101 – the task:

Tell us about the home where you lived when you were twelve. Which town, city, or country? Was it a house or an apartment? A boarding school or foster home? An airstream or an RV? Who lived there with you?

Writing 101 – Happy Braai Day

The one meal that I really miss, the meal that meant that makes me think of family and laughter and good times is a braai. More commonly known as a bbq outside of South Africa, this meal, this way of cooking is part of us, part of who we are as a people. Every South African I know takes pride in their ability to build a fire and cook meat to perfection.

But it’s not just about the food that’s produced at the end of it. There’s the ritual of stacking the wood just right so that air can move around and let the fire breath. Then you have to tend to the fire until it’s just right and ready to accept the meat. Knowing what meat to start with. Chicken on the bone takes the longest but you can’t put it on when it’s too hot or the outside will burn before the inside is cooked. Eveyone braais their fish differently too. To foil or not to foil? If foiled…to add apricot jam or not? Despite the various methods people have to braai their food, I don’t think I’ve ever had ‘bad braai’. Have I just romanticised it in my head? I don’t think so.

Atmosphere comes to mind when I think about braai. Depending on who you’re braaing with, there may be some alcohol flowing. (This is not a prerequisite to a good braai.) I think of the conversations that I’ve had around the fire. I remember my Dad teaching me to stack the wood to make my first braai fire. I remember standing outside with him chatting while I braaied for us for Sunday lunch or whenever we fancied a meal cooked outside. Happy days. Whenever we go home to South Africa for a holiday, there has to be at least one braai.

Even when I went through a (6 year) phase of not eating meat, that didn’t exclude me from enjoying braais. Thankfully I was sensible enough to still eat fish. Ah the good old fish braai – snoek to be precise. (A South African fish, of course.) So I could eat fish and all the wonderful salads that accompany a braai. Delicious, nutritious and not so nutritious salads. yum. Potato salad. Pasta salad. Beans salad. Green salad. Salads with cubes of cheese. Salads with chunks of cooked butternut. Salads with whatever you felt like adding because it didn’t matter. Anything tastes good at a braai.

Oh and then there’s the smell. That wonderful smell of fire and cooking meat and fish and (sometimes) vegetables. The smell finds its way everywhere. Into your clothes, your hair. Horrible? Not at all. It’s one of my favourite perfumes. Although if you sleep with your braai clothes on then your bedding will smell of braai too.

That’s what I miss about home. Been able to invite family or friends over for a braai. I miss being invited to braais. For a short time, I lived in a house with a garden and from time to time on the rare occasion that it was warm, we braaied. It was nice because my housemates were South African too but there was still something missing. Maybe it was the knowledge of being home. Or maybe it was not being with the people I have been braaing with all my life. I’m not sure.

From the ceremony of building the wood tower to watching the fire blazing. From listening to the meat sizzling to your mouth watering as the scent of your meal wafting into your nose. From licking your fingers once you’ve devoured that last piece mouthful to clearing away the dishes. There’s nothing quite like a braai. There’s nothing that evokes the same sense of nostalgia. And quite frankly, there’s nothing quite so tasty.

Like my friend James often says at a braai..

“Dit proe as of ‘n engel op my tong gepiepie het.”

Roughly translated it means ‘It tastes like an angel has peed on my tongue.’ You get the picture.

 

Sunshine…braai…and my friend James

Ps…braai day is actually a ‘thing’ in SA. 24th September is unofficially called Braai Day and officially it’s Heritage Day. It also happens to be our wedding anniversary 🙂

Thanks for reading. x

Writing 101 – the task:

Tell us about your favourite childhood meal — the one that was always a treat, that meant “celebration,” or that comforted you and has deep roots in your memory.

Free free to focus on any aspect of the meal, from the food you ate to the people who were there to the event it marked.

Today’s twist: Tell the story in your own distinct voice.

Writing 101 – Take Three

I like coming to the park. It clears my head. Not that there’s much going on up there these days. I like to sit and knit or read my book. Sometimes people stop and talk to me. There are always people in here. Couples, groups of young people, parents with their small children. Today I’m knitting a sweater for my granddaughter. Winter’s coming so she needs one. I notice a couple walking towards me on the path. They look unhappy. I wonder what’s wrong. The young people of today think everything’s a tragedy. I know tragedy. I’ve seen war. I’ve seen treachery. I’ve seen evil. Whatever they are ‘going through’, it can’t be that bad. Always making mountains out of molehills. Tomorrow it’ll be something else, I’m sure of it.

We walk in silence. Words don’t come easy to me. I can’t find words to describe what I feel. How can I make her understand that I will ruin her life if we stay together? Why did we come here? Happy people everywhere. Smiling. Laughing. Screw you all! This place reminds me of what I’ll never have. A family. A reason to live. Look at that old woman sitting there knitting. Her face shows that she’s seen much, laughter and frown lines mark her face. Why does she scowl at me like that? She can’t know what I’m feeling. No one does. She’s making something for a baby. I’ll never have a baby. Never know the joy of holding my own child in my arms. Of sharing a love for someone who’s part of me. Here I go again. Here come the tears. Life just isn’t worth enduring all this pain.

I hope the park will inspire him. It always had that effect on me. Seeing happy people makes me happy. Being in nature makes me feel part of something bigger and makes my problems feel small. I wish he’d talk with me. It’s hard having a one sided conversation. Perhaps he needs silence to take it all in. To let the wonder of life wash over him. I know he wants to break up but his reasons don’t make sense. I can make him happy. I can change how he sees things. I just need more time. Look at this old lady sitting on the bench. She’s knitting something. Looks like it’s for a baby. Seeing her is inspiring. I hope he sees that. She’s old but she isn’t mopping around at home waiting for death. She’s pulling herself up, coming out and being on with things. Wait, why’s he crying? Why doesn’t he just chose happiness? Argh!

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101 – the task:
A man and a woman walk through the park together, holding hands. They pass an old woman sitting on a bench. The old woman is knitting a small, red sweater. The man begins to cry. Write this scene.

Today’s twist: write the scene from three different points of view: from the perspective of the man, then the woman, and finally the old woman.

The Special One just highlighted that I didn’t follow the order as I was instructed. I’m going to keep it the way it is though. That’s all. X

Writing 101 – A Conversation Within

“Go on, have the chocolate. It’s your favourite,” she said.

She considers it for a bit. “But I’m trying to be really good. And I don’t know when I’m going to get to the gym.”

“One chocolate isn’t going to hurt you. You deserve it.”

“It has been a hard week. And I didn’t have that doughnut yesterday. Maybe it won’t be that bad. No, no, no. I shouldn’t have it.”

“You haven’t had that chocolate in a long time. Don’t you miss that flavour? When will you get another chance to have it? No one will see you eating it.”

“I suppose there’s no one around now to see me. No, but I still have so much weight to lose. Stop it! I’m not going to have the chocolate”

“Why do you want to lose weight anyway? You’ve always been fat. Why do you want to change now?”

“I know better now. I want to be fit and healthy. And I want him to think I’m hot.”

“You know that he’s probably never going to think you’re hot, right? It’s been how many years? He’s never thought of you as hot. You hardly get a ‘you look nice’. You don’t get a ‘you look sexy’ or ‘you’re sexy’ anymore so you’re kidding yourself if you think you’re ever going to hear ‘you’re hot’. At least not from HIM.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“You know I am. Just accept it. Eat the chocolate. Console yourself. At least you have nice layers of cuddly fat to keep you safe and warm.”

“Hmmm…it’s 3 for £1. I’ll get 3. One for now and I’ll have the rest before anyone gets home.”

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101: The task –
Focus today’s post on the contrast between two things. The twist? Write the post in the form of a dialogue.

Writing 101 – Who Are You…Really?

We met a few months ago on the first day of my teacher training course. “I want to be like you”, I thought after the first hour or so. Such confidence. Such a commanding way yet not aggressive. Such great dress sense! For the sake of protecting the innocent, we’ll call her Daisy.

By day 2 of the 4 week course, my rose-tinted glasses seemed to be faulty. There was the odd sarcastic remark (or was I just being sensitive) and the quick unjustified retort to one of my fellow learners. Still, someone with that good taste in clothes (by my tastes, of course) can’t be that bad and must just be having a bad day week. Hmmm, or was she? Each day would start with us wondering what mood to expect and whether a good mood would be sustained. This isn’t exactly how you want people who depend on you for guidance to feel about you, right?

(I could become really unpopular at work for this post)

Who are you really, Daisy? You say that you’re a hippy but almost everything that comes out of your mouth is negative. The complaining and moaning is almost constant. The way you talk to some people is awful. Where’s the flower power? Where’s the peace? Where’s the love, dude? I get none of that from you. No, wait. That’s not right. I do get that from you (when you’re not blanking me) but others don’t. No self-respecting hippy (and I happen to know some hippies) would spew the kind of negativity that comes from you on a daily basis.

Who are you really, Daisy? You say that you don’t believe in wearing labels. You say that you’re surprised when one of my classmates wears perfume by some well known label because you thought he’s a hippy, like you. So why wear Converse and Havaianas? Those are labels, right? Exactly. In fact, why make the comment about the labels in the first place? Just let him be. He smells nice. Make the compliment. Ask what it is. Move on.

Who are you really, Daisy? You say that you’re a vegetarian and a hippy. When you learn that I’m breastfeeding my daughter and expressing milk for her while I’m at school, you show on your face that it disgusts you. In fact, your words to me are “I’m a hippy, if you know what I mean.” Umm, actually, no I don’t know what you mean and I really don’t give a sh!t. I’m going to feed my daughter for as long as I like and maybe right in front of you. So there! Hippy, my arse. P.s. vegetarians don’t eat fish.

Who are you really, Daisy? You have so much negativity inside of you but you are one of the most amazing teachers and tutors I know. You have an ability to bring out the best in people. You have such a nurturing manner sometimes but the things you say and do make you seem like a totally different person.

So I ask you…who are you when no-one’s watching?

Thanks for reading x

The assignment: 

Writing 101: A Character-Building Experience

Who’s the most interesting person (or people) you’ve met this year?

Our stories are inevitably linked to the people around us. We are social creatures: from the family members and friends who’ve known us since childhood, to the coworkers, service providers, and strangers who populate our world (and, at times, leave an unexpected mark on us).

Today, write a post focusing on one — or more — of the people that have recently entered your life, and tell us how your narratives intersected. It can be your new partner, your newborn child, or the friendly barista whose real story you’d love to learn (or imagine), or any other person you’ve met for the first time in the past year.

Today’s twist: Turn your post into a character study.

Writing 101 – A Letter

” To a Special Someone,

You are amazing and unique.

You make the world a better place by being in it.

You are loved.

Always, Me”

As I walked through the train, I saw someone get up and change seats. Sweet, I’ll take his seat. This letter was there. What wonderful words. The kind of letter I dream of receiving. Was it his? Was he the recipient or author? Should I ask? I do

“Excuse me, did you drop this letter?”

“No, it’s yours.”

“Mine? But how is that possible?”

“Everyone should receive a letter like that. Pay it forward.”

So I do.

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101 assignment:

You stumble upon a random letter on the path. You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter. Today’s twist: Approach this post in as few words as possible.

Writing 101 – What I’ve Lost

Today’s post challenge is to write about something (or someone) that we’ve lost, something that was part of our lives and isn’t any more. In this three part series, I have to tell you how it felt, how it happened and what changed because of it. I’ve been racking my brain to think about a loss that I’ve experienced that I’d want to write about. I’m also only giving myself 15 – 20 minutes to write this post because I am trying to cultivate that as a writing habit. Right, enough faffing about. Timer set, here goes…

Loss is nothing else by change, and change is Nature’s delight ~ Marcus Aurelius

In 3 days time it will be the 18th month anniversary of losing something that was very dear to me but that I had taken for granted for many many years. Something that I was told I should treasure, especially in the run up to the event that was about to happen those 18 months ago. Something that I knew I was going to lose but didn’t really realise the magnitude of the loss or that 18 months later I’ll still be doing without it. This loss, dear readers, was sleep.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams ~ Dr. Seuss

18 months ago, Baby Girl was born and I waved goodbye to sleep for what seems like a really long time. I went into labour shortly after going to sleep at around 1am on Thursday 21st March 2013. I managed to get some sleep that night and was awake again at 5am. That was the first time I lost sleep. She was born shortly after 11pm that night on the floor in our second bedroom with just me and her daddy there. (That bit wasn’t planned but it was perfect) We fell in love with this tiny little person and stared at her for what felt like ages until I remembered that we should probably call an ambulance to check us out. I don’t remember when we went to sleep. I don’t even remember if we did sleep. That was the second time I lost sleep. 

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one ~ Leo J. Burke

I’ve not had a full nights sleep since that day. Would I change it? No. Would I grab the opportunity to get some sleep? Maybe, it depends on the circumstances. Do I dream about having a full night’s sleep? Yes, but I’m happy to wait until Baby Girl starts sleeping through the night (in her own time).

Sleep is the best meditation ~ Dalai Lama

Sleep is precious. Appreciate it. Savour it. Make the most of it. Don’t take it for granted.

We don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone ~ Boris Yeltsin

Thanks for reading x

My Instagram ‘Fitspirations’

Yes, I just made up that word. What I’d like to share with you are my fitness inspirations. The pages I follow, mull over and draw inspiration from.

training4mylife – this woman is awesome. She is committed to changing her life by getting fit and being healthy. She regularly posted ‘before and now’ photos, pics of her workouts and motivational stuff. She also engages with her followers and replies to comments.

tissfit – she is training4mylife’s coach. She posts videos as well as pics. This woman is my dream coach. I hope to find a coach like her… soon!

followthelita – great body, great attitude and seems like a great coach.

rippedgoddessfitness – Connie is lovely. There’s also a Facebook page that’s very interactive. It’s the encouragement I received from fellow RGs that got me into the squat racks at my gym.

mrshutupandtrain – there’s a free workout challenge on his website starting on Monday 21 September. Join me!

mankofit – lots of photos and video workouts and she seems like such a nice person.

danalinnbailey – I admire DLBs dedication. She doesn’t take herself to seriously but she serious about her sport. I like that.

brittnebabe – a body weight training inspiration for everyone. And a body to aspire to!

strengthambassadors – I’ve attended a couple of their workshops and loved it. I am saving so that I can attend a whole course. I would love to work with Sally.

melissasarahwee – talk about dynamite in small package! She’s so little and so big, it’s amazing. I don’t strive to look like her but I admire her attitude and dedication.

So that’s where I find daily inspiration. Do you avidly follow anyone on Instagram?

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101 – Three Songs

When asked to write about the 3 most important songs in my life, these come to mind:

Golden by Jill Scott
Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence by Ryuichi Sakamoto
Here Comes The Sun by the Beatles

I love Golden… “I’m living my life like it’s golden golden.” This song reminds me that life is precious. That we should celebrate every moment that we have. That we should celebrate everything that we have and not dwell on what we don’t have.

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence gives me chills every time I hear it. It’s a special song to me and The Special One. I remember hearing it for the first time on classic.fm and was mesmerised. We love it so much that we played it during our wedding while we were signing the register. So many (of the handful) of it guests asked us about it afterwards.

I’ve always been a bit of a Beatles fan. They appeal to my inner hippie. I’ve also got a little love affair going on with the sun. So much so that when I was 18, I had a sun tattooed on my back. 20 years later, I still love it (my tattoo and the sun) 🙂 The Special One also likens me to sunshine sometimes… I like to think it’s because of my sunny disposition. He suggested that we play Here Comes The Sun as I walk up the aisle. Who was I to say no? It was the most appropriate song for us.

So there you have it. These are three songs that are significant to me. The songs that get me excited, make me feel alive and conjure up the best memoires.

Of you haven’t heard one (or any) of these before, pop over to YouTube and have a listen. I hope you’ll love them too.

Thanks for reading (and listening) x

Writing 101 – A Room With A View

“If you had the power to get somewhere – anywhere – where would you go right now?”

That’s today’s writing challenge. When I saw this, my first thought was to not write anything because I couldn’t think of any other room I wanted to be in. The Special One thought it’s an easy assignment and then reminded me that Baby Girl was born in a room (I know most babies are born in rooms – but her birth was slightly unusual for this century).

So then I started thinking about the post and was transported to a room that when you walked in, the faint smell of incense sets the scene and calms the senses. Where a massive king-sized bed is scattered with rose petals and looking beyond the open shutters into the adjacent bathroom there’s a bath full of water, rose petals fill it too. It’s light outside but the bathroom seems darker than the bedroom, must be the jungle that’s just outside the bathroom window.

Turning to the shutters in the room, we open them and step out onto the balcony. We see no-one. It’s like we’re the only people in the world and have been transported to paradise. There’s a pool just outside our room and, while we can see the other side, it stretches out so wide that we can’t see where it ends. There’s the sound of the sea out there, not crashing waves, but a rhythmic ebb and flow. There’s another sound, can’t quite tell what it is, it sounds like, hmmm, we’ll call it nature. It’s uncluttered by cars, aeroplanes flying overhead, sirens, other humans.

In this room, we celebrate our first proper holiday as a married couple. In this room, we share hopes and dreams. In this room, we plan our future. In this room, we look out at the scene in front of us and feel blessed beyond belief for what we have and the future ahead of us.

Honeymoon in Thailand 2012

Thanks for reading x

Writing 101 – Twenty Minute Musings

I’m doing the Word Press Writing 101 course in order to create a blogging/writing habit. So the first assignment is to write freely for 20 minutes about anything and then to post it. Hmmm…I’m not too sure how I feel about this and I’m not going to edit it (except of course for any typos). So, without further ado, here goes.

The timer is set so there’s no turning back.

My mother arrived today 🙂 I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like and it’s great that at age 70 she’s happy to jump on a plane and fly for 12+ hours to come and see us. When I speak to her and see her, I’m reminded of how alike we are. I’m reminded of how some of the irrational fears that I have, I probably got from her. I’m not sure how. Osmosis maybe? For example, my mom has a fear of water. She hates going near a pool, won’t go into the sea (not even the Dead Sea on a recent trip to Israel) and will not go on a boat. I have this same fear but I’ve managed to work through some of it. As a kid in primary school, I hated swimming lessons. So much so that I’ve never actually learnt to swim properly. What kind of South African am I, right? I love the beach and sea, I’ll go into a pool as long as my feet can touch the ground. Hell, I’ll even float around and on our honeymoon in Thailand I was even swimming with my head under water. It just took a couple of days for me to build up the courage to do it. So the fear is there but just to a lesser degree. I feel apprehension getting onto a boat but once I’m on it, I’m usually cool.

I wonder though, how did this fear that she has pass onto me? How did I become like her? Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and I think she’s awesome. I just need to figure out how to not pass any hangups that I have onto Baby Girl. Life is tough enough without having irrational fears and unexplained hangups that stop you from just going out there and enjoy life.

She looks frigging amazing! My mom, that is. I mean the woman is 70 right and there was a time when I thought I knew what 70 looked like but when I see her, I’m not so sure any more. Most people women would say that he beauty regime sucks. She’s never used a cleanser in her life, just soap and water. Never had a facial. Goes out in the South African sun without any sunblock. It makes me wonder if all these lotions and potions actually do any good. So many of them have so many chemicals in them that I wonder if she actually got it right. Instead of putting loads of crap on her face, she just uses whichever soap they’re using at the time. Who knows what’s right? What I do know is that when I’m 70, I hope to look as good as her and have as much get up and go as her.

I don’t usually spend this long writing a post so I feel like I’m running out of things to so even though my mind is full.

Today I was on the bus fetching Baby Girl and saw a woman shouting at her crying daughter. I was so quick to judge her as a bad mother. I think I’ve said it before, that I need to stop judging. It broke my heart though, seeing that little girl crying and the mother just shouting at her, earphones still in her ears. But I don’t know her situation. I don’t know the kind of day she’s had. I don’t know if the child was particularly testy at that moment. The snapshot that I saw though, had me wanting to go to the mother and tell her to hold her child instead of screaming at an already upset little girl. I’m not perfect and I’ve shouted at Baby Girl before and felt intense guilt immediately after and then cried because I was being a bad mother. Like we don’t have enough to feel guilty about.

Times’ up. 

Oh my, what a mishmash of a post.

Ummm…thanks for reading? x

Getting Fit at Home

I’ve not made it to the gym in a really long time. I want to go but I’m not winning. Baby Girl gets really upset if I’m not there in the morning when she wakes up and wants boob. In the evenings, she gives The Special One a hard time if I’m not there and she wants to go to sleep. It isn’t pleasant for him. So I’m supposed to go to the gym once she’s asleep, but that’s not happening either. Over the last few weeks, she’s been fighting sleep and going to bed really late – close to 10pm on some nights. This week she’s back into a bit of a routine with sleep time closer to 8pm. But she’s got a cold so she likes having mommy and her boobs around. No gym for me then. Argh! Maybe these are just excuses? I need to get my shizzle sorted out and do something…anything!

I received an email about a 28-Day Squat Challenge so I am going to do this. I’ve already done my 20 for the day. It was pretty easy going so I may look at the Intermediate squat challenge instead – I’ll let you know.

I miss lifting heavy weights. Maybe all I need to do is just plan my days better. Could it be that easy? My mom arrives this week for a 5 week stay with us – maybe I can ask her to babysit in the afternoons so that I can grab an hour at the gym. That would be so a-w-e-s-o-m-e! I need to get back on track with my fitness. Let’s see what happens.

Thanks for reading x

Whole30 – Ten Days To Go

It’s day 20 today of the Paleo Whole30 that The Special One and I are doing. I’ve realised that my willpower is stronger than I previously gave myself credit for. At work there’s temptation all the time. If I don’t take a packed lunch then there’s even more to tempt me when I’m at the cafeteria deciding what to have. Thankfully I’ve managed to say no to every temptation that’s been thrown my way. Long may it continue (well at least for another 10 days).

This is what I’m met with at work…

I’ve not been very creative when it comes to our meals. Dinners have consisted mainly of curries or goulash, with the occasional chicken salad or chicken & veg cooked in coconut milk. Thank goodness the meals are tasty so that makes up for the lack of variety in our weekly menu.

Some of our Whole30 meals

The Special One still has that cough so I’m not sure that doing Whole30 is actually helping to find the source. He started on Whole30 a bit reluctantly but still follows all the rules and finds Whole30 compatible meals when there’s nothing for him in the canteen at work. He’s no quitter!

I miss Greek yoghurt and cheese. It’s funny because for many years before having Baby Girl, I wasn’t having any dairy but now I can’t imagine what I’d do without it! It’s the same with meat. I was pescatarian for almost 9 years and now I am a full on carnivore and I love meat 🙂

10 days to go. We can do it! I’m stocked up on meat, veg, some fruit, nuts and coconut flakes. That’s all I need, right? Wish me luck!

Thanks for reading x

Whole30: Temptation Everywhere

I started back at work this week after taking a few days off. The first week of Whole30 has been pretty easy because I was home and able to cook all our meals each day.

On Monday when I walked into the office, I was greeted by two different kinds of biscuits sitting on the table in the teachers’ room. I managed to stay strong when normally, for me, resistance is futile. After the first 1.5 hour lesson, I walked into the room again and there were jam doughnuts sitting on the table. Seriously, don’t they know I’m doing Whole30? Umm actually, no, they don’t. So suck it up sister!

Lunch was a bunless beef burger with an egg and salad from the cafeteria. Yum. I think that will be my go to meal when I don’t pack in any lunch.

On Tuesday there were more treats which I managed to resist. 🙂

I’m very proud of my achievement so far. 11 days without giving in to temptation even when the usual triggers were present. (There are lots of triggers! Lol)

Instead of rewarding myself with crap, I am cooking us delicious meals and experimenting a bit more with flavours. I’m no Jamie Oliver, but that’s ok. I’m me, and that’s enough 🙂

Yummy Paleo-friendly chicken salad

“If you have a dream, don’t just sit there. Gather courage to believe that you can succeed and leave no stone unturned to make it a reality.” ~ Roopleen

Thanks for reading x

Whole30 – One Week In

The Special One and I have successfully completed our first week doing Paleo Whole30. Yay us!

It was pretty easy until yesterday. What happened yesterday, you ask? Well, we both went back to work, that’s what happened. He went to the office this week after a week of working from home and I went to school after having a few days off because of our childminder being on holiday.

Our meals for this week were:

Breakfast
Mainly eggs in different forms – boiled/scrambled/fried/omelettes with avo and salad veg (cucumber, tomato, peppers, mushrooms)

Lunch
Chicken salad or
Leftover dinner or
Nothing because we were full because of breakfast

Dinner
Goulash
Mince curry*
Lamb neck curry*
Lamb curry (with stewing meat)*
Chicken salad
Chicken stir fry

Snacks
Olives
Nuts
Fruit

*My sister-in-law sent me a rude amount of curry powder from South Africa a few weeks ago but I don’t have a recipe from her yet. On Thursday, my bff arrived from South Africa and cooked us a curry and I’ve been practising. I thought an explanation was necessary just in case you thought I was going curry crazy.

One of our delicious lamb curries

I kept forgetting to photograph our meals 😦 They tasted soooo good that we sat down to eat and forgot about everything else.

So far so good! Bring on the next 23 days.

Thanks for reading x

Banting Fat Bombs

I’ll admit that I’m not a fan of the name of these little pieces of deliciousness. I came across the recipe for fat bombs on the blog of the first LCHF book that I read: the KetoDiet Book: 165 Low-Carb Paleo recipes & complete guide to the ketogenic diet. I was craving something sweet and was looking for something banting friendly. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to make the Coconut Fat Bombs or the Easy Vanilla Keto Fat Bombs but it didn’t matter as I didn’t have all the ingredients for either one of the recipes so I made a mish mash of the two.

They were very rich, very calorific and very yummy. Thankfully I was able to exercise some restraint and never had more than one on a given day. There were a couple of days when I didn’t have any butter or cream for my morning coffee so I added a whole fat bomb to the coffee before blending. Hmmmm it was delicious.

 

I didn’t see anything like this in The Real Meal Revolution. I suppose it’s the same idea behind the Chocolate Fat Shake. I’ll have to ask Prof. Tim Noakes what he thinks of them.

I’m going to be very careful with calories for the next few weeks and really get back to basics with keto/LCHF/banting. Call it what you like – for now I’ll call it eating properly.

Have you had fat bombs before? What did you think of them?

Thanks for reading x

Post CELTA – Three Months On

It’s been nearly 3 months since I’ve completed my CELTA course and I’ve been teaching for almost as long. I wrote an update 3 weeks after I’d completed my CELTA here. I’m still a teacher at the same school (which is the same one where I did my CELTA course) and I still love teaching.

My experience now includes:

• teaching German teenagers
• teaching Italian teenagers
• teaching Russian teenagers
• teaching Chinese young people (aged 8 – 12)
• teaching 1-to-1
• teaching General English (mostly pre-intermediate level)
• impromptu 1-to-1 lessons when all of my students don’t turn up
• writing progress tests
• preparing materials for lessons in different museums around London (don’t ask!)
• very soon it will also include You-Tube video lessons for my school’s channel (eeeek!!)

I can feel my confidence building with every lesson. I answer questions with more conviction and trust myself more. I really like this feeling. I’d love for it to pay more money, of course. But more and more I realise that money isn’t everything. Of course, If push came to shove and we desperately needed more money then I’d go back to HR where the earning potential is better but that’s not necessary so for now…my work is my love made visible.

What have you been up to recently?

Thanks for reading x

The Whole30 Prohibition

Until a few days ago, we were following (for the most part) a low carb high fat way of eating. We were enjoying dairy regularly, LCHF ‘sweet’ treats, even the occasional glass of wine. Then the Special One decided he needed a detox to deal with a persistent cough and I suggested we do Whole30 – the big daddy of Paleo. A quick search on Google and I was fully versed in the do’s and don’t’s of Whole30. No more cheese, yoghurt, cream, butter, 85% dark chocolate, stevia, xylitol, red wine. EEEEEK!! What have I signed us up for?

I was reading the Whole30 rules when I came across this:

“It is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Beating cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard. You’ve done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written. It’s only thirty days, and it’s for the most important health cause on earth – the only physical body you will ever have in this lifetime.“

Those words really hit home for me. IT’S. NOT. HARD. Yes!!! I have a cousin and my bff who have beaten cancer. THAT was hard. I have birthed a baby without the help of the usual people – just The Special One and I. THAT was wonderful but hard. I have seen how losing a parent affected my husband and more recently, a close friend of mine. THAT was hard.

This Whole30 thing – it’s going to be a walk in the park compared to these things. I just have to keep that in mind when if I’m faltering. Thankfully I’ll have my support guy by my side. 🙂

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”  ~ Abraham Lincoln

Thanks for reading x

All Change Please – Paleo Whole30

I’m a big low carb high fat (LCHF) fan after discovering the keto diet last year and then being introduced to The Real Meal Revolution by my brother and his family while on holiday in South Africa earlier this year (I’ll be eternally grateful!). One of my go-to books as I’ve mentioned before is KetoDiet Book: 165 Low-Carb Paleo recipes & complete guide to the ketogenic diet. This book provided me with my earliest lessons into LCHF living. Prof. Tim Noakes and The Real Meal Revolution sealed the deal.

The Special One has been dealing with a cough for a long long time and despite visits to the doctor and various tests, he still has it. He said he wanted to do a detox and this seemed like the perfect time for us to do Whole30. I’ve not done it before but it seems like a good way to eliminate foods that may be causing this persistent cough. I’m very easily tempted and if there are crackers in the house (non LCHF ones) then I’ll end up eating one or a few. So this works perfectly for me because I love us to do things together and we won’t be buying anything that’s not allowed on Whole30.

Today was day 1. I’m not sure if I’ll be posting about it every day (right now I’m going to say that it’s unlikely) and I intend to see it though to the end. This morning, despite having planned our meals in advance, I was at a loss of what to have for breakfast. This was mainly because the fridge was pretty bare and groceries were only coming tomorrow. A quick trip to the shop was needed. Breakfast ended up being brunch because getting ready for a walk to the shop in the rain with a toddler takes careful planning and takes time. 🙂

So this is a the little something that I cooked up and it became my brunch, Baby Girl’s lunch (she settled for boob for breakfast and cheese in the shop), and dinner for all of us. 

Simple chicken salad

A delicious chicken salad. So simple and so good. Some salad leaves, cucumber, avo, tomatoes, topped with chicken. For the chicken, I cooked it in some olive oil and spiced it with salt, pepper, smoked paprika, bbq spice, balsamic vinegar. Once the chicken was cooked and there was no more pink in sight, I added some coconut milk (from a can) to the pan and let it cook until thick. A little experiment that paid off. 

“The only way to make sense of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~ Alan Watts

Thanks for reading x

Banting On A Budget – Market Steals

I suppose ‘steals’ isn’t really the right word BUT it does feel like the supermarkets are stealing from me when I compare what I paid for cucumbers at the market recently. Despite what Samuel Johnson once said about cucumbers…“A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing”, I happen to like cucumbers, as do the rest of my lovely little family. 

On Saturday I decided to visit the local food market and butchers to see what I could pick up instead of placing our usual online grocery order. I didn’t buy much as I want to minimise waste so my process is to shop based on a set meal plan for the week (within reason) but there are some essentials that I use every week…like cucumbers and peppers. 

These were seriously cheaper than the supermarkets! I don’t know why I haven’t been shopping there before. Here’s the price comparison:

So the savings may only seem like a few pence here and there but these prices are for 1 and I picked up 9 peppers and 6 cucumbers. At the end of the day, a saving is a saving. 

The cucumbers weren’t the prettiest I’ve ever seen. In fact, they were far from the perfectly formed ones that I get week in and week out with our grocery delivery. But they taste exactly the same. It may be mind over matter, but I think the market ones may even taste a bit fresher (you know what I mean, right?) 

Here’s a little cucumber composition that I took earlier. (Not bad for my first photoshoot with our super awesome Canon 70D)

Who wants ‘normal’ anyway?

This new find will alter the way we do our food shopping so we’ll probably do our online shop fortnightly or maybe even monthly if I start using the butcher regularly as well. Looks like banting on a budget may be even more doable than I thought! 

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” ~ Hippocrates

Thanks for reading x

A Walk On The Wild Side

Ha ha! The title seems to be a bit misleading now that I’ve started writing this post. The Special One and I went out for a meal for the second time since Baby Girl was born 17 months ago. This happened thanks to our wonderful niece who offered to come over and babysit. To celebrate this occasion, I decided to buy red lipstick. I hardly ever wear make-up so to wear red lipstick really was a bit risqué for me.

During a long break between classes, I strolled over to Selfridges and after walking around the make-up counters, I decided to wait in line at MAC and get someone to help me choose the right colour. One of my favourite bloggers, Girl With Curves, published a post listing her favourite lipsticks so I already knew that MAC was a pretty good option and that I’d find something there. It was a long wait but eventually I found one that I liked. The first one I tried was Ruby Woo but when I applied it I really felt like I was pulling my lips so much that they’d split (or something like that). The next one was a winner – Russian Red. I didn’t feel like a teacher anymore, I felt…movie star-ish. I walked out of Selfridges with my head held high and a smile on my face. Who knew that lipstick could make you feel so good?

When I got back to school I received 5 separate compliments about the colour and how well it suited me. Yeah baby! Kinda makes me want to go out and add to my lipstick collection.

Of course I had to take some pics! Promise not to laugh…

MAC Russian Red

What do you think? Do you have a lipstick that makes you feel amazing?

Thanks for reading x

What’s Cooking

In our bid to do banting on a budget (£50 a week), I’ve been less adventurous with meals and have been sticking to the same things each week. Thankfully The Special One doesn’t mind and Baby Girl finds eating an adventure so will happily try most things.

Our menu seems to look something like this:
Goulash
Burgers (homemade, of course)
Eggs & avo
Chicken tray bake
Mince (usually following my mom’s bobotie recipe – not very LCHF, but it’s sooooo tasty)
Salmon

A delicious egg thingy I whipped up

Not very adventurous, hey? I’m always on the lookout for new recipes though and will have to something new from The Real Meal Revolution soon. All/any suggestions are welcome.

Thanks for reading x

Three Things…I’m Committing To.

Hello there, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Truth be told, I’ve been busy and tired so haven’t thought much about blogging. But on this lovely (from where I’m sitting) Monday morning, I’m going to commit to the things I want to do.

My list of non-negotiables are (in no particular order):

1. Training – lifting and running. I want to finish New Rules Of Lifting For Women and I’ve only got 2 of the 7 stages left. I also want to complete C25K again. It was exhilarating to be able to shuffle jog run 5km straight and I want to do it again.

2. Blog at least twice a week. There’s so much to write about…fitness, food, family, curly hair woes. I just need to buckle down and write.

3. Create more time. There are specific things I’d like to do during this time that I manage to etch out of my day. One is to spend more time being there with Baby Girl and (when he’s not too busy working) The Special One. The other is to clean and declutter more.

Ok, so there you have it. Originally this post was called What’s Cooking but then it turned into something else. Lol.

Thanks for reading x

Work Is Love Made Visible

The title of this post is a quote from my favourite book, ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran. Now that I’ve completed a CELTA course and made a career change, I not only understand it, but am living it.

I’m getting paid much less as a teacher than in my previous job in HR. This would normally be a cause for unhappiness, but with my salary I’m covering my travel, Baby Girl’s childcare and have a bit of change left over, and that’s ok. Yes, it’s less than half what I had before but it’s still more than many people out there and for that I feel fortunate. Best of all, I enjoy getting up early and going work. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all smiles all the time but I arrive and leave feeling good about life. That feeling is worth soooo much and I’m so blessed to be able experience it.

Thanks for reading x

The Quest To Do Better

I’m on my way back from completing an English course with a group of Russian young learners. This post has nothing to do with that though but I’ve written it so it’s staying. This post is about me knowing what I have to do regarding nutrition (LCHF/Banting) & lifestyle and yet still failing to do it.

For example, today, I felt hungry because I didn’t prepare lunch so I ‘treated’ myself to a ham & cheese toasted sandwich. Oh yeah, and a hot chocolate as well! W.T.F, right? I don’t know why I didn’t go for a more LCHF friendly option. Instead, I went for the cheap and cheerful option. Now I feel bad for having eaten ‘badly’.

Guess I need to give myself a pep talk. Here goes… “Stop feeling bad woman. Don’t punish yourself. You don’t have to be prefect. Make better decisions next time and prepare, prepare, prepare!”

Thanks for reading x

Post CELTA – An Update

It’s been 3 weeks and 2 days since I completed my CELTA course. (For those new to the blog, CELTA is a Cambridge English teacher training course.)

Here’s what I’ve been doing since then…
I’ve applied to lots of schools.
I’ve had 6 interviews.
I’ve received 5 job offers.
One school hasn’t come back to me.
I’ve completed a one week contract teaching young learners aged 9-15.
I’m currently teaching at the school where I did my CELTA 🙂

The teaching gig isn’t great in the UK as the bulk of the work is only in summer and pay isn’t amazing. But I’m very happy with the days I did my course because I’ve finished in time for summer schools and can get lots of experience. Right now I’m focused on getting experience and I love it. I love being a teacher. I really have found my calling!

Thanks for reading x

Open Burgers

My sister-in-law visited recently and we went to the shop to pick up some bits for lunch. Included in our shop was Encona extra hot pepper sauce. She mixed it with some of the South African sweet chilli sauce we brought back with us and a new condiment was born! The only problem is that I’m pretty sure this will make the red list The Real Meal Revolution.

The Special One loves this new combination so I’ve been making a lot of burgers that he can use it as an accompaniment. My burger mix is pretty basic…(not lean) mince, grated onion, salt, pepper, smoked paprika, paprika and cayenne pepper. We like to spice things up 😉

I was looking for some burger mix ideas and came across this recipe but I ignored burger recipe and tried the avo topping. Yummolicious!

Oh oh, I almost forgot to tell you about the flatbread. So I’m trying to find a burger bun substitute even only to have an ‘open’ burger. I had some shop bought coconut flour and googled recipes. I found this one which came out quite nicely. If you have a good LCHF flatbread recipe that doesn’t need too many, please let know.

Thanks for reading x

Banting and Budgeting Update

My intentions to write about our meals everyday seems to have gone out the window. I’ve been really busy! Between interviews for teaching jobs, doing a temp teaching contract, preparing lessons and seeing to my beautiful family, there’s very little time to write about what I’ve cooked.

Our meals have been a bit monotonous but they tasty so it’s all good…for now.

A brief rundown of our regular meals:
Chicken tray bake (my favourite chicken recipe courtesy of Jamie Oliver)
Not Butter Chicken (my Real Meal Revolution favourite)
Burgers (experimenting with different spice mixes – no bun…of course)
Goulash
Eggs (usually in omelette form – nice and filling)

I’ve also been experimenting with courgette rostis and have a way to go before I post about them. They go very well with the burgers.

I was having shake for breakfast but with the move to more frugal living, I’ve not bought berries. Breakfast has been an adaptation of bulletproof style coffee…coffee with some cream, a little butter and a few teaspoons coconut oil. Keeps me going for hours!

For lunch we either have leftovers or yogurt or buy something. Yes, I know, we need to deal with that but if we’re spending less on groceries and still eating healthy, nutritious meals, then it’s a step the right direction.

Hopefully once I’ve gotten into a routine with teaching then I can get back into everything else that’s important me…like this blog.

Thanks for reading x

A Humbling Workout – NROLFW 7.1

Phew am I sore today! I started Stage 7 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women yesterday and I am feeling it today. I know, I know, I haven’t mentioned Stage 6 anywhere in this blog. Well, that’s because I went to the gym earlier this week to start Stage 6 and then chickened out. The thought of attempting negative chin-ups got to me and and I just walked out of the gym. This is what happens when you take a month off to do a course and get a totally awesome result. So I’ve decided to skip Stage 6 and come back to it after Stage 7 is finished which means that I’ll start Stage 6 at the end of next week. *and breath*

Stage 6 and 7 have totally routines different from the rest of the stages and you can actually leave out stage 6 completely but I’m not going to because it’ll feel too much like cheating.

So there are only 5-6 exercises per workout in stage 7 of NROLFW – simple right? But…4 of the exercises are 4 sets at 15-20 reps. All I can say about that just over 24 hours late is OUCH! I am hurting right now. I bent to pick something up from the floor and I groaned all the way down and all the way back up again. I’m so glad that Baby Girl is asleep for the night because taking care of her would hurt so badly. I’m sure it’ll be even worse tomorrow but I’ll be back at the gym for workout number 2 of 6.

So, here’s a little run-down of the training session…

• Back squats: 1 set – 30kg x 8 reps (I was supposed to do 2 sets but the squat rack was busy so I used the weights in the ladies section but struggled to get it off my back so didn’t want to risk a second set.)
• Static lunge, rear foot elevated: I started seeing stars during these…4 sets – 9kg x 15 reps. I struggled walking down the stairs from the gym because of these.
• Push-ups: 3 sets x 15 + 1 set x 20. I feel really proud about doing 65 proper push-ups in one workout 🙂
• Barbell Romanian deadlifts: 4 sets – 20kg x 20 reps. I wasn’t sure if my form was correct through a lot of these reps. I even went onto You-Tube to check a couple of videos. My arms were getting tired of holding the barbell by the end of each set.
• Dumbbell bent-over rows: 4 sets – 9kg x 20 reps. I may do these with 10kg dumbbells next time and save the 9kg ones for when I get tired.

Did I mention that I love weightlifting? Not like I love The Special One and Baby Girl, of course! But I love feeling strong and I love seeing more muscle definition in my arms and legs – best fitness decision I ever made. One day I’ll post some before & after pics…but not yet. Workout 2 calls for barbell incline bench presses which I’ve not done before so I’m hoping that there’s someone who I know at the gym tomorrow to show me the ropes.

I’m off to an Olympic lifting workshop on Saturday. I’m kinda excited and nervous about it but will definitely let you know how it goes.

Time for me to get to bed.

Thanks for reading xx

Barefoot Sandals – Shipped

I’m very excited about my recent purchases. My Polar Loop arrived today and I can’t wait to play with it. I’ve also ordered some barefoot sandals from Xero Shoes. Now apparently you can do everything in these shoes (including extreme fitness stuff like ultra-marathons) but I’ll be sticking to using them to walk around and tan my toes (hehe).

I’ve been wearing Vibram FiveFingers shoes for a while now and I love them but the weather is warming up nicely and I like my feet to have as little as possible on them so I can’t wait to try these sandals. They look great and I can’t wait for them to arrive. I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

Thanks for reading x

Banting Frugally

Following this post where I wrote about banting on a budget, here’s what we had to eat yesterday.

Breakfast: I had a shake made with some double cream (just a bit), greek yoghurt (a few spoonfuls), an avo, handful of spinach, about 10 strawberries and a teaspoon of xylitol. The Special One had a mixture of coconut greek yoghurt, greek yoghurt and some mixed nuts. The strawberries, mixed nuts and coconut yoghurt were from a previous shop. Baby Girl usually has some of whatever we’re eating but she didn’t want shake and only had a couple of spoonfuls of daddy’s breakfast. She had plenty of booby milk though and was very satisfied with that.

Lunch: We still had Real Meal Revolution Not Butter Chicken left over from the night  before along with the salad and the (LCHF enthusiasts don’t read what follows) rice. So lunch was easy peasy. Yes, I had rice and I enjoyed it but I do need to get my act together because having rice isn’t going to get me any closer to my goals.

Dinner: The Special One had the last of the chicken and I ended up having some RMR Nutty Crackers with some cheese and nut butter (on separate crackers, in case anyone was wondering.) We were meant to have guests over for dinner and I was going to do my other favourite chicken recipe for them but they cancelled very late in the day and the chicken had already defrosted so I had to cook it anyway. Guess what we’ll be having lots of again? Yup, that’s right. Chicken.

So not much cooking going on for the whole day but I’m not sure if we’re going to get through the week with what we’ve got in the fridge/freezer. I’m going to have to be very creative 🙂

Thanks for reading x

Polar Loop Is On The Way

I’ve just ordered the Polar Loop! I’m sure excited and will have to finally go to the gym and workout. I’ve not been in a long time now because I was focussed on my course but I need to get my a$$ in gear and get there. I’ve decided to do Stage 7 of New Rules of Lifting for Women before I do stage 6. More on that another time.

I’ll post some pics when it arrives. 🙂

In the meantime, here’s the Amazon link if you want to check it out…

Banting in Britain on a Budget

Our food budget has sky-rocketed over the last few months so The Special One and I have decided to rein things in again and look carefully at our spending. We do a regular shop online but then top up by going to the local supermarket a few times a week. This means that we also end up buying nice-to-haves or things we don’t really need. Well it’s me who usually goes to the shop so I guess I’m the one who’s buying the extras.

With more frugal spending in mind, I compiled our menu for the week and created a shopping list based on this. It’s my intention to spend no more than £50 a week on food shopping. I’ll also (*try to*) post about what we’re eating and how we’re getting on with sticking to this budget.

The three stores where we’ve shopped online are: Tesco, Sainsburys and Asda. Lately we’ve shopped online from Asda because 1. they’re cheaper, 2. their website/app is superior to the other two, providing a much better shopping experience, 3. their delivery drivers are mostly friendly and 4. they usually don’t send products that are best before tomorrow! The nearest supermarket to us is Sainsburys and we can walk there very quickly so this is where we go for our top up shopping.

I intended to do a price comparison and do three pretend online shops at each store to compare prices. I only managed to do the Asda online shop before I was too tired to carry on. So today I went to Sainsburys to actually do the shopping because The Special One got one of these shopper cards which meant that we topped it up to the value of £50 but only spent £45 – bargain! Armed with my shopping list and mobile phone so that I could use the calculator, I was ready for action. I had finished getting the fruit and veg and started getting worried because I’d already gone over the £30 mark and still had to get meat, fish, cream and eggs.

£49.65 worth of shopping…

The photo above is what I managed to get for just under £50. With the Asda shop, I also had chicken breasts, a whole chicken, cream cheese, lamb chops and another dozen eggs. A huge difference! I think we’ll continue to shop at Asda because the shopping will still be cheaper even with the £5 saving on the Sainsburys card top-up.

I would love to buy organic everything but that would more than double our food spend and right now that just wouldn’t work for us. Ok so, without further ado, here’s what I bought today…

• 2 packs of chicken – thighs and drumsticks (this was for tonight’s dinner as we were having guests)
• beef mince
• beef stewing steak
• peppered mackerel
• double cream
• greek yogurt
• whole milk (I’m not sure why but I think it’s to make something I saw in The Real Meal Revolution)
• kale
• butter
• broccoli
• courgettes
• mushrooms
• 10 avos (we love them)
• cherry tomatoes
• spinach
• lemons
• cucumber
• cauliflower (for some RMR cauli rice)
• peppers
• eggs
• a sweet potato (I realised that you can have this in moderation on a LCHF lifestyle – yes, I said lifestyle)

I really want to try and stretch this over the whole week. I’d be cheating if I didn’t tell you that our fridge wasn’t completely empty so I will be using up some things that we already had. I cooked some delicious low carb ‘Not Butter Chicken‘ for dinner and it went down a treat. I still have some rice in the cupboard so I made a spicy rice concoction to accompany it for the non-banting diners. Our guests brought some salad which I jazzed up with avo, olives and some other bits from my shop earlier. We had a fantastic time. There was plenty of laughter and conversation. Good times 🙂

Thanks for reading x

CELTA – The Result

I finished the course on Friday and was expecting to receive results in the post on Saturday as UK mail is pretty quick IF items are posted first class. There was nothing in the postbox on Saturday and nothing on Monday either. I was really sad – I waited for the postman on both days. By Tuesday I wasn’t as anxious and when Baby Girl and I were coming home from being out, I decided to check if there was anything in the post…and there was! Two envelopes…one was going to have my results and the other, my report.

I couldn’t wait to get upstairs. I asked The Special One to open the results and read it to me. The results that you can get on a CELTA are: Pass A, Pass B, Pass and Fail. I was telling The Special One the other day that I was aiming for a Pass A, hoping for a Pass B but would be happy with a Pass. He opens the letter. He starts reading. “I am pleased to announce that we have recommended that you be awarded a Pass”…then he pauses…why does he pause??? “A” he says as he smiles. My brain went into a bit of a frazzle at that point. What did that mean? Yes, I have been given a Pass A! That all elusive grade has been awarded to ME 🙂 I kinda cried, kinda laughed at that point. I wanted to shout out to everyone and high five everyone in our block. I didn’t, of course.

So yes, the CELTA course was hard work and it was difficult with a baby who needs mummy’s boobies at night while mummy is trying to prepare lessons. But it is achievable and I did it! Now for this teacher to get a job and earn some money and get experience under my belt.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA – The Final Days

I completed the CELTA a few days ago now and it’s all been a bit crazy which is why I haven’t posted about it yet. Let me tell you about the last 2 days before I tell you my result.

Day 18

This was to be my final teaching day. We had a careers talk in the morning from someone in the recruitment department of the school. They didn’t paint a pretty picture for someone who, like me, has a husband and child. Well boo hoo to her because I will find a job where my whole family is welcome. After the recruitment session, we had an input session on teaching young learners. There is a CELTYL (Certificate in English Language Teaching to Young Learners) course that one can do but I think there’s only one centre near London that offers it (or is that in the whole of the UK?). The CELTA lets you teach young learners anyway and with all the summer school jobs coming up, I’m really glad that we did this session.

It was time to teach after lunch and I was on second. My classmate taught a really good lesson on comparatives. Gosh! There are so many rules to learn about every little aspect of English. My turn next and I taught a lesson on ‘would like to’ and was supposed to include a comparison to ‘like’ but kinda muddled it up and only mentioned it almost in passing. So, to illustrate what I was teaching…’I would like to fly a plane.’ vs. ‘I like flying.’ I loved teaching this lesson. Not because of the content but because I felt like a teacher. Most of it came naturally. I really felt comfortable with what I was doing. Of course it wasn’t a perfect lesson but it was the best lesson I had taught. One of my classmates said that it was the best lesson he’s seen any of us do. Pretty cool props huh?

I was feeling very good when I went home that evening knowing that I didn’t have to do any work for the next day 🙂

Day 19

Last day of school! The morning session was lots of admin. Signing stuff and filing things. Boring but essential. Then the next session we were split up into two groups and asked to prepare our top CELTA tips for the new course that was starting on Monday. Our group wrote a pretty cool poem (but I forgot to take a photo – whoops!) and the other group did a cool poster, phonemes and all. During lunch I had an interview for a summer school job. It was my first ever Skype interview and it was a bit weird but I felt good at the end of it. After lunch we joined the two teaching groups together and the teacher trainees did various activities with the whole group. Once lunch was finished, the tutors came back downstairs and we said our final goodbyes. We presented them each with a parting gift and that was that. Our month of intense coursework, assignments, lesson planning and teaching was over. Just. Like. That.

The last thing for us to do was go out for a meal and relax.

Enjoying a meal with the CELTA group

On the way home, I received a call and was offered the job that I’d interviewed for earlier that day! Yay me!! I’m not sure if I’m going to accept it yet as I have a couple of other options that I’d like to look at first. I’ll keep you posted.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 17

The end of this course is soooo close! Today, 2 of the 4 in our group taught for the last time on this CELTA course and tomorrow me and my other classmate will teach our last lesson. Excited, anxious, a bit giddy and tired are words I’d use to describe how I feel.

This morning we started our day with an observation session. We watched an experienced teacher for 90 minutes. This is good for us because otherwise we only get to see our tutors teaching us so this way we see things as proper observers.

In the input session that followed, we looked at teaching business English and teaching 1-to-1. It was interesting to see how different 1-to-1 teaching is from teaching groups and how to make up for what you don’t get in a group dynamic.

Soon it was time for teaching practice and then the day was over. It went quickly today because they were 60 minute lessons instead of the usual 40. I remember when I started this course and a 60 minute lesson seemed daunting. Now I wish they were all 60 minutes so that I can fit it all in.

Just 2 more days until I’m an official teacher! 🙂

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 16

Oh what a day! We knew that the assessor was coming in today but we didn’t know which sessions she’d be observing. I thought she would observe my classmates as that was what our tutor hinted at. Well that didn’t happen! Once we we all in this morning, our tutor asked if I’d teach first because the assessor wanted to observe my lesson before she went to the other group. Eeeek!

But first, let’s talk about the input sessions. First up today we covered literacy. We looked at learning language through the eyes of our students. These sessions are so useful because it makes us better teachers when we can relate to what our students may feel when learning in our classrooms.

The second session looked at testing and then the different exams and kinds of tests that students are exposed to. I do hope I get to teach an exam class soon in my teaching career. I think it will be good to get that experience.

Soon it was lunch and then in no time, it was over. And then it was time for me to teach. I was covering countable and uncountable nouns and introducing vocabulary related to food. I really enjoyed the lesson and it flowed well. My classmates were great because they helped me set up the room, did photocopies and were just generally really supportive. 40 minutes later and it was all over. It went so quickly and best of all…I survived!

My classmate who was next also taught vocabulary but his was related to buildings. It was a good lesson and the reason I enjoy watching classmates teach is that i can how they incorporate what we’ve learnt and then apply in lessons.

And then the day was over. Whooo hooo! Three days left and then I’m a qualified teacher. Well, you know what I mean 😉

Thanks for reading x

Mega Bunless Burgers

While out shopping for Baby Girl’s first pair of shoes ( #proudparents ), The Special One and I remembered that we’d not taken anything out of the freezer for dinner and the fridge was bare. I was in the mood for burgers. We made a detour to the supermarket and got the ingredients for our burger meal. Oh my goodness was it delicious! Here’s what it looked like…

Confession time…we didn’t make the burger patties ourselves. It was our intention to make them but then we spotted GBK (gourmet burger kitchen) patties on the shelf while looking for minced beef and thought we’d try it. So to add to that confession…I’m not completely sure how LCHF (low carb high fat) it was.

It was delish! Oh, and you may have noticed that didn’t use burger buns. Nope. We used Portobello mushrooms instead. Just sauteed them slightly in the pan with some butter. Next time we decide to do burgers though, I’ll slice the mushrooms. It was a bit tricky trying to get a mouthful of all of that burger + ‘bun’ in one go. Other than that, it’s another meal winner!

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 15

It’s the final countdown! The end is in sight BUT there are still two teaching practice (TP) sessions left and tomorrow’s TPs will be observed by the external assessor. I’m calm about it now but am sure that I’ll increase the pressure with all my internal dialogue
that goes on in my head.

This morning we had some free time and had a late start so we could finalise our assignments. This was a blessing in disguise because it gave me time to help The Special One get Baby Girl ready because he now has conjunctivitis…just as her’s is clearing up!

Because we had the morning off, we only had one input session. We were taught yet another grammar approach – a task based approach. It’s very student centred which is great and the teacher doesn’t really have to do much except instruct the exercises and monitor occasionally. There’s a lot of preparation required though so I guess it balances.

After lunch it was time for teaching practice and once again my classmates did really well. I just hope I prove my worth as a teacher tomorrow, especially if the assessor observing lesson.

I can’t believe this course is almost over. The last 3 weeks have flown by! Oh, and I’ve passed all of my assignments. Yay me! 😀

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 13 & 14

End of week 3. Wow! It feels like time has flown by and now we’re on the home stretch. Still lots to do before the end but hey, we’ve come this far so we just keep pushing on.

So…yesterday. Yeah, so Wednesday night wasn’t a good one. Baby Girl went to sleep at 3.45am and The Special One wasn’t feeling well so I stayed up with her. I also had a lesson to teach yesterday so I didn’t have time to absorb it the way I wanted to. But I’m a trooper, right? So I went in to school with a max of 3.5 hours sleep. I was feeling emotional when I left home so I had a feeling that it was a matter of time before I crack. (Lack of sleep does this to me)

The input sessions were first on writing skills which was fun and then in the next session we had to partner up and create posters on a grammar area we were given. I wasn’t so keen on that task as we had no time to get feedback on it so don’t know if we were on the right track or not.

Time flew by and then it was time for teaching practice. My classmate delivered a stellar lesson. It was awesome. I really enjoyed it but in the back of my mind was my lesson that I didn’t feel I’d prepared very well. After I taught it was time for group feedback. And. That’s. When. I. Cracked.

When my tutor asked how I felt about my lesson I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and that pre-crying choking feeling. I shed a few tears. Everyone was very sweet and supportive and then I was ok again. The feedback was good with some points (as always) to work on.

Today was much better! I still think I’m sleep deprived. I’m really tired now standing in the train going home. We didn’t have any input sessions today. The first session this morning was planning our teaching for next week. We’re grown up now you see, do we get to plan our own lessons 🙂 The next session was an assignment workshop so we could use the time to ask our tutor questions about our assignments.
More stellar performances from my peers. They are moving that bar up all the time. The standard of their teaching is just getting better and better. Long may it continue! I’ve just got to make sure I move up with them.

I’m off to enjoy the weekend and plan my lessons (this teacher has got to deliver the goods next week) and write my final assignment for course.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 12

Only 7 days left!

On Wednesday mornings we do teaching observation. Today we watched a DVD of an experienced teacher giving a grammar lesson. There were plenty of tips and good practice that can be applied to our own teaching practice.

The input session for the day was on error correction. We were looking at when to correct students and how to correct them sensitively. I’m teaching tomorrow so I’ll revise this session tonight with the intention of applying these techniques in my lesson.

Before lunch we got our assignments 3 back and…I passed! Yes!!! Just 1 more to hand in on Monday.

I am really enjoying working with our tutor and I’m learning so much from her. Today’s teaching practice went very well for both of my classmates and I saw things I’d like to apply in my lessons.

I’m on the train now to be with my special people and do my teacher prep for tomorrow.

Until next time…

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 11

After a great 3 day weekend, it was back to the books for us future teachers. Today’s 2 morning input sessions were loads of fun.

We started the day with a speaking skills lesson. We looked at how to stage a lesson and create interest then did some speaking tasks/exercises. I haven’t given a speaking lesson yet and look forward to applying those skills.

After the break, it was time to look at how to use games activities in our lessons. This was fun! We had to play the games first before deciding which level we thought the game was aimed at and the aim/purpose of the game…the language, etc that were using/practising. I’m definitely going to buy a book on games for teaching English. I think it’ll be an invaluable addition to my teacher library.

I was up first for teaching practice today. My lesson was on reading and writing. It was the first time that I was teaching the elementary level students and my first official lesson in front of our main tutor. I was quite nervous but not like my very first lesson. This was more about being able to communicate with the students and making a success of the lesson. It went better than expected and I’m glad I went first. I didn’t have to watch my classmates and then worry about how to phrase my questions, etc when it was my turn.

After we’d both taught, it was time for feedback. My tutor said something asking the lines of it being the best lesson plan she’d seen on our course so far. High praise, right? But then it got better. She said that if I’d had to leave in an emergency then any teacher could have picked up my lesson plan and teach the lesson. Boom! Yeah man! That’s the best thing someone can say about a lesson plan. Whooo hooo!

Even more good news…I’ve passed 2/2 assignments so far. Yes, the first one was a resubmit but that’s all forgotten now and it’s a pass. Turns out that if I’d not forgotten to show where words are stressed in each of the sentences that I’d have had an automatic pass. Doh!

Not so great is that Baby Girl has conjunctivitis. In many families this would mean that mommy stays at home. I’m so blessed though to be married to The Special One. He’s taken the week off to be with her as it’s contagious and can’t go to the childminder.

Right now I’m on the train to go and be with them.

Thanks for reading x

Curly haircut

I went for a haircut 2 weeks ago. My hair hadn’t been cut since February 2013, just before Baby Girl was born. It was way overdue! The haircut, not the baby 😉 I was getting so frustrated that I actually cut a few curls where the ends had become too wispy.

Last year when I had my hair cut, I want happy with the way they treated my hair at the salon. Even though they were recommended on my holy grail of curly hair care, British Curlies, I was very disappointed. Using a narrow comb on my bra strap length curly hair, argh! Not a good sign.

Prior to this cut, I’d had my hair cut by Carlos Flores, aka the curl genius. He’s great. I love the way he treats my hair. I love the advice he gives. He is true to the curly girl way. But he lives and works in New York which is a problem. He does come to London twice a year but for the past four visits, our schedules have clashed. He also charges £100 a time. Now that seems like a lot but you’re getting a couple of hours with this man who will take such good care of your hair, provide good conversation and a laugh and give you a wealth of advice. In my opinion, he’s worth it.

Carlos is coming to London in June but I couldn’t wait until then. I was desperate. So I scoured British Curlies for a London based hair stylist recommendation. I came across 3thirty. Tiff, the owner took great care of my hair. She talked me zqqq how she was going to cut it and why. She was lovely. When I walked out of the salon, my hair looked awesome. Better than that though, I felt amazing. That’s what’s meant to happen when you leave a salon, right? The only thing I wasn’t happy about was the products she used which I bought. (I only checked the ingredients when I got home.) It was packed full of cones, quats and sulphates – ingredients I try to avoid. I haven’t used it and am going that I can return it. Other than that I’m happy. Oh and she cut my hair wet as opposed to Carlos who cuts curls dry.

I still think Carlos is the man when it comes to curly hair but if he’s not around then I’ll definitely go back to Tiff at 3Thirty.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 10

Halfway! Whooo hooo! Aside from only having 1.5 hours sleep last night, today has been a great day.

Our first session this morning was learning about the new class that we’ll be going to. We had to pair up with someone from the other group and talk through the class, the difficulties and strategies we find best. I suppose the idea being that we set each other up for success. It’s not a competition after all…we can all pass.

The second session was an assignment workshop. We handed one in today (assignment 2) and number three is due back on Tuesday as it’s a public holiday on Monday. Yay for holidays!

The last session before lunch was teaching practice preparation (TP prep). Each group sits with their tutor and goes through the upcoming lessons looking at the exercises and staging of the lessons. These sessions with the tutor really help because sometimes when you look at what they’ve assigned it all seems overwhelming but then after the TP prep it all seems manageable.

The teaching session for the afternoon was spent with the new group doing some fun activities. My classmates learnt some new things about me. Ha ha. “You lift weights?” You’ve been on tv?” “You’re married to a rapper?” Yes Yes Yes 🙂

Now I’m on my way to fetch our beautiful Baby Girl. I can’t wait to see her and then we’ll wait for The Special One get home.

I hope to do the following this weekend:
1. Spend quality time with my special people.
2. Go to the gym twice (I really miss it).
3. Do my resubmit for assignment 1. The cool thing about this course is that you can resubmit an assignment and it won’t affect your final grade.
4. Work on and finish assignment 3.
5. Work on and complete my lesson plan for Tuesday. Then all I’d need to do on Tuesday is print materials.
6. Have a few afternoon naps. This teacher needs to rest!
7. Buy Baby Girl some shoes – she’s walking now and needs some for when it’s damp outside.

Easy street.

I’m really looking forward to this weekend. 🙂

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 9

I wasn’t expecting the exercise that we did today in class. During the first session, we were asked to watch our tutor as she presented a grammar area to us. We had to observe her methods and the sequence in which she presented each stage.

Then, we were each given a grammar area to present. We had to keep it from our peers so that we could elicit the answers from them through the process instead of just having them tell us what we’re presenting. What fun…not! Well that’s what I thought at first when I was given the first conditional to teach. Exactly! What’s the first conditional?!? Here goes…my model sentence was ‘If it rains, I’ll get wet.’ As we were in London and the sky was looking a bit dark, this was a likely event. And that, dear readers, is the first conditional. Where the condition is a likely event. Simples.

We went up randomly to present to the rest of the class. I was nervous as *#©€ to be ‘teaching’ them, my peers but I really enjoyed it and it felt very natural. It was a great experience in the end. We had a laugh and we also got to see each other’s teaching styles. And we learnt 8 different grammar models to use out in the real world.

To end the day, I got to observe two of my classmates teaching the elementary level which I’ll start teaching from next week. This level comes with its own set of challenges. While the grammar we teach will be simpler than these past 2 weeks, the interaction is greatly reduced because their limited understanding English. Thankfully I’ll get to experience both these levels before going out there and getting a teaching job.

On the way home, a guy almost stepped on my foot. He apologised and then did a double take to look at my feet. I was wearing my gym shoes because my other pair of Vibrams are dying rapidly. He commented on them, then wiped out his phone to take a picture. “That’s going on Facebook later”, he says. Ha ha. My feet are going to be famous!

All in all it was a good day. I’m on my way into school now having only had about 1.5 hours sleep. But I’ll tell you about that in the next post.

Ps…only 10 more days until I’m officially a teacher! Whooo hooo!!

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 9

I wasn’t expecting the exercise that we did today in class. During the first session, we were asked to watch our tutor as she presented a grammar area to us. We had to observe her methods and the sequence in which she presented each stage.

Then, we were each given a grammar area to present. We had to keep it from our peers so that we could elicit the answers from them through the process instead of just having them tell us what we’re presenting. What fun…not! Well that’s what I thought at first when I was given the first conditional to teach. Exactly! What’s the first conditional?!? Here goes…my model sentence was ‘If it rains, I’ll get wet.’ As we were in London and the sky was looking a bit dark, this was a likely event. And that, dear readers, is the first conditional. Where the condition is a likely event. Simples.

We went up randomly to present to the rest of the class. I was nervous as *#©€ to be ‘teaching’ them, my peers but I really enjoyed it and it felt very natural. It was a great experience in the end. We had a laugh and we also got to see each other’s teaching styles. And we learnt 8 different grammar models to use out in the real world.

To end the day, I got to observe two of my classmates teaching the elementary level which I’ll start teaching from next week. This level comes with its own set of challenges. While the grammar we teach will be simpler than these past 2 weeks, the interaction is greatly reduced because their limited understanding English. Thankfully I’ll get to experience both these levels before going out there and getting a teaching job.

On the way home, a guy almost stepped on my foot. He apologised and then did a double take to look at my feet. I was wearing my gym shoes because my other pair of Vibrams are dying rapidly. He commented on them, then wiped out his phone to take a picture. “That’s going on Facebook later”, he says. Ha ha. My feet are going to be famous!

All in all it was a good day. I’m on my way into school now having only had about 1.5 hours sleep. But I’ll tell you about that in the next post.

Ps…only 10 more days until I’m officially a teacher! Whooo hooo!!

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 8

Very often we’re our worst critics, aren’t we? I taught a 60 minute lesson today (previous ones were all 40 minutes) and I felt that it was my worst lesson yet. But I was the only one who thought so.

Let’s go through the day. This morning was an observation session so we watched an experienced teacher for 90 minutes. It was interesting to see the difference in language levels. Today’s group was pre-intermediate and involved a lot more miming and acting out concepts than we have in our intermediate class. I’m glad we watched him teach as my group will be moving to the elementary level next week.

After the break we had an input session on alternative ways to introduce grammar. Most of us liked these new methods: test – teach – test and guided discovery. They are more student centred and can be a bit more interesting than what we do now.

Time was moving on and it was almost time for teaching practice to start. I was soooo nervous and ill-prepared. Baby Girl wasn’t very well last night and needed more mommy time. This meant that I didn’t get a block of time to finish typing out my lesson plan and arranging my thoughts. She kept waking up and I went to lay with her each time and…I fell asleep each time. The third time that this happened, the Special One wasn’t there to wake me because he was already asleep, so when I woke up it was time to get ready for school! The pc was still on, my papers were scattered everywhere and my lesson plan was still not finished.

When it was time do give my lesson, I’d just about managed to produce a half typed, half handwritten plan and hadn’t made all the pretty handouts that I’d wanted to make. I just had to get on with it. I forgot so many things! My lesson involved reading tasks, speaking tasks and a grammar lesson so it was full on. I forgot to pre-teach the vocabulary but thankfully it didn’t hamper understanding. I forgot to write the form of the grammar on the whiteboard. I skipped exercises. In my eyes, it was a disaster. To a classmate who was observing me and the intermediate level for the first time, he thought it was great. My tutor thought there were some very good points and strengths displayed besides some opportunities for improvement. Thank goodness I’m not the one deciding if I pass or fail!

So I’m on the train now heading home to my special people. I’ve got an assignment to prepare for hand in on Friday…yes that’s 2 days from now, I know. This isn’t procrastination though. I’ve been working on it and now just need to write it up. This course is hectic with everything done on top of each other. But I’m gonna get through it. Watch me.

Thanks for reading x

The Feeling When…

I don’t like leaving for school in the mornings. Baby Girl cries most mornings as I leave so it’s the last sound I hear from her. I don’t like it. It makes me feel like I’m a bad mother.

Really, it does.

I feel like I should be there to comfort her, especially now as she’s got a cold, and be there for her. I know that she has her daddy there to get her ready in the mornings. I know that this course is only for another 11 days. I know that I can’t be there for her every second of every day.

But still I wonder..what is she thinking when I walk out of the door. Does she think I’m deserting her? Will this experience tattoo itself into her subconscious and manifest itself as some kind of hangup in adulthood? Who knows?

One thing’s for sure, walking out of the door while Baby Girl is crying is one of the worst feelings ever (for me).

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 6 & 7

The days are merging into each other now. This course is intense but it’s broken up into (barely) manageable bits.

Yesterday we had to hand in our first assignment. It’s a grammar based assignment and it really helped with looking at how to teach a grammar lesson and what students might
struggle with.

I taught again yesterday as well. A vocabulary lesson this time. I was unhappy with how it went but the feedback from my classmates and tutor were positive so I’ll work on the development areas in my next lesson.

This morning’s input session was a foreign language lesson. We were taught Nyanja, one of the official languages of Zambia. I must add that no English was spoken during the lesson. It was fun and we learned new words but the essence of the lesson was to remove our teacher hats and put us in the shoes of our students. Mission accomplished.

The afternoon input session was on giving a vocabulary lesson and it was full of different ways that we can introduce language to students.

After lunch it was teaching time and thankfully I was ‘off’ today. I’m teaching my first 60 minute lesson tomorrow. Eeek!

I’ll be working very hard to ensure my lesson stays on track and that I achieve my aims within the allocated time. There’s lots of work to do this evening but Baby Girl isn’t very well so I’ll be spending time with her as I’m sure she wants Mama time too.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 5

It’s the end of week one of my CELTA course and I am T.I.R.E.D! This course requires so much home working and I’m able to give my full concentration only after Baby Girl has gone to sleep. The Special One does loads at home (I’m sooo blessed) but if she wants me then I’m not going to push her aside in favour of my books. I hope it doesn’t have to come to that as the intensity of the course increases.

The morning input session (the classes we are taught) was on extracting grammar from a text. In other words, using a piece of text to show learners the grammar you want to teach them. It’s great to see things fall into place. In the beginning when we don’t know how to do it it’s like we’re flailing in deep water and then after a while we’re floating comfortably but not yet swimming. That’s ok though because this course gives us the tools to become great swimmers teachers but the greatness comes with experience.

In the afternoon we covered CCQs which are concept check questions. Here, these are questions we use to check that the learners understand the meaning of what we’re teaching. So if I was teaching the concept of give a lift,  then after we’d established what it meant, I’d ask them ‘am I paying’ (no) and ‘how are we going? ‘ (by car). It’s interesting stuff actually if you’re into that kind thing. Lol

Teaching practice followed and ask I had to do was observe. Happy days. It’s great to see how my classmates teach their lessons and learn from them.

It’s now Tuesday of week 2 as I finish writing this post. That’s how busy this course is!  Lots to catch up on.

Thanks for reading x

I Miss The Gym

It’s been a week since I’ve been to the gym and I’m having withdrawal symptoms. This once-upon-a-time any-excuse-not-to-do-anything-physical teenager has grown up to be a fitness loving 30-something. It’s the book New Rules Of Lifting For Women that really changed things for me. I’m still busy with the program and am about to start stage 6 of 7 sometime this weekend. Before I started doing NROLFW, all I did was cardio…begrudgingly. Now I lift weights and enjoy going to the gym and love the feeling of being strong.

But this course that I started on Monday has put a spanner in the works. I am at school from 9.30am – 5pm each day which means I leave home before 8am and get home around 6pm. While I’m at home I need to spend time with my Special People, do loads of coursework and prepare lessons in minute detail. This leaves little no time to go to the gym.

I’m hoping to get 2 gym visits in this weekend. I’m excited to start stage 6 of NROLFW as it opens with negative chin-ups. I’m also a little apprehensive about looking like an idiot while doing them.

But if I had to sum up this post in one line, it would be this… I miss the gym and can’t wait to finish this course and resume a bit of normalcy.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 4

Second teaching practice is in the bag. Whooo hooo! But first…

Today we covered lesson planning. Oh my goodness! There’s so much to do!! There are so many forms to complete as part of the process. I know that doing it will make me a better teacher so I’m not going to run away from it. No, not me. Lesson planning, I embrace you. Most of my weekend will no doubt be taken up planning my next lesson for this course. No wait, it can’t. I also have an assignment due on Monday and one next Friday. Eek! I’m calm though. I’ve got it all under control. 😉

Ok, can we talk about my lesson now? Great. I taught a grammar lesson, covering present simple and present progressive. Say what??? Ha ha. Let me give an example…
I am a mother. This is in the present simple form because it stating a fact.
I am wearing a skirt. This is in the present progressive form because it is happening at this moment. It’s not permanent.
If it doesn’t make sense, don’t worry about it (unless you’re a CELTA trainee, then you best learn it ;-))

There weren’t too many blank faces while I taught. Thankfully I planned the lesson in advance and it flowed really well. I went slightly over time and had to cut an exercise sorry. Thankfully I didn’t have to cut anything out totally like I did my first lesson. I forgot a couple of things and my mind went blank when I was trying to explain state verbs. I’m not even going to get into that now. And I also forgot about drilling. A technique we use to embed the language. I’ll remember it for next time.

After teaching, we had individual feedback sessions with our tutors. I enjoyed mine. I received some constructive feedback on what to work on and we spoke through my strengths and how to build on what appears be a good foundation. And breathe…

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 3

I’m on the train heading home as I write this. Yay! I had a good sleep last night and was refreshed for the course this morning. Given the time I left home, I should have arrived with 15 to spare before class started. Instead, I was 20 minutes late. Dammit! While lamenting about my journey to my classmates, I learnt that the station next to college was open and I’d been avoiding it for the past 3 days, thinking it was closed. Doh!

Today we watched an experienced teacher deliver a lesson. It was great to see someone else in action and hear their hints and tips. We definitely had some takeaways that we can use in our own teaching practice.

Our lesson today was on phonology. You know, that’s where weird symbols are used to write words. What seemed like gobbledygook before suddenly made sense. I love how our tutor delivers lessons and I hope to be as engaging a teacher her one day. I still struggle with stresses on words – deciding which syllable in a word is stressed.

I’m teaching again tomorrow and will have to do some work on my assignments. I’m almost home now which means I’ll get to spend some time with my special people before hitting the books again. No rest for me!

Thanks for reading x

Chocolate Cake In A Cup

Yes, you read that right. I’ve been scouring the internet for low carb high fat desserts and came across a ‘chocolate cake in a cup’ recipe here.

I have it a try and The Special One loved it. I find it quite rich and so it definitely fills the ‘I really want a chocolatey dessert’ need. The recipe is simple and the first time I made it I followed it as is, except for the erithrytol. I don’t have any so used xylitol instead.

Second time around, I added a block of dark chocolate. Oh wow! It was so good that The Special One asked if I’d make it again later that evening.

The recipe below is what I used. See the link above for the original.

Ingredients:
1 tbsp butter
1 block of dark chocolate (I used Lindt 70%)
1 egg
¼ tsp baking powder
1½ tbsp cocoa
1 tbsp double cream
½ tsp vanilla extract paste
2 tsp xylitol

Method:
Place butter in a mug. Break up chocolate into pieces and add to mug. Melt in microwave. (20 seconds on high worked for me)
Add egg and mix well (I use a small cake fork)
Add the rest of the ingredients and mix again.
Microwave mixture for 1 min 30 seconds.
That is it! All done.

We usually just have it in the cup with double cream. I turned it out into a bowl this time to see if it would photograph better and just slid out and it looked good too. To be honest, I should check how many net carbs are this dessert (and its really LCHF) but as a once in a while treat, it sure beats some of the crap I could buy in the shop.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 2

Today we learnt about how to structure a grammar lesson. It was fun and interesting as we had to put on our ‘student’ hats and we were taught as if we were learning English grammar. It really helps to see how these lessons take place instead of just been given the theory.

My mind kept going to forward in time…to after lunch. No, I’d not packed in a wonderful lunch, nor was I planning to buy one. Instead I was thinking about the lesson that I’d be giving later. Yes, day 2 of my course and I was up first to do teaching practice. Luck of the draw? I wonder how they decided who goes first.

I am pleased to say that I’m on my way home now and it’s over. You want to know something else? I survived 🙂 Yes, I was very nervous and felt very hot and sweaty. I think that was always going to happen (to me). But the students were able to learn something from me. From me! I’m feeling really good right now. I enjoy donning the teacher hat.

Yes, it’s still early in the course. Yes, there are lots of things I need to work on and improve. Yes, I have an assignment due on Monday and another lesson to prepare for Thursday. Yes, I’ve only had 4.5 hours of broken sleep. But right now, for the next half hour while I travel home, I’m going to bask in the success and feeling of achievement that’s come from competing my first lesson.

Thanks for reading x

CELTA Day 1

Today I started the Cambridge CELTA (Certificate in teaching English to adults) course. It’s an intensive 4 week course although it can be done part time over  12 weeks or online through some schools. I want to get it over and done with so that I can start teaching and gain some experience. 

Day 1 was pleasant. We met our fellow classmates – there are 8 of us, and our 2 tutors. I think it’s the calm before the storm. Ease them in gently then wham! We got to observe 1 of our tutors giving a lesson. Gee whiz. It’s very interactive which is great. I like the idea of not standing in front of a class and just talking for ages.

I’m actually teaching a lesson tomorrow. Yes, that’s right. Day 2 and I’m first up to deliver am English lesson. Eek! I’ll be fine. Yes, I’ll be fine, right? Of course I’ll be fine. Right?

I missed my Baby Girl today. It’s the first time I’ve been away from her for so long. She had fun today by the looks of it. I think I was more embarrassed than anyone else I spoke to about my requirements regarding space to express or store breast milk. No batting of eyelids when I asked for a room at reception and the guy who runs the cafe was so lovely and took the milk from me to store in the refrigerator. Is breastfeeding seen as normal again?  People are mostly wonderful. That’s how I feel right now.

Well I’m almost home and can’t wait to see my 2 special people. I don’t need to cook as the meals for the week are in the freezer. I’m ready for some quality time and then hitting the books so that this teacher can prepare tomorrow’s lesson. Till next time.

Thanks for reading x

Homemade Nut Butter

We have been making almond butter occasionally for the past few years that we’ve had our Vitamix. The last time we The Special One made some, something went wrong and the Vitamix broke.

The cool thing about Vitamix is that when things go wrong, you call them up and they send you a replacement for free. Pronto. Sometimes you have to pay because someone forgot the metal spoon in the blender (this happened at least 3 times). Kudos to the Vitamix though because the spoons had to be thrown away.

I read on the Vitamix website here that roasting the nuts gives them a creamier texture, so I decided to try it. We only had bags of mixed nuts so used that. Total awesomeness! The butter was so creamy and delicious and the best part was that it was done in less than half the time it takes to make it with unroasted nuts. We added a couple of twists of sea salt from the grinder and that was it.

Delicious on slices of apple, on the low carb crackers from The Real Meal Revolution or straight off the spoon.

There you have it. Short and sweet but oh so good!

Thanks for reading x

Looking Back, Moving Forward

I find it difficult to look in the mirror and see the changes that have occurred over the past months and years. In some areas the changes are more subtle but they are definitely there. I just find it difficult to see when I’m looking at myself.

The other day I was going into town without Baby Girl and this meant I didn’t have to worry about wearing something that was breastfeeding friendly. I decided to wear one of the dresses I’d bought for my course and asked The Special One to take a couple of photos.

I liked what I saw and was pleased because I’m fitting into UK size 14 easily. It’s been a while but I have bought size 22 clothing in the past. You can see why I’d be pleased, right?

Yet when I look in the mirror I don’t see the changes. So I decided to find older full length photos of myself and compare them to the ones that had just been taken. This is the result.

I think the difference is huge, so how do I not see when I look in the mirror? Another post for another day perhaps. This collage is just another motivator for me to keep going. It affirms that what I’m doing is right – for me.

And so while going back isn’t an option, looking back is certainly useful in checking in and seeing how far I’ve come. The journey continues.

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Not Butter Chicken

I first made this dish when my brother in law came to visit. I like using him as my guinea pig for new recipes and this one was a huge hit. We were expecting my sister in law and family to visit the next time I made the Not Butter Chicken recipe from my LCHF bible, The Real Meal Revolution. When they cancelled it wasn’t that much of a train smash. It just meant that we had about three meals worth of food prepped. Awesomeness.

The name is deceiving. It’s meant to indicate that it’s not butter chicken that you’d usually get in an Indian restaurant out takeaway. This dish actually does use quite a bit of butter. It should be called True Butter Chicken. Maybe it’ll get renamed in the 3rd edition.

The recipe:

Ready for baking

All done. Hot and delicious.

This meal is so delicious. On the RMR website, the provide corrections to recipes published in the first edition. They make a suggestion for getting the sauce nice and thick. We like it the way it is, slightly runny and drink it like soup.

I absolutely love following a low carb high fat plan and the Real Meal Revolution is a great reference. I’m not sure how easy it is to get outside of South Africa.

Thanks for reading x

Five Down, Two To Go (NROLFW)

Stage 5 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women is finished. Whooo hooo!! I’m so pleased that I’ve come this far. So please with the progress I’ve made – not only in terms of strength but also emotionally and the stuff going on in my head. I’m much more confident and this ‘new’ me has a new, positive approach to many things.

The workout: 5B4…
Side note: I’ve previously written that with these last workouts I want to concentrate on getting my form right and so won’t be chasing new personal bests. Having said that, where I could go heavier, I did and when I felt my form wasn’t quite right, I kept the weight the same.

Barbell Romanian deadlift/bent over row: I felt really good about these today. I love deadlifts but it’s the rows that have me holding back on weight. I’m pleased to have hit a new PR set of 52.5kg. 💪💪

Partial single-leg squat: This is one exercise where I’ve stopped adding weight and am concentrating on form. I think 2 x 16kg kettlebells is pretty good already. I did all my sets with these and concentrated on going lower. There’s definitely been an improvement.

Wide-grip lat pulldown: These killed me today. I don’t know what happened. I started on 54.3kg which is what I ended with last time but managed 3 with good form. I had to do the rest of my sets with 52kg. Not a train smash of course but I would have liked to maintain the new weight.

Back extension: Stayed with a 15kg plate. An older gentleman was at the bench as I approached. I was about to turn back when he called and said we can share. ☺ When he finished he told me that he’s seen me around and I’m very strong and he’s very impressed. I should keep it up. He also said he’s seen me do some other bench work (incline bench press) and I lift more weight than him. Sweet, right?

YTWL: This is the exercise in NROLFW that I dislike the most. That’s probably because it’s so bloody hard. I’m only doing it with 6kg dumbbells and it sucks. I’m pleased that my form has really improved and I’m able to lift those 6kg babies up nicely (for the most part).

Prone jackknife: I like these. Did a couple of sets of 12 and one of 14. When I do these again, I’m going to try it in the TRX suspension trainer.

Reverse crunch: Nothing much to report. I did 3 sets of 16.

Russian twist: Using a 10kg dumbbell, I did 3 sets of 16. My obliques love me now

In the middle of doing the mat work, a trainer who was working next to me with his client asked if I’d written the program myself. I told him about NROLFW and he said he was impressed with what I’ve been doing and that he’s seen my progress physically from when I started. Ah, nothing like props from a trainer to boost motivation.

Prone cobra: Ok, by this time by core was tired and I was getting tired of being in the gym so I only did 2 sets. First one was a minute long. Then I made a deal with myself…as you do. If I wasn’t going to finish previously then I had better do a 2 minute cobra. Well…I did it!!! I’m super happy about it. Everything was shaking at the end but it was worth it. ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

I finished this workout with 15 minutes of interval training on the treadmill.

Time: 15m16s
Distance: 1.21 miles
Pace: 12:45 (I still don’t understand pace)
I’m happy with this finish. I sprinted this last 2 intervals and this is the farthest I’ve gone in my intervals. I may try something different for intervals next and save the treadmill for 5k training which I need to start again. (Did I mention I’m thinking of joining the local running club?)

How do I feel that it’s over? Frigging great! I’m happy to welcome shorter workouts in new Rules of Lifting stage 6. I’m a little apprehensive about the negative chin ups as they didn’t go so week in the park the other day. But then a few months ago I couldn’t do push ups and now I’m doing spideys 😛

I’ll probably have to dial back my workouts to twice a week with my course starting on Monday. Hopefully the longer rests will mean good recovery so I can do those chin ups…like a boss! I’ll aim to fit in some form of exercise from home on most other days, even if it’s just 10 minutes.

Geez I’ve had a lot to say!

One more thing…on the way home I was hungry. I went to the local supermarket as we needed a few things and picked up some roasted chicken and a coconut water. Perfect lunch with some salad bits that we had at home. Yum.

I’m really done now. Just. Need. To. Post. Pics. 😉

Thanks for reading x

Feeling The Burn And Loving It

It’s been a few days since I’ve been to the gym. I’d planned to go on Sunday but then we got back late from our walk in the park but I guess that counts as exercise so that’s ok. The good thing is that I went today. The gym was full! Must be the public holiday bringing everyone out. I usually do the first part of my workout in the free weights area but it was so full of meat heads (no offence, I’m sure they’re all really nice men) that I decided to take my weights to the ladies area.

Today’s workout was New Rules Of Lifting For Women stage 5 workout A4 which also means it was the last 5A workout for NROLFW ever 🙂 I wasn’t too focussed on setting too many personal bests today. I wanted to lift with good form and end this one knowing that I gave it my all.

Starting the workout was the one-armed dumbbell snatch which went ok. I did the same weights as last time: 4 sets of 4 reps with 16kg – 18kg – 18kg – 20kg. I had to dig deep on that last set and boy did it leave me breathless! No wonder this is considered a fat burning stage – it certainly had me puffing most of the way through.

Next up was a superset that started with dumbbell single-leg Romanian deadlifts. I didn’t increase my weights here from the 2 x 20kg kettlebells that I used but it was much easier than the last workout. Next up were barbell bent-over rows and again I repeated what I did last time knowing that I struggled with form on the last 2 sets and this time it was much better. I’m really pleased about that and will definitely aim to set some new PRs in the future with my rows.

When I was doing the dumbbell single-arm overhead squats, I started with a 20kg kettlebell and an 8kg dumbell for the first set. I really felt I could do more but couldn’t be bothered to walk over to the free weights area to fetch a 22kg dumbbell so….I picked up a 24kg kettlebell instead and did 2 sets. Like a Boss!

The next exercise in that superset was the dumbbell incline bench press. Again I stuck to my previous 14kg dumbbells. I knew I could do this semi easily which is why I increased the reps. The reason I didn’t go heavier was that I really feel like I want to have someone spotting me or I’d rather use a barbell. Of course I was training on my own so didn’t have someone to spot me and I was not about to ask one of the guys. There was someone working in the gym but he seemed pretty useless (like when I asked him to bring the bench back to the ladies area and he told me there is a bench free but it’s broken!?!) Stage 6 requires barbell incline bench presses so I’ll get one of the trainers in the gym to help me when I do it for the first time.

Planks, glorious planks. I smashed these last time and did 3 two minute planks as per the program. Today I decided to shorten the time and do some plank variations. So I did one 60 second and two 90 second planks and added leg raises and a few other variations and it felt good. I seem to be constantly disappointed with woodchops. This is probably because I’m not using the cable machine and so today I used a 9kg dumbbell. I should be happy as it’s a PR but I’m sure I would have been doing more if I was using the cable machine.

What I am most proud of (besides the 24kg in my overhead squat) is my performance in the body weight matrix. In stage 3, my very first BWM was 3 minutes exactly and I managed to shave only a few seconds off that time. When I started stage 5…wait, let me draw a table…

Pretty awesome, right? It’s only just over a minute less BUT it’s still OVER A MINUTE LESS!!!

I am really looking forward to going to the gym on Wednesday and also to see the end of this stage. The workouts are so long. I’ve read on forums that stage 6 workouts are much shorter which is great. Although, the first stage 6 exercise is a negative chin up and those didn’t go so well when I tried it in the park yesterday. I can only get better at it, right?

Oh, and I remembered my phone and the changing rooms were accessible today so here are some photos (cos I know how much you love them…haha).

Whoo! That ‘during the BWM’ pic is not pretty!

Thanks for reading x

New Rules Of Lifting For Women 5B3

Only 2 works left and then it’s time for negative pull ups! Eeek! But let’s not jump the gun. I need to stay in the present. I did New Rules Of Lifting For Women stage 5 workout B3 yesterday. It was goooood!

I feel like I’m at that stage where I’m not adding big increments of weight to my lifts. For my barbell Romanian deadliest/bent over row, for example, I did sets of 42.5kg ➡ 47.5kg ➡ 47.5kg ➡ 50kg…baby steps. It’s not the deadlift part that’s holding me back because I know I can lift more. It’s the rows that are hard at that weight. I’ll just have to keep at it and soon I’ll be rowing more.

Compared to 5A, I don’t work up as much of a sweat until the intervals at the end. It almost makes me feel like I’m slacking although I know I’m not. Nothing new to report on my single leg squats except that I’m going to keep using 16kg kettle bells and aim to go lower. My wide grip lat pulldowns were ok. I increased the weight slightly to 54.3kg and it was hard but I did it!

I did back extensions with a 15kg plate, same as last time. I think I’ll try it with 20kg next time. The dreaded YTWLs were ok today. I went up to 6kg for 2 sets. Sound like a small weight but do the drill then come talk to me. Lol!

With the core work I did my thing : prone jackknives, reverse crunches and weighted Russian twists. Oooh did I feel that and it felt good! I ended the mat work with prone cobras which I had avoided the previous 2 workouts because I feel stupid doing them. 1 x 60 seconds and 2 x 90 seconds. Boy did I feel that! Geeez!!!! I’m not skipping them again.

Finally it was interval time. My weapon of choice was the treadmill. I made every one of those 15 minutes count. I was so sweaty but that’s supposed to happen in a gym, right? During the final sprint I glanced at the timer and saw there were 25 seconds left and I actually said in my head “bring it treadmill”! It’s fun in my head.

Oh and I took some photos for you ☺ I tried to capture how sweaty I was in case you didn’t believe me.

Fingers crossed I get to the gym on Saturday for my last 5A workout.

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Nutty Crackers

I have been wanting to make these crackers from my LCHF bible, The Real Meal Revolution, for ages! My psyllium husk finally arrived in the post today so I could make them. Yay! These crackers are so simple to make and taste great. So great in fact that The Special One has instructed me to put them away for fear of finishing them.

This recipe is easy peasy. I had to make it in 2 batches because I didn’t have big enough baking trays but this wasn’t a problem.

Ingredients:
200g sunflower seeds
60g flax seeds
100g sesame seeds
2 tbsp psyllium husks
500ml water
1 tsp salt

Method:
1. Preheat oven to 160°C.
2. Combine ingredients and leave the mixture to stands until it is thick and pliable.
3. Spread the mixture out as thinly as possible on a baking sheet or in a baking tray. The mix should have no holes in it. (I lined the tray with greaseproof paper.)
4. Bake the trays for an hour. You may need to rotate them away from the hot spots in the oven.
5. After an hour and a few turns it should only take another 15 or 20 minutes until they are seriously crispy. (I used a fan assisted oven so didn’t turn it and just named it for 1hr 15 minutes.)
6. Remove from the oven and leave to cool. Once cooled, break them into any size you like and store in an airtight container.
Makes 16 crackers (I didn’t get perfect shape so got more than 16 but then we were eating them so not sure what the actual yield was.)

I’m so excited with how these turned out. It’s definitely something I’ll be making often. Tasted great with the nut butter we made last night and it was pretty awesome with some cheese. I’ll be attempting some low carb courgette humus soon which should be a good accompaniment to the crackers. Watch this space.

Thanks for reading x

Three Things…You Probably Didn’t Know About Me

I’m not one to share much about myself, probably for fear of ridicule or some other reason that I think up in this head of mine. This blog is a way of overcoming that but I hadn’t shared it with anyone I knew except for The Special One (he knows everything). Recently one of my closest friend’s scolded me for not sharing and encouraged me to announce to Facebook that I blogged. It was scary but I did it and now I’m over it. This post isn’t about my worst secrets or anything like that. Just a few things that I don’t often share.

1. I’ve been married before.
This isn’t news to everyone, of course, it’s just something that rarely comes up in conversation. My mother-in-law only found out on our wedding day when it was mentioned in The Special One’s speech. *Embarrassing* My first marriage lasted 3 years. I was too young (24),  and too lacking in self-confidence and self-worth to end the relationship before the marriage so I just carried on and made it work. But that attitude could only carry me so far and there was a breaking point and when it hit, I left. I don’t regret that first marriage. It was the catalyst that got me out of a very comfortable place in my life and the divorce was the reason I moved to the UK. I needed a change of scenery. The marriage -> divorce -> move led to me meeting The Special One. I’m not sure if I would have met him if I didn’t get married that first time. Maybe the Universe set it up like that. A trial run for me to learn some life lessons before the real thing. If that’s the case, Universe, I thank you.

2. I was 17 when I first wore jeans.
Crazy, right? Wondering why? Well it was because I could never get into jeans. At least not female jeans. In fact, the first jeans I wore were from the men’s section. It was actually quite horrible when I think about it now. The were very loose fitting and too big in places and quite unflattering. Before I had them, there was one pair of black trousers that I lived in. They were my going out trousers. It’s so funny when I look back. It’s also sad. I’m not sure how I got so big and I realise that I missed out on a lot of things because of my size. I was often to embarrassed or scared to participate in things. I remember going on a date in high school and I wore my black trousers and the guy asked if those were the only ones I had. *mortified* Since then I’ve had a love/hate relationship with jeans. Often struggling to find a pair that a) fit and b) fit my waist and bum properly. Thankfully with the work that I’m putting in at the gym and making smatter food choices, this is getting easier. I can now rock skinny jeans 😉 I think with my waist/bum measurement, this perfect fit dream may remain a slight problem.

3. I can’t ride a bicycle (yet).
Yep, that’s right. I have never ridden a bike. I don’t know why I was never taught by my parents or brothers. Well I don’t expect my mom to have taught me since she can’t ride a bike either but I definitely know my dad can as he still rides to the beach every day. My brothers were 8 and 11 years old when I was born, making them old enough to teach their baby sister a trick or two, but they didn’t. But, enough of pointing fingers. I am going to learn to ride a bike in 2014.    Feel free to ask me about that on New Years Eve ☺ I feel a sense of duty to be able to ride a bike. As a mother, I want to be able to go to the park and ride around with Baby Girl. That, and I just really want to ride a bike!

So, that’s that for now. I hope that wasn’t too boring! 😜

Thanks for reading x

Slow Progress Is Still Progress

I was at the gym today and did stage 5 workout A3 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women. I didn’t progress much in terms of adding more weight to most of the exercises that I did but I realised that this is ok. I’m doing more sets with the higher weights and even a 5kg increase in weight is an achievement and I should celebrate this.

I felt good going into the gym today. I decided to do the first 3 exercises in the  free weights area. Usually I’d lug all the dumbbells I need to the ladies area and only go to the free weights area when I need the barbell. But today I wore my big girl pants and decided that I had a right to be there and do my thing. (For the record, I wore my normal workout clothes. In case anyone was wondering…) Ok, so lets talk about what I did today.

First up was the one arm dumbbell snatch. When I did stage 3 (which is the same as stage 5 but with different sets and reps), I hated this exercise. I realised I was going it wrong. You really do have to jump to get that weight up in the air and I was too embarrassed (or something) to do it properly during stage 3. But NROLFW has given me confidence that I didn’t have before. I’m not saying it’s responsible for all the confidence that I have but it has contributed. Um, ok so we are talking about what now? Oh yes, the snatch. With 5A2, I did 5 sets: 14kg/16kg/16kg/18kg/18kg. For 5A3 I did: 14kg/16kg/18kg/18kg/20kg. Oooh that 20kg dumbbell tried to get the better of me but I showed it who was boss! Man it felt so good even when my top was flying up showing some jelly belly. Lol.

Nothing new to report on the dumbbell single-leg Romanian deadlift as I did exactly the same as 5A2 – 20kg x 3 sets. It was hard then and it was hard again today. With the barbell bent over row, I had done the following weights 37.5kg/42.5kg/47.5kg in 5A2 and today I did 42.5kg/47.5kg/47.5kg. So I didn’t increase weight but I did more of the heavier weight. Yay me.

The second superset started with dumbbell single-arm overhead squats. The names of these exercises are funny and long. Both workouts were identical except that I used an 8kg dumbbell as my smaller weight in the last set today instead of a 7kg. Whoop! Again, a small improvement in my incline bench press where I did all 3 sets with 14kg instead of starting with a 12kg set. My problem with this exercise is that I’m a little worried about getting the weight to shoulder lever while I’m laying on the bench. I wonder if this would be easier done with a barbell instead and I could ask (although I’m not really sure if I’m up for this) someone to spot me. Will try 16s next time and see what happens.

My most notable achievement today was that I did 3 x 2 minute planks! BOOM! That’s a lot of plankage! Is that a word? I’m not sure. Let’s say it is. I am super proud of this and I’m going to look at the variations for making them harder as I’ve no desire to go any longer than 2 minutes. Second of the superset was reverse wood chops. The cable machine was busy as usual. So I used a 5kg plate then an 8kg dumbbell. I’m not keen on these at the moment as I’d really like to do them on the cable machine. One day…

Finally it was time for the Body Weight Matrix. My old nemesis (that I secretly love). I love the challenge of trying to beat my previous times. I managed to shave off a second from my 5A2 time but then did a longer second round. I was pooped. But then 2 rounds of 24 squats/lunges/jump lunges/jump squats will do that to you. My legs were jelly walking out of that gym!

No (private) mirror available for selfie. Loool!

So, there you have it. Did I mention that I love New Rules Of Lifting? I have? Well this certainly won’t be the last time. It’s just that good…for me.

Thanks for reading x

Push Pull Squat Workshop

So on Sunday I attended a free workshop run by Strength Ambassadors. It was facilitated by Sally Moss who is the founder of Strength Ambassadors and they also run this cool (would love to attend one day) programme called Ladies Who Lift. The workshop was going to cover the basics of squat/deadlift/push up/pull up. Just up my alley.

Thankfully I saw the advert for the free workshop on Facebook and got a space when I applied. Yay! I was very excited and slightly nervous when I set off on Sunday for the gym as I wasn’t sure what to expect. What if she thinks my form’s crap? What if everyone else can already do pull ups? What if my boobs start leaking because I’ve run out of breast pads? Yes, I seriously think these thoughts.

Well, I arrived and there were 2 others there and another who walked in at the same time as me. The group didn’t get much bigger and there were just 6 of us. Perfect. This meant that Sally was able to give us some individual attention and feedback on each of the exercises that we did.

Squat…First we did body weight squats to ensure that we were getting the right form and keeping our butts aimed at the ceiling. Ha ha. Strange way to put it, but it worked. We worked in pairs and our partners stopped us when we lost the curve in our backs and therefore good form. Then we were ready to do our first set which was with the Olympic bar only. Then we were free to add as much weight as we wanted for the next 2 sets. I was squatting 40kg when Sally told me to try to get a little lower. In my head I was saying “seriously?”, but I tried and did go lower than ever before. Ah, the amazing things we can do when we have the right support and the right people nudging you forward.

Push Up…I’m quite proud of the fact that I can do 15 push ups in a set, especially since 6 months ago I was complaining to The Special One that I’ll never be able to do any. He encouraged me to do one, then two, you get the picture. Then Sally challenged us to go into push up position and try to come down as slowly as possible. The last one down was the winner. Guess what? I won! There wasn’t a physical prize but the pride of winning was the best thing. Especially since I looked like the least fit person in the room. Next drill was to lay flat on the ground and push with hands and feet to get about an inch off the ground. In other words, getting into the bottom of the push up position. Not easy! That is definitely something I’ll be practising at home each day. Finally we were encouraged to use whatever equipment was around and do a set of 10 perfect push ups. I opted for a bench and did my 10 but it was difficult. Again, I’m going to be doing more of these on my off days and get that form right.

Deadlift…My favourite of the big lifting exercises. I love deadlifts. I love adding more weight and being able to lift it. Feedback from Sally was that my form was good and…wait for it…she thinks I can definitely do more than the 60kg that is currently my personal best for reps. So now what am I going to do? Lift more, that’s what!

The picture is a bit fuzzy but that’s me deadlifting…like a BOSS! Lol.

Pull Up…This is probably the exercise that I dread the most and the one that I really want to be able to do. But, time ran out so we didn’t cover the pull up. However, Sally pointed us in the direction of her YouTube channel where there are loads of videos including ones about training for that first pull up. One I was home that Sunday and Baby Girl was settled in for the night, I watched and watched and watched until I couldn’t keep my eyes open!

My 3 takeaways:

1. I would make better progress working with a good coach. I realised this without a doubt on Sunday. Just a few words from Sally and I was squatting better and would lift more in my deadlift instead of being over cautious and worrying about what I must look like and thinking that if anyone’s watching then they probably want to see me fail (again those stupid thoughts that pop up).

2. I can squat pretty low, I just have to do it.

3. I can deadlift more weight, I just have to have a little faith in my abilities. I am strong. I am getting stronger each time I train therefore I can lift more and more and more.

What I did next

I kinda stalked Sally. Online, that is. I followed her on Twitter. Made sure that I was following the Facebook page. Googled her to see what other words of wisdom I could glean from other articles that she’d written. Then I stumbled upon this page. Oh Em Gee! For those not clicking on the link, it’s about strength standards and what she classifies as good/very good/excellent for certain exercises. Of course then I had to go and work out my strength standards. Um, I’m not even CLOSE to good 😦 but at least this gives me something to work towards. I’ve got lots of work to do!

So these are my strength standards. EEEK!

I’m so grateful for people like Sally who make workshops like these accessible to by offering them for free now and then. After my teaching course finishes and I start working, there’s definitely going to be a ‘Training with Sally‘ savings jar.

Thanks for reading x

Ps. I know that I’m linking to Sally and her business a lot in this post. I haven’t been asked to do this, I just think that she’s a great coach and has a lot to offer – I mean check out her videos and you’ll see what I mean. Hugs x

Three Things… Fitness ‘Accessories’ I’d Love To Own

The title’s pretty self explanatory but I’ve taken liberties with the word accessories as one of the three is footwear. Let’s start with that…

1. Vibram FiveFingers Alitza trainers. I have 2 pairs of Vibrams already and I love them. My Vibram Jaya’s I wear out and about and my Seeya’s are my gym trainers. I need a 3rd pair because my M
Jaya’s are literally falling apart at the seams. The Alitzas are so cute and I’m sure they’ll be great for the gym and for day to day wear.

2. Polar Loop Activity Tracker. I’ve been wanting an activity tracker for a while now. If you’ve read some of my previous fitness posts, you’ll know that I love numbers and tracking my progress. I have to wait until my course finishes at the beginning of June before getting one as it’ll be to distracting. I can just see myself doing some form of exercise when I should be doing lesson plans or working on my assignments.

3. Atlas Activity Tracker. Why 2 activity trackers? Well this one won’t be released until 2015 for general purchase and I really want an activity tracker! The Atlas is amazing. Check out this video.

Awesome, right? It’s available for pre-order now at $179 and once launched it’ll be $225. Definitely on my wishlist!

The Special One calls the Polar Loop an inactivity tracker vs. the Atlas which seems to be a true activity tracker. Read what he thinks about these here.

So there you have it. I may have to do a post about some gym clothes that are on my wishlist. ☺

Thanks for reading x

The Polar Loop on Amazon UK:

New Rules Rocks!

I did stage 5 workout B2 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women today. I love this program. I feel so much stronger than I did when I started and I know that I’ve got more in me. Except when it comes to these blasted Romanian deadlift/bent over rows! I did 4 sets of 4 starting with 42.5kg and 3 sets of 47.5kg. With the last set, I could feel myself losing good form, so i  didn’t push further. I’m slightly annoyed that I’m not lifting heavier on this exercise but understand that it’s a process, blah…blah.

I don’t really have any new PRs to rave about but that’s ok. I know that I’m stronger and better yet, I’m getting even stronger than I am now.

I finished the workout with running intervals and I only ran 1.2 miles. But then it’s only a 15 minute session so how far could I go? I huffed and I puffed and I was red faced…and it was worth it! I’m going to challenge myself to improve my distance by the time I’ve finished NROLFW 5B4 next week. I huffed and I puffed and I was red faced…and it was worth it!

I also forgot my phone so I have no selfies photo evidence for you. Bummer, right. 😛

Thanks for reading x

A Fatty Fish Festival

Baby Girl wasn’t letting me do much in the kitchen this afternoon so I wasn’t able to cook dinner when I planned. I managed to rustle up a pretty decent low carb meal in just 30 minutes once The Special One got home.

I took a pack of wild salmon from the freezer, covered each fillet with some butter mixed with Thai spice, wrapped them individually in foil and let them cook in the oven for about 25 minutes. I haven’t been buying fresh salmon as it’s usually farmed and although they’re really cheap at the moment, what I’ve read about farmed fish puts me off buying it.

While the salmon cooked in the oven, I made a basic but tasty salad. Spinach, red pepper, tomatoes, avo and cucumber dressed with balsamic vinegar, lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil. Simples.

To give the meal some extra vhoom, I finished it with some peppered mackerel from last night’s dinner.

Yumolicious!

Such an easy peasy meal packed with so much goodness. LCHF, high in omega-3 fatty acids and tasty. Ticks all the boxes don’t you think?

Thanks for reading x

Killing It In The Gym

Yesterday was very different from my last workout. Yesterday was a great workout. I couldn’t decide if I should run errands first or go and train first but when a friend said she’s going to the gym, I decided to train first.

I was doing stage 5 workout A2 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women. The end is so close but there’s still so much to do! First let me tell you about the workout…
One arm dumbbell snatch *clears throat* – new PR of 18kg :mrgreen:💪
Barbell bent-over row – new PR of 47.5kg
Dumbbell incline bench press – new PR of 14kg (just to be clear, that’s 2 x14kg dumbbells)

My proudest achievement is the snatch. Now that I can do 18kg, I’m wondering what I’ll finish with on the stage of NROLFW. Clearly the sky’s the limit!

I also managed 2 x 2 minute planks which is no mean feat. To end stage 5A workouts is the lovely body weight matrix. I love and hate doing it. I shaved off 56 seconds. Yep…that’s pretty sweet too! So 5A1 my first BWM was 3m33s and yesterday my second 5A2 BWM was 2m37s. I am sooooo pleased with my progress on this stage! To top it all off, I burnt just under 100 calories more in less time! *ching ching*

Thanks for reading x

PS. If the self indulgent selfies are getting too much, please do let me know. 😳

Bad Days And Silver Linings

Ever have one of those days at the gym when you feel weak and that you’re not making any progress? That’s how I felt yesterday. It had been a pretty tiring week. Baby Girl was waking up every two hours in the middle of the night which meant I was waking up too. I can’t say exactly how many hours I was sleeping, but it wasn’t much.

Ok, so the gym. I was doing stage 5 workout B1 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women. I went yesterday morning before breakfast so that it was done and dusted. I felt good that morning and was ready to take on the iron! First exercise was Romanian deadlifts with bent over row. When I finished stage 3 of NROLFW (it’s the same exercises as stage 5), my final set was 52.5kg. This time I started with 40kg to warm up but then only managed to get up to 50kg. Finished feeling very disappointed.

Moving on…I didn’t get much range of motion on my single leg squats and only used 12kg kettle bells. Lat pulldowns were also disappointing with me barely managing 52kg and I only had to do 4 reps per set 😦 I love back extensions and added more weight than before – 15kg, so I guess that was good. The final weights exercise was YTWL and although I started with 5kg, I finished with 4kg. See, bad day! To top it off, I pulled a muscle in my neck so that’s sore too. 😤

So where the silver lining? Well after the abs exercises, come intervals. I was planning to do them the next day (today) because the workout is just sooooo long otherwise. But I decided, screw it, this workout is bad enough, let me just do it all. So I ran. I found that the normal ‘rest’ setting was too easy so I increased it. Then the first interval was really easy so I increased that too and had to increase it again the second time. There were only 3 intervals as it’s the first one of the stage. But when it was time to walk at the end, I didn’t, I kept running. It felt great. All this weight training is making running easier. BOOM! There’s that silver lining! 💪💪:mrgreen::mrgreen:

Thanks for reading x

Hippy Hippy Shakes

After my failed attempts at getting the Real Meal Revolution chocolate fat shakes down (read about that here and here), I found a RMR shake that I loved (read about that here). This is the reason why I have these ‘shake’ songs in my head. I’m going to try to find a way to work lyrics from ‘Twist And Shout ‘ into this post.

I’ve been shaking up a storm these past few days. In fact,  everyday for the past week. I’ve been working on variations of the Real Meal Revolution Avocado And Raspberry shake. Mainly using strawberries as other berries are so expensive. I’m really enjoying these shakes for breakfast. The cool thing about making them is that eggs can now be for lunch. I don’t have to rack my brain thinking of a low carb high fat lunch option.

Today though, I decided to attempt the RMR Chocolate Fat Shake again but without the butter. I made my coconut cream, measured out everything, added nut butter instead of normal butter. No dice. The buttery texture was gone – big plus but I found the coconut flavour too overpowering. The shake ended up going down the drain and I had bacon and eggs for breakfast instead.

Best stick to my yoghurt and berry shake instead. I need to get some berries from the shop so I can ‘shake it up baby’! (yes! )

Thanks for reading x

Hurts So Good

I am sooooo sore! On Monday (it’s Wednesday today) I did stage 5 day 1 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women. It was amazing! I felt so strong but phew was it hard work! It took longer than I thought, almost 2 hours passed before I walked out of the gym.

I love my NROLFW training sessions at the gym. I still get a bit self conscious, especially when the gym is full or when this one particular women is in the gym. She seems very confident and always works out in the free weights area. Hardly ever making eye contact, cap on, earphones in… just doing her thing. She laughed once, it was a free weeks ago, and I immediately thought I was the reason. Ah well…enough about my insecurities. Back to the workout.

When I arrived at the gym, I sat in my car a bit and watched some videos of correct form for one-arm dumbbell snatches on YouTube. You can only watch so much before it’s time to go and DO IT! When I did stage 3 (which have the same exercises as stage 5), I was disappointed with my snatch (he he) because pain in my right shoulder meant that I couldn’t increase weight like I wanted to. Well this is no longer a problem! ☺ I did 5 sets of 4 reps…starting with 10kg to warm up, then 2x14kg, then 2x16kg. I will probably go heavier next time…bosslike! 💪💪

My new PRs are:
One-leg Romanian deadlifts – 20kg
Overhead dumbbell squat – 20kg
Incline dumbbell bench press – 12kg (another one I couldn’t progress before because of my shoulder)
Yay me, right? ☺💪

Oh and the end of stage 5’s A workouts is the body weight matrix. I have a love/hate relationship with this. You time yourself doing 24 squats, 12 lunges (each side), 12 jump lunges (each side), 24 jump squats. Then you rest and do it again. Whooo hoooo! Walking out of the gym after that took some time!

I love it…really!

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Avocado And Raspberry Shake

After 2 days of enduring nausea after having shakes for breakfast (you can read about that here and here), I was determined not to let this get the better of me. I will find a shake that is low carb high fat and also agrees with me. I consulted my LCHF (aka banting) bible, The Real Meal Revolution, and found the Avocado and Raspberry shake recipe. I had all the ingredients so fingers were crossed and I proceeded to make it.

Avocado in a shake is not new to me. The Special One and I have been adding avo to our shakes for years now. They weren’t always low carb though. Anywhooo…lets get to that shake.

• 1/2 ripe avocado – pipped and peeled
• 100g frozen raspberries
• 100g extra thick greek yoghurt
• squeeze of lemon juice
• 1/2 cup ice blocks

1. Combine all the ingredients in a food processor or smoothie maker and blitz.

I had high hopes for this smoothie especially after my disappointment with the Chocolate Fat Shake. On first tasting it, the tartness of the raspberries were coming through very strongly. I added 2 teaspoons of xylitol syrup and the other half of the avocado. Taste test number 2 – still quite tart. Added a bit more xylitol. Ah! Got the edge off the tartness and I was good to go. Gave The Special One a taste but it wasn’t sweet enough for him. More for me!!

Avocado and Raspberry Shake – Yum!

It’s dinner time already and I’ve had no nausea or any other side effects (lol) from this shake. Yay! Only problem is that I’ve not got any raspberries left either 😦 Maybe I’ll try it with strawberries instead. I’ll let you know. Hmmm…maybe it’s time to do RMR hotcakes/pancakes again? 😉

Thanks for reading x

Nausea And The Chocolate Fat Shake

Yesterday I wrote that I had this low carb Chocolate Fat Shake for breakfast. Yes it was tasty with a slightly grainy, dare I say fatty, texture. What I didn’t mention in the post but mentioned later in this post, is that I felt nauseous a while later after having the shake but I wasn’t sure if the shake was what caused it.

This morning I made the LCHF shake again. I doubled everything because I was making one for The Special One as well. I couldn’t finish it today. I felt nauseous drinking it. (No, I’m not pregnant! Lol) I felt so ill. The Special One had a few sips of his and couldn’t drink any more either. The taste is great (just good according to him) but the texture I just couldn’t handle. I think it’s got something to do with the butter. I may try it without butter some time but I’m not going to be attempting it for a while. I’ll be sticking to eggs or try one of the other, more standard, shakes from The Real Meal Revolution.

I am disappointed though. I really wanted to like it. It was really good yesterday and I know that the texture was a bit weird even then but I managed to drink it any way. Today though it just wasn’t happening. I even…threw up. Gross, I know. Sorry about that. I’m just thankful that Baby Girl was super tired this morning and went back to sleep at 10h30 and I napped with her and felt much better after that.

Looking forward to my eggs and avo in the morning.

Thanks for reading x

Stronger Than Before

Today I completed stage 4 of New Rules Of Lifting For Women and I feel good! I felt a bit ill when I was driving to the gym but then decided that since I was there I should do what I could. I wasn’t sure if the nausea was due to the chocolate shake that I made for breakfast this morning. We’ll know tomorrow as I plan to make it again.

The workout started with deadlifts and I used the Olympic bar was it was available. I warmed up with 40kg (8 reps), then a set of 50kg, then another of 55kg, then…drumroll please…60kg!!! Please excuse the bold type but this is a new PR that I’m very pleased about. 💪 I wanted to run around the gym high 5ing everyone but managed to contain my enthusiasm. Barely.

I don’t have any other noteworthy PRs to talk about but today’s workout was great. Tough but good. I even had the time to do a 15 minute interval session. I used the stationery bike for these intervals. I hate the stationery bike. I think it’s the cardio equipment I hate the most. So that’s why I did it. Lol! Well, that and I read that cycling is great for building quads. I’ve got thick legs as it is so I figure why not go all we quadzilla 🚲

I may have mentioned before that I like numbers. So even though I mostly lift, I still wear a HRM because I love seeing how many calories I burnt, knowing that the reality is more. Today I only remembered to start tracking after my 3rd set of deadlifts 😤 Not cool.

Working on my selfies as you can see. He he.

Rightyo, I start stage 5 on Saturday and I’m excited. This stage is fat burning and I’m going to see great results especially with eating low carb high fat. I have some of my favourite exercises to look forward to: bench presses, Romanian deadlifts and back extensions. I also have my not so favourites: single leg squats and single arm overhead squats. Ah and then there’s my love/hate relationship with the body weight matrix. But more on that next time.

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Chocolate Fat Shake

I have a real problem with the name of this shake. Years of conditioning will do that. Fat is bad bad bad! So how on earth can I be comfortable drinking something called a chocolate fat shake? Well firstly, I believe that low carb high fat (LCHF) works. Secondly, I trusty Professor Tim Noakes. Thirdly, I see results on myself. Lastly (for the purpose of this post), LCHF keeps me fuller for longer and I really need to beat my sugar snacking addiction.

This morning I decided to try something different. Instead of eggs I decided to go for a fat-filled shake (it feels weird typing that!), courtesy of The Real Meal Revolution.

The Recipe (serves 1)
Ingredients:
150ml full cream milk
50g butter
50ml cream
200ml coconut cream
1 tbsp sugar free hot chocolate (or a good chunk of 80% couverture or some cocoa powder)
¼ tsp salt

Method:
1. For the not version, warm all the ingredients in a small saucepan, then blitz with a stick blender.
2. For the cold one, simply blitz and enjoy.

Notes: Using the above base, you can add any flavouring you like. Fresh or frozen berries, vanilla extract or even some almond or macadamia nut butter are all good flavourings. Also, feel free to add some xylitol or stevia if you want more sweetness.

I made the shake with cocoa powder add it was all I had. I had to make coconut cream so I added some of the pulp in as well that’s left behind in the cream making process. I blitzed it all then tasted it and it was yumolicious. Then I added some ice and a scoop of my raw vegan virtually sugar free vanilla protein shake. Again, yumolicious. Even The Special One liked it (I let him taste a little…but just a little 😛).

I think I know what we’ll be having for breakfast tomorrow!

Thanks for reading x

Low Carb Beef Curry

On Monday night I asked the Special One to take something out of the freezer for me to cook for dinner the following evening. He took out a pack of organic stewing beef. I’ve only just recently started eating meat again after following a pescatarian diet for the past 7 years so I’m still making my way through various recipes.

Looking at the meat reminded me of a dinner we had at my brother’s place when we were in South Africa this February. Mutton curry. Hmmmm! My sister-in-law makes an amazing mutton curry. I’m still trying to get the recipe out of her but she wants me to have the spices first and she still hasn’t posted them to me 😒

So instead, I consulted my favourite SA recipe book The Cape Malay Cookbook by Faldela Williams. This book contains all of my favourite recipes that remind me of home. I’ve never seen mutton at the supermarket or in the butchers and when I asked the butcher if he sells mutton, he said he only gets it for special orders. Boo.

Recipes from home sweet home

I’m not going to post the recipe unless someone asks and then I’ll be happy to do so. It was delish! Not quite like the one we had in SA but yummy nonetheless. When The Special One does a seated dance while eating then I know I’ve made a good meal.

I substituted radishes for the potatoes to lower the carb count. What a super veg. I didn’t even need to peel them as the colour fades while it cooks. I am definitely stocking up on radishes!

Of course I couldn’t serve it with normal rice 😱 so I cooked some cauliflower rice and added some almonds and coconut as per a recipe I found here. I usually make the plain cauli rice recipe that’s in The Real Meal Revolution but decided to spice things up a bit. The coconut flavour doesn’t come through very strong but you definitely get the almond taste and this rice worked very well with the curry.

Having some fun with the photo editor

Dinner is served. You can’t even tell that those are radishes, right?

It’s a new day and I have to rack my brain to figure out tonight’s meal.

Thanks for reading x

Link to The Cape Malay Cookbook on Amazon UK:

A Walk In The Park

Baby Girl didn’t have her afternoon nap today and when she did sleep, it was for about half an hour. So in an attempt to induce sleep and give the Special One some quiet time to do his work, I took her to the park for a walk.

There was no way I was getting to the gym today especially with her not getting her naps. So for today, the park was my gym. I’m feeling a bit sore from yesterday’s workout so all I did was walk. Wait. That sounds like I’m making an excuse. I’m not. I could have stayed home and done nothing. But you know what? I didn’t. I went to the park and I walked.

After going around the park 3 times and clocking 3km, we’d both had enough. It was cold! My weather app said it was 12 degrees but I’m certain it was much colder than that. According to Map My Walk, my pace was 14:04min/km 😱 and I burnt 300 calories 😅. Do these numbers even matter? I don’t know, but I like having measures. Something about it makes me feel good.

Baby Girl didn’t end up sleeping on the walk out for a long while after we got back. That’s OK though. We got to be outside, look at cute dogs, feel the elements on our skin, breathe fresh air and come home and appreciate the warmth. Perfect.

Baby Girl and me post walk selfie

Thanks for reading x

Monday @ The Gym

It feels like I haven’t been to the gym in ages. Today was my last A workout for stage 4 of The New Rules Of Lifting For Women training program that I’m doing. I love NROLFW! I wish I could tell all the women lifting 0.5kg weights about it. But they’ll probably resent my input so I remain silent.

The gym was busier than I expected hoped for 10:30am. Maybe there were more teachers there because school holidays have started? On seeing all those people, I immediately wanted to leave, but didn’t. Only 2 training sessions left and I couldn’t let fear and strangers hold me back.

I’ve recorded some new personal bests today. Yay me!
Front squat/push press: 27.5kg
Static lunge, rear for elevated: 16kg – 3 sets x 8 reps
Plank: 2 minutes (120 seconds sounds better though)

Finishing Stage 4A of new rules today felt good. I can’t wait for Wednesday to finish finish (you know what I mean). Hopefully I’ll get to start Stage 5 on the weekend. I’ve done it before (it’s the same as Stage 2) so I know which exercises I like and those I’m dreading.

I’d love to start getting some more definition…a visual confirmation that what I’m doing is working. Looking better in my clothes does feel good though 😉

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Carb Free Bread

Today I decided to make the carb free bread that’s in The Real Meal Revolution. This is the third time that I’ve made the bread and I’m still not getting a nicely risen loaf like the one in the book. Rise aside though, it still tastes good and it’s great to be able to eat bread and not be concerned about carbs.

The recipe:
2 cups milled flax seed (buy the seeds whole and grind them in a coffee grinder as milled flax seed will go rancid very fast)
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
5 egg whites
2 whole eggs
5 tbsp coconut oil or olive oil
1/2 cup water
3g stevia

1. Preheat the oven to 180ºC
2. In a food processor, mix the dry ingredients together
3. Add the wet ingredients and whisk them together until a batter is formed. Pour the mixture into a greased bread tin and bake until it is cooked through the middle. You can use a skewer to test this but it usually takes about 30 minutes
4. Tip it out onto a cooling rack and use as needed. It will slice much better once it has cooled but it doesn’t keep for very long. You could slice and store it in the freezer if you like.

There are some hints and tips on The RMR website suggesting improvements to ensure a well risen loaf but they haven’t helped me 😥 I’ll keep trying though.

Watch out for the stevia though…it is SWEET! I used 1/2 of a 1/4 teaspoon (so an 8th of a teaspoon).

Hmmm…I wonder what I’ll be making tomorrow.

Thanks for reading x

Going Back To School

I’m pleased to write that I’ve been accepted to 2 different schools to complete my CELTA (the Cambridge Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults) course. Now at least I get to choose to which school I’m going to give my money.

I’m slightly nervous and very excited about it. It’s going to be 4 weeks of intense work and then I’m hoping to start working soon after.

Now I need to brush up on my grammar before it starts. Wish me luck!

Thanks for reading x

Family Fitness Fun In The Sun

Last weekend we saw a taste (I hope) of summer sun. It was wonderful. To celebrate this glorious sunshine, we headed to the park for a walk. It’s really close by so excuses for staying indoors and not going there on a sun filled day have to be very good!

They’ve put up some fitness points around the park as well. There are parallel bars, pull up bars, a crunch type area, bunny hop bars (I’m not even sure if that’s the correct terminology but I’m going with it). The Special One and I decided to try out some of the fitness equipment. It was fun. I definitely think I’ll be making use of the opportunity to get in a mini workout and some sun when the weather is good.

Here’s a collection of photos of The Special One enjoying the park (maybe I’ll have some pics of myself for next time).

Isn’t he cute? ☺

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Coconut Crumbed Fish & Banting Mayo

On a recent trip to the fishmonger I was sure to get some fish in anticipation of trying the coconut fish recipe. The fishmonger recommended haddock and since I trust him, that’s exactly what I bought.

I am slowly working my way through the recipes in The Real Meal Revolution book and have been wanting to try this one for ages.

This is such a simple meal. The coconut crumbed fish recipe calls for the following:
600g white fish cleaned & boneless
2 eggs beaten
2 cups of desiccated coconut
80g coconut oil/butter for frying
salt and pepper
1 lemon cut into wedges
Method
1. Cut the fish into strips.
2. Place the beaten egg in one dish and the coconut in another. Dip each strip of fish one at a time into the egg and then the coconut. Place the crumbed pieces in a clean plate.
3. Melt the coconut oil/butter in a frying pan and pan-fry each piece of fish until golden brown. (I used coconut oil)
4. Drain on paper towel and serve hot with lemon wedges and curry mayo.

I didn’t serve with lemon wedges nor did I make the curry mayo. Instead I made the Banting mayo (the base for the curry mayo).

Next up was the Banting mayo. This was soooo quick to make. The Special One doesn’t eat mayo as it makes him break out so I’m hoping that this homemade mayo will be good to his skin.
Ingredients
1 whole egg
2 egg yolks
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
juice of 1 lemon
½ cup coconut oil
½ cup olive oil
1 tbsp Greek yoghurt
salt and pepper
(Makes 400 ml)

1. Combine the eggs, mustard and lemon juice in a food processor.
2. Melt the coconut oil in a small pot until it turns to liquid. Avoid heating it too much or it will cause the eggs to curdle. (I didn’t melt my coconut oil…I used my Vitamix so it wasn’t necessary)
3. Turn the food processor to a fast speed and slowly pour the coconut oil and olive oil into the egg mixture.
4. Once the mayo has emulsified add the yoghurt and season to taste. This should keep for about a week in the fridge.

This was a lovely dinner. The fish tasted a bit strange at first in that the coconut is sweet so the coconut and fish flavours seemed an odd combination. We’ve often had fish cooked in coconut milk but with desiccated coconut it’s quite different. The mayo was yummy. We ended up just grabbing and dipping. Not bothering with separate plates or cutlery. Yumolicious!

Thanks for reading x

My super awesome Vitamix blender on Amazon (UK)

Three Things… I’m Glad I’ve Done With Baby Girl

There are a multitude of things that I could write about with a title like that but if I had to narrow it down, it would be these:

1. Breastfeeding
This was so tough to start with. I cried a lot in the early days after her birth. She was losing weight and wasn’t getting enough milk according to the midwife. I was being told to supplement by expressing my milk and giving it to her after she breastfed. It didn’t make sense but we tried it anyway and Baby Girl still wasn’t picking up weight fast enough.

Then the suggestion was made that if she doesn’t start getting bigger soon then we’d have to start her on formula. I was determined that she breastfeed, after all, breast is best. I contacted the La Leche League and a breastfeeding support lady came to see me. She helped me with best positions and showed me what I could try. She was with us for hours and never looked at the time. She volunteered her time to help us without asking for anything in return.

After that it got much easier. So much so that I can now breastfeed hands free. Lol And at 1 year old, I have no idea when Baby Girl is going to stop breastfeeding. Why would we? It’s so convenient, cheap and I think that it fosters a closeness that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. I still think we’d be close but this is different. Of course I have no measure of comparison just going on what I feel.

No judgement is geared towards those who don’t/didn’t/don’t plan to breastfeed. These words reflect my experience.

2. Slinging Baby Girl (aka babywearing)
We bought a sling before she was born and I used it a few times. The Special One used it more and it allowed him to work on his laptop and carry her simultaneously. Bonus!

Then I went to a sling library and I wished I’d gone sooner. That’s where I discovered what Baby Girl and I both liked. After a few wells of renting and using a Connecta Integra, we purchased one. I carried her everywhere! This was one of the motivations to get stronger, she was getting heavier and I wanted to keep carrying her. She’s 1 now and I still use it.

Another sling we added to the collection was a ring sling. This handy little number is what Daddy uses when he walks with her. She falls asleep within minutes. Its also handy when I need to run downstairs to check the post or collect a parcel. It’s super easy to get her in there and for the most part keeps me hands free.

3. Co-sleeping
This wasn’t exactly planned. Her cot was right up against our bed. The first night she slept in there we hardly didn’t sleep because we were worried about her breathing. So for weeks after that she slept on one of us. It was lovely. Then we eventually moved her into the cot (face down [shock horror 😱]) and she crawled over onto the bed. Less than a month old and she knew she wanted to be near Mommy and Daddy.

This hasn’t stopped. Our little 1 year old still makes her way over, in her sleep, to either mommy or daddy, throws an arm over one of us, and sleeps soundly. Once she’s asleep she’ll go into her cot but almost every time she will wake up in our bed.

Some co-sleeping naysayers may criticise us for this but I don’t care. I love that when she needs us in the middle of the night, we don’t need to leave the bed or even sit up in most cases. I love that she wants to be close to us.

Life is good.

Thanks for reading x

Fishy Friday

I thought I’d share what we had for dinner this evening. Oven baked mackerel with a side salad. It was delicious ☺

Plain and simple. Two fillets of mackerel each seasoned with some fish spice, dill, lemon juice and balsamic vinegar. Delish!

We’ve been indulging a bit over this last week since Baby Girl’s birthday last week so this dinner was a great back to basics meal. Not quite LCHF but at least it wasn’t high carb/sugar.

Now to decide what to make for tomorrow’s dinner 😕

Thanks for reading x

Homemade Coconut Flour

One of my all time favourite recipes so far in The Real Meal Revolution as I’ve already raved about here, are the blueberry hotcakes. Last time I made it, I had no coconut flour and neither did the supermarket. I was therefore left with only one choice – scour Google for a recipe and make it myself. After reviewing a few recipes, I settled on this one.

So I used the same measurements:

• 2 cups of coconut flakes
• 4 cups of water

I don’t have a nut bag so I used a small sieve with really tiny tiny holes. I used the boiling water method as I needed to get it in the oven to dry in time for breakfast the next morning.

The method:

1. Boiled a kettle of water and poured 4 cups worth into the Vitamix and added 2 cups of coconut flakes.
2. Blended it for less than a minute (it’s a Vitamix after all ;-))
3. Poured this mixture through the sieve into the jug below.
4. Whipped out a spoon and pushed and pushed and pushed into the sieve to get rid of as much liquid as possible.
5. Use greaseproof paper to line a baking tray and pour coconut pulp onto the tray. Get rid of any lumps with a fork.
6. Bake at 170C for about 45 minutes. At this point I turned off the oven and went to sleep.
7. The next morning I had slightly toasted (almost like desiccated) coconut which I whizzed in the Vitamix and had beautiful flour 🙂

And not much later we had yummy blueberry (low carb high fat friendly) pancakes. Yumolicious!

I plan to buy coconut flour in the future for when we decide to make the occasional LCHF friendly treats. Knowing how to make coconut flour is definitely handy in emergencies.

Thanks for reading x

DOMS sweet DOMS

It’s been 2 days since I’ve been to the gym. If you read this post then you’ll know that I’m at Stage 4 of the 7 stage New Rules Of Lifting For Women (NROLFW) program and that I added a few new PRs at my last workout. Go ME!! 😀

I usually only get DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) when I start a new stage because then I’m using my muscles differently for different exercises. So I was not prepared for yesterday morning when I woke up and everything hurt! At first I thought it was a result of the flu that seems to be prevalent in our household. But my glutes have never hurt when I have the flu. Nor have my forearms, biceps, triceps, lats, quads. Man, I swear it hurts so gooooood!!

It will probably be a few days before I can get back into the gym 😦 With all the coughing, sneezing and nose-blowing, I don’t think anyone will appreciate me being there. In the meantime I will just have to get reacquainted with my foam roller and roll my aches away. Joy!

Source is here

Thanks for reading x

Ps. This is the foam roller I use from Amazon (UK)

Time For A Career Change?

When I went on maternity leave I was pretty sure that I wasn’t going to return to that job. I had put in 10 years and this was the perfect opportunity to make a change and go somewhere else. When it was time to actually make the decision and inform them, there was no doubt that this was the right thing to do.

I used to bring work home (a lot), take my laptop everywhere (including holidays) and generally be available on my mobile 24/7. I didn’t want this anymore. I want home time to be just that, time spent with my family (lol… my homies – I couldn’t resist).

Then I started looking at part time jobs in the same field. I want to make a financial contribution to our family so that we can realise some of our goals and dreams sooner (and to buy Chanel for myself). But the more I applied for jobs the more despondent I became. This isn’t what I really want to do. When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. This is still a dream of mine and so now at age 38, with the support of The Special One, I am going to make that dream a reality.

We’re still working out how to make it happen but I’m excited that we talk about ‘when’ and not ‘if’ or ‘can I?’

It feels so good to pursue a dream and not compromise.

Thanks for reading x

Props At The Gym

I enjoy going to the gym. I don’t go as often as I’d like and I really need to put together a workout program that I can do at home for days when I don’t make it there. But today I made it ☺ I dressed in my gym gear, dropped Baby Girl at the childminder’s and went straight there. I was feeling a bit rough with a sore throat and runny nose but I thought I’d go there and do what I can while I have the opportunity. I’m so glad I went.

I feel like I’m making real progress. Tomorrow I’m going back as I need to get some cardio in. I know there are women who don’t do cardio because they lift but I think I will benefit from doing some. And I have to do what works for me. Anyway, back to today. I’m on stage 4 of my New Rules Of Lifting For Women program. Today was workout B3 and I’m proud to announce a few new personal records.
💪 Deadlifts 57.5kg
💪 Bulgarian split squats 20kg plate
💪 Underhand grip lat pulldown 52kg

Boy does it feel good writing down those numbers. I remember when I did workout B2 and I came home and told The Special One that the deadlifts felt hard. Today they were pretty easy. I felt my grip give a little but I’m going to work on that a bit tomorrow and do some farmers walks at the gym.

One of the trainers came over to me and asked where my friend is who normally trains with me. I explained that she wants to do something else and prefers a less regimented routine than NROLFW. He said he’s seen that I’m quite strict and always have my papers (logs) with me and then asked to see the program. “Oh yeah, this is a proper strength program” he says, followed by ” well done for sticking with it” ☺☺☺ I didn’t feel patronised in any way. He showed a genuine interest and gave me props for the work I put in. And why not? Part of his job (I’m pretty certain) is to motivate customers and today he did a great job of that.

So right now I feel strong, motivated and ready for more! I’ve got Katy Perry lyrics playing in my head…

🎶🎶 I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar 🎶🎶

Thanks for reading x

Reflections After A Year With Baby

We have just celebrated Baby Girl’s 1st birthday 🙂 What an amazing roller coaster ride this year had been and what a steep learning curve as well! I thought I’d record some of what I’ve learnt over this year. These are in no particular order and some may not even be the main lessons but are just those that come to mind as I sit her and write.

1. Expect the unexpected
This goes as far back as her birth where it was only her daddy and I there to welcome her into the world. Perfect? Yes. Planned? No. Do it over again? Absolutely!

I had planned to be a total hippie earth mommy. After that first poo I reached for the disposable nappies and didn’t look back. I had planned to do baby yoga, baby massage, the works. We have been to 2 baby related classes in her first year.

I don’t beat myself up about the mother I planned to be but am not. I do my best and do the best by our baby.

2. Breastfeeding is hard
This is probably the hardest thing I’ve done. Ever! Those first few weeks I cried. I cried a lot and wondered why no one told me that breastfeeding was hard. All the fuss and preparation for labour and birth but no one mentions breastfeeding. Then I asked for help and a wonderful La Leche League support lady came to set me and it got easier from there. At 1 year old, Baby Girl is still breastfeeding like a trooper and I’m quite proud to be able to multitask while she’s feeding. Lol!

The Special One was a huge support to me through this. Helping to keep me calm when the going got tough. Supporting, never forcing ideas – just always lifting me up.

3. Single mothers are amazing
The Special One was home with us for the first 3 months after baby girl was born. I don’t know how I would have managed without him. I suppose I would have managed but it would have been so hard. So I realise how hard or must be for those who have no one around to help them.

Actually it’s not just single mothers who are amazing. All mothers are amazing. I am referring here to those who get no support from those around them and still pull through. You rock.

4. The perfect mother doesn’t exist
I was going to be the perfect mother but then I realised that I was not doing anyone any favours trying to achieve this. Instead I do the best I can for her and her daddy and that will be enough.

5. One size doesn’t fit all
At Baby Girl’s birthday celebration one of the boy’s fell and knocked his head. There were mixed reactions from other mother’s of what needed to be done. Get ice. No ice. Cold flannel. No flannel. Confusing, right? Who’s right or wrong in this situation? I’m still not sure. I understand the reasons for each one’s suggestions but geez people… it’s hectic trying to wade through the immense amount of information out there on everything related to children. In the face of all the conflicting information out there it’s difficult to avoid feeling like a bad mother sometimes when you chose one way over another.

6. Cute clothes are sometimes best left on display
I bought Baby Girl a Little Miss Sunshine sleepsuit when she was smaller. It was super cute but what an effort to get it on her. There were only poppers on the legs so she had to get it on like a T-shirt if that makes sense. Way to much effort for dressing a little baby. From what I’ve heard, many babies don’t like getting clothes put over their heads so why do so many shops sell T-shirts with no poppers or buttons on the neck to make it easier to get on? I don’t get it.

Baby Girl received lots of clothing as gifts. She didn’t wear a lot of it. I feel babies should dress like babies. She lived in sleepsuits most of the time. The jeans, cropped jackets, cord trousers were all very cute but not practical at all.

7. Everything changes
That’s sounds so dramatic but in our case it’s true. From sleeping patterns to socialising to routines to sex life. It all changes. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not complaining but am acknowledging that everything changes.

8. I see my mother in myself
I always knew that I had qualities that I recognised in my mother. Since becoming a mother myself I see even more. I also realised that there are some irrational behaviours that I may have inherited from her and I need to figure out how to not pass that on to Baby Girl.

9. Mothers need to support each other
Before I had a baby I must admit that I was guilty of being a bit judgemental towards other mothers for one or another reason. Maybe their child was crying a lot and they weren’t doing a great job (or so I thought) of quieting them. Maybe their baby has a crusty face full of dried snot and I wondered why they weren’t cleaning them up. Now that I am sometimes that mother, I know how wrong it was to judge them. I don’t know their story or anyone’s story for that matter so who am I to judge anyone. Mothers (and daddies) need to rally together and put aside judgement and support one another because it’s a bloody tough job raising another human.

I best wrap this up now.

10. Babies don’t need many toys
We didn’t buy any toys when Baby Girl was born. She received a few from a cousin and that was it. She hardly plays with anything for longer than 5 minutes anyway. Her favourite things to do are unpack the kitchen cupboards, fiddle with remote controls or pull on the blind at the patio door.

Anything and everything can be a ‘toy’ for a baby. An empty juice bottle filled with dry beans makes a great noisy toy. Going into a toy shop is great and I love the idea of some of the toys I see there but it would really be a waste of money if I expect her to get hours of enjoyment out of it immediately after purchasing it. So I don’t buy it. Is she deprived of toys? No. People will always but toys unless you tell them not to and I’m not going to do that.

I realise this post is a bit all over the place. Apologies. I’ve written it in between dropping her off at the childminder for an hour and then finishing it while she sleeps.

Thanks for reading x

Colour Me Orange

I have been wanting to colour my hair for a while now. I feel it’s been looking a bit dull. The colour lightened a bit while we were on holiday in South Africa but still I need more oomph (of course you know exactly what I mean).

So I decided to henna my hair. For the past 4 years this has been the only way I’ve coloured my hair. When I found British Curlies, I started following the Curly Girl method and then also decided to use natural products for colouring my hair. Henna wasn’t new to me as it is quite commonly used in South Africa.

So 3 days ago I took out my pack of henna (bought at Sheabutter Cottage) that I’ve had for a while and decided this was the day. Made a cup of green tea using 2 bags, let it cool, mixed it with the henna and put it in the oven for the colour to develop or whatever it does.

Then I forgot to put it on. I remembered the next day but I had things to do and couldn’t fit in four hours of being able to stay home. So that brings me to yesterday afternoon. Baby Girl went to sleep and the were 5 hours before I needed to go to the dentist. It was now or never! (ok it wasn’t really but after 3 days that’s how it felt!)

The henna went on. The bathroom was a bit of a mess. I cling filmed my head then wrapped it up in a cut off t-shirt that I use as a hair towel. If you ever go to the British Curlies forum then you’ll understand about the T-shirt.

It looks much better now 🙂

All wrapped up

4 hours later it was time to rinse. 20 minutes later I was still rinsing. Whooo weeee! Was I orange!! My scalp was quite coloured as well in front bit I wasn’t too worried about that because I know that the colour will develop and look great.

Time to go so I put on loads of conditioner and then wrapped my head up in a scarf – didn’t want to stain the dentist’s chair.

An hour later I was back. Filling replaced. I really don’t mind going to the dentist. But…I digress…

Next it was time for some photos before doing a deep conditioning treatment for the night.

Orange, right?

For the deep conditioning treatment I used coconut oil, shea butter, honey and some conditioner. I applied it to dampened hair, covered it with a shower cap and then a T-shirt towel. Then I was off to sweet slumber.

The hair angels sang this morning as I showered. My hair felt strong and conditioned – just great. I can’t wait for the colour to settle – I’ll keep you updated.

Do you ever use henna? What do you think of it?

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures: Blueberry and Cream Cheese Hotcakes

Oh my these are little cakes of deliciousness! And you’ll feel like you’re cheating because these are sweet and oh so yummy.

But let’s go back a little earlier…A week ago, on Saturday, I decided that we should make pancakes – LCHF of course – a weekly occurrence. I scoured the internet for recipes, found one that used almond flour (which I had in stock) and proceeded to make them. The Special One came into the kitchen just as I had finished mixing the batter and tasted it. Not sweet enough. So he added some xylitol… just a bit, and then have me the go ahead to proceed. I was happy to be having pancakes but not to impressed with them.

That night, determined to make pancakes that looked and tasted good, I turned to The Real Meal Revolution for inspiration. And I found it! I found a recipe for Blueberry and Cream Cheese Hotcakes. The recipe calls for ricotta cheese and coconut flour – both of which I didn’t have. A quick trip to Sainsbury’s and I was back with ricotta cheese but no coconut flour. Instead I bought coconut flakes. Yeah baby, I was going to make my own flour. I’ll post about that soon and link to it.

Sunday morning we were good to go. I didn’t buy milk (which the recipe needed) but I had freshly made coconut milk 😉 After some mixing and beating and frying, we treated ourselves to very tasty pancakes (hotcakes).

I didn’t follow the recipe to the T. The Special One is  experimenting with cheese after not eating it for years due to it affecting his skin. Where the recipe needed 1 and a third cups of ricotta, I used 2/3 ricotta and the rest double cream. I didn’t cover each pancake with the cream cheese either. I omitted the cream cheese completely.

We ate them with some of the remaining double cream. Too too yummy! Definitely not an everyday meal. Next time I must halve the mixture as well. It serves 4 so we were VERY indulgent!

I must admit that this is a new tradition that I’m going to enjoy!

Thanks for reading x

The Real Meal Revolution Adventures

I received a book called The Real Meal Revolution by Prof. Tim Noakes et al for my birthday last month. It’s a low carb, high fat book covering the science bit and  it also has loads of recipes. I’m really enjoying experimenting with the various recipes, especially now that I’m a recovering pescatarian hehe. There’s also a Real Meal Revolution website where you can get additional support.

Low carb high fat (LCHF) really works for me. I find that it supports my fitness goals as I don’t feel fatigued from the lifting sessions and I’m losing weight steadily so it’s also supporting my weight loss goals (although this goal isn’t actually a number).

The meals I’ve tried are super duper yummy. So what I’ll do is post separately about each meal I make and hopefully I’ll remember to take photos before we devour it! And this is the reason I’m staying with the blueberry hot cakes as my first in this series as I’ve made at least four other recipes from the book before these but we never took any photos *blushing*.

I really do hope you enjoy reading about these meals as much as we enjoy eating them!

Thanks for reading x

New Rules Of Lifting For Women – Stage 4 Workout A Day 3

Today I headed to the gym around lunch time – it was my first time going in the middle of the week day and it was  surprisingly busy. The Special One was working from home and Baby Girl was asleep so I thought I’d take advantage of the opportunity to get my training session in early.

The big exercise for today was the front squat/push press. I really don’t like this exercise. It looks easy when I watch it on you tube but when I do it, I feel awkward and weak. My last workout was 2 sets (8 reps/set) x 20kg and 1 set of 25kg with no warmup. (No scolding please!) So I’m pretty pleased that today I pulled off a warmup set of 5 reps x 20kg followed by 3 sets (8 reps) of 25kg. That last set was more like 6 plus 2…lol! I think I looked like a contender for Barney the Dinosaur auditions! I swear my face turned purple. Haha!

When I started the program I did step ups on the bench usually used for classes. Now I’m using the bench from the big boys area. Oh my do step ups hurt now. I’m short – 1.63m (5’3?) – so I’ve a lot higher to climb…(cue the violins)

I pushed myself harder on each exercise today. Ummm except for planks. I seem to wipe out at 60s these days and I’ve done sets of 90s before but this stage is killing me with planks. I’ve only got one more of these A workouts to do so I’m hoping to finish with 120s. Wish me luck.

With the dumbbell one-point row I got a new PR of 14kg. It’s sounds like such a little BUT those 14kg dumbbells are mean! Static lunge rear foot elevated, again a PR of 14kg. Yay me! Push ups I did sets of 8 as per this stage. Feels easy-ish considering there were workouts when I had to do 15. Finally there were woodchops. I increased the weight again – used a 9kg dumbbell. I used an 8kg medicine ball last time but did day 1 with 9kg but then had a long break. The cable machine is always so busy so I tend to use a medicine ball or a dumbbell for these.

And there you have it. Today’s workout. No one stopping me today to ask for advice because I look like I know what I’m doing 😉 According to my heart rate monitor I burnt 362 calories. Of course I know that this isn’t accurate but I like setting the numbers add up.

Now I just need to work on my selfies! Lol.

First attempt – miserable fail! But can you see how purple I am?

Slightly better – the lighting in the changing rooms is pretty good. I was VERY RED!

Thanks for reading x

Shaky ground parenting moment

Tomorrow I am taking our little girl to the childminder for a settling in session. It’s a scary thought. For the past year all she’s known is us. My mother has looked after her for about 2 hours but that’s it. We have not been out on our own…period. So no romantic dinners, no movies, no more going to the gym together. I do miss those things but I wouldn’t trade them for what we have now – this ever growing bundle of joy producing little human.

I’ll be there with her all the time tomorrow at the childminder. On day 2 I’ll leave for a while and day 3 I’ll leave here there for even longer. I know that this is necessary because I intend to start working (once I get a job) and so she’ll need to be looked after. But I still have mixed feelings about it. Part of me knows that this is the way it goes. Babies get bigger and need to spend time with other children and parents need some time on their own or need to go to work, etc.

On the one hand it feels like if she goes to the childminder and enjoys it there that’s confirmation that she doesn’t need me. I know it’s strange and irrational but hey, I never promised to be rational. On the other hand, I want her to enjoy herself and be comfortable there because it means that I can easily go to interviews or any other appointments. Perhaps I’ll get in a middle of the day gym session 😉 and eventually when I start work then she’ll be settled in already.

This is what it’s going to be like I guess. As she gets older there’ll be all these bittersweet moments. For starters, I’m sure I’ll miss the closeness of her cuddles while she’s nursing but I look forward to owning my boobs again.

The best I can do is be present and enjoy every moment.

Thanks for reading x

Working Out… like a boss!

I was at the gym a couple of days ago merrily doing my New Rules of Lifting workout. I’m back into it again after having a break while we were on holiday in South Africa. I just finished Stage 4, Workout B, Day 2 today. Ha Ha! I just realised that unless you know the New Rules of Lifting For Women, you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about. Apologies.

In a nutshell, it’s a 7 stage workout designed for women that is based on weightlifting. Simples. It’s hard work but very satisfying. I love it. It’s the most enjoyable thing to do in the gym… for me. Don’t get me wrong, I grimace, I sweat, I feel the burn – every time. The feeling I have when I leave the gym, how can I describe it? I feel strong, I feel like an Amazon! Ok, now that you know what NROLFW is, I can continue telling my story.

So…I just finished the lifting part of the workout and was about to start some core work on the mats when this young lady on the mat next to me took out her earphones, smiled nervously at me and the following words left her mouth…”excuse me, you look like you know what you’re doing so I wanted to ask your advice…” I’m not sure if the dialogue in my head was reflected in my face (I think my years in HR meant I had my poker face on). My inner voice was saying “Me? You really want to ask me? I don’t exactly look like the type of person who people would ask for advice in the gym.”

THIS is what I look like in the gym…

But then my good cop inner voice speaks up and says “You’ve put in the work and the research. You DO know what you’re doing!” So when she asked me what she should do to tone her stomach I told her that I do full body training and not spot training and that abs are made ‘in the kitchen’. I also told her the core exercises that are part of my routine. When she asked about nutritional advice, I told her that I follow a low carb high fat eating plan and directed her to some resources so she could research it for herself. I didn’t preach. I merely shared the knowledge that I had and encouraged her to do her own research and speak to those who have trained in this field (like the trainers at the gym).

I think I learned the biggest lesson that evening. I think people see me at the gym and snicker to themselves “what does she think she’s doing?” and various other comments. The reality is different though and I learnt that thanks to this young lady. Most people do their thing, see someone else training and then carry on about their business. The fears that we have are self imposed. The ‘what must they be thinking’ scenarios are usually figments of our imagination. We carry these voices with us so often wherever we go. I know I definitely do. Still working on how to stop them. Think I’ll be practising my ‘You got this’ affirmations in the mirror every day ☺

Thanks for reading x

Post holiday weight loss

I love going home (South Africa) for holidays. Family, friends, sun, mountains…it’s the perfect holiday recipe. Our recent trip saw me adding 5kg in just 3 weeks. Crazy, right? It’s a combination (I think) of a slow metabolism and insulin resistance AND ALL THAT YUMMY FOOD.

We ate out a lot. That needn’t be an excuse but what we ate matters. Most meals out were accompanied by a double thick chocolate milkshake. That’ll do it!

So I’m writing this post 4 days after getting back and I’ve lost 2kg so far. I’m following a similar eating plan to before we went on holiday, which was a keto diet. This time I am following the plan of Dr Tim Noakes as laid out in his book The Real Meal Revolution. High fat, medium protein, low carb. This works for me.

Up until a few months ago, I was pescatarian. Having not eaten meat in 6 years, when my daughter started having solids, I decided that I’d like her to eat meat and leave decisions about vegetarianism, etc to her when she’s older. Eating meat makes it a lot easier to eat high fat, low carb or Banting as it’s referred to in The Real Meal Revolution.

So what was I eating in South Africa that I’m not eating now? Where do I begin? Here goes: biscuits, crackers, ice cream, milkshakes, crisps, bread, potatoes, chocolates, fries, burgers. Crap, basically. Oh but did it taste good. The funny thing is that now that we’re back and eating ‘normally’ (for us), I don’t miss all of that stuff.

Those who follow popular belief around nutrition and what makes us fat may be horrified to see that I cook chicken with the skin on, buy regular and not extra lean mince, snack on nuts, eat full fat cheese and Greek yogurt and eat lots of eggs and avocados.

There is so much misinformation out there. So many new findings relating to EVERYTHING that it’s hard to keep up. Even the people we rely on for advice can’t keep up with everything. I asked the doctor about supplementing with a raw, vegan protein shake since I lift weights regularly and she wanted me again it because they all contain steroids! REALLY??? Haha!

Anyway, so I have 3 more kg’s to go and then I’m back on track. What a pain though to back track like that! I will say this though…I loved the holiday and the food was great. I know I’ll lose the weight and more. I’VE GOT THIS!

Thanks for reading x

What is ‘What Is This About Anyway’ about anyway?

Excuse the title but it is a valid question. Certainly for me it is as I have started numerous blogs on various subjects. There are many blogs out there covering specific subjects and those are great and a fantastic reference point for me. This blog however, is an outlet for me and so I can’t only write about curly hair or motherhood or running or fitness or nutrition or spirituality or relationships. I have to write about everything. This is about my journey. A fantastic, multi-faceted adventure and I invite whoever stumbles upon this blog to join me.

Happy reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 29 & 30

Hello there! So I haven’t posted about the last 2 days of the challenges…yet. A couple of reasons why, but on a side note, I’d like to say that I did in fact complete the challenge. YAY!!! I got there in the end. It wasn’t easy but it was doable – and that’s the point. The fact that it was a challenge and that I was holding myself accountable to it by putting it out there in the public domain made it important, gave it priority.

Umm, ok, so the reason why I haven’t posted these last 2 days are: 1. I fell asleep meditating on day 29 and 2. I fell asleep meditating on day 30.

I’ll cover both days for each of the challenges to make things a little easier to write follow…

Meditation…on day 29 I did a guided meditation from Meditation Oasis called ‘Stillness, Stability and Balance’. I think I must have put it on a loop but I was gone by the time the first one finished. This meditation is good for focusing when things get a little busy – exactly how I’ve felt these last few days. I business of work is getting a bit overwhelming and I have to keep remembering that this is the countdown – just a few days left.

On day 30 (yesterday) I did another guided meditation called ‘Simply Being’ which is another one that’s good when things are getting busy as it allows you to to be more in the moment. I fell asleep again though. Falling asleep is a sign. I reckon it means that I’m…tired? I have a right to be right to be tired though – at 7 months pregnant I feel like I’ve earned the right to be tired…even at 9pm, especially with the alarm going off at 6:30am.

Exercise…day 29 I did a different workout I found on YouTube. This was another 3rd trimester workout and it was pretty good except that our internet connection was dodgy so it kept buffering which was pretty annoying. On day 30 my biceps were hurting so much – must have been that extra weight I added in Sunday’s Body Pump class. With that in mind, I thought that a stretch workout would be good so I did this one.

So, 30 days later, having meditated and worked out each day all I can say is I feel goooood! In the past I have found excuses to not do these 2 things and yet I’ve proven to myself that there is time. There’s always time to do the things that matter – they just have to matter enough.

In fact, The Special One sums up the lessons of the 30 day challenge more eloquently that I think I will so I’ll let you read it here (and since he’s already written it, why would I tire out my fingers repeating what he’s already put down?).

I am very proud of us and what we’ve achieved over these last 30 days. I wonder what the next challenge will be (and when it will start). I wonder what I will write about tomorrow?

Thanks for reading x

 

Challenge 1 – Day 28

It’s 21:23 as I sit in bed and write this post on my phone. It was my intention to be in bed at 21h so I think I’m not doing toooooo bad.

Today was a good day…that seems to be the theme of these posts 😀 This morning I woke up and got ready to go to pregnancy yoga. It was a very active season with a lot of focus on breathing through contractions or surges as they’re known in Hypnobirthing speak. Having never given birth before, this practice does make me think believe that this is going to be manageable and definitely joyous. After pregnancy yoga I went to the gym for Body Pump. Grace wasn’t taking the class today which was disappointing. I wanted to say goodbye since this was my last class as we’re moving on Friday. I’ll still try and get in touch with her…social media to the rescue! With the morning taken over by exercise, it was time to cook Sunday lunch. We are trying to get through all the food in the freezer (it’s only a small freezer) before we move. A fully loaded (healthy) veggie pie was on the menu for today. Yum! It was so good we had it for lunch and dinner and there’s still more for tomorrow. Good times. With the move impending, we’ve set ourselves a somewhat strict to do list and first on my agenda was to finish some work that I hadn’t gotten through on Friday. Once that was completed, next on the list was Hypnobirthing practice. The Special One and I moved to the lounge to practice some of our relaxation techniques. We’ve been a little slack in doing these so are now committed to doing it as part of a daily practice. Final challenge to complete for the day…meditation. This I did in the bath. Yes, that’s right. I relaxed into a bath of Epsom salts and relaxing bath oil and did a ‘trust’ guided meditation, another one from Meditation Oasis. I did this one a week or so ago (may have been more recent but I can’t remember). I thought about why I chose this one again. I think it’s to affirm and reassure myself that I just need to trust in life, God, my baby and my body to do what needs to be done and bring our baby to us. And that brings me here. In bed, writing this post, listening to Deva Premal and feeling great. I’ll see you on day 29. Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 27

Only 3 days left. Wow, I can’t believe how quickly time goes. Today was good and very productive.

We slept until the sun shone into the bedroom and then continued to chill in bed despite having a pretty long to do list for today. I love mornings like that. Eventually we got up to start the day which consisted of washing clothes, packing for our move next week and clearing out our filing cabinet. We will be leaving this place with way less paperwork than we arrived with…happy days. The gym closes at 6pm on Saturdays so we just managed to fit in a 30 minute workout. I did a random program on the treadmill…burnt some calories and got the heart rate up a bit. For the meditation I chose an ‘intuitive self healing meditation’ from Meditation Oasis. The quiet time that I was looking forward to was interrupted by fits of coughing and interspersed with some sneezing. Not exactly how I would have liked my meditation for the day to go. But…it is what it is and I can’t change it. I’m really tired now! Time for bed and fingers crossed the coughing is finished for today. Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 26

What a day! It’s after midnight (actually now after 2am) as I write this post but who cares? It’s the weekend and it’s been a great night. Went to a poetry night and our niece took to the stage for the first time…a proud moment.

Despite the busy schedule today, I still managed my challenges. I meditated on the drive into London. Just to be clear…The Special One was doing the driving, not me. I did a chakra meditation – another guided meditation from Meditation Oasis. Meditating in a car isn’t as easy as I thought it would be but I did it.

I only did my workout after midnight once we got home. There wasn’t time to go to the gym today so a home workout was the only option. Despite the time I still managed a half hour resistance workout. At 7.5 weeks pregnant…yay me!

About to go to bed and hope to wake up to sunshine streaming into the room.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 25

I didn’t have the best night’s sleep yesterday and was awake at about 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep as I was coughing too much. I came downstairs to make some lemon and honey water to help soothe my chest and then ended up just surfing the internet for a bit and playing phone scrabble with my brother in law who also happened to be awake at the time. Eventually I went back to sleep after 5am and reset my alarm for 7am as I had to go to Bristol which is about 2 hours drive away. Although I was tired when I left home, I was feeling positive and in the mindset that a night of broken sleep will not determine what the rest of my day will be like. The drive was longer than expected – periods of heavy rainfall slowed traffic down and I needed to make a couple of pit stops just to stretch as I feel uncomfortable after sitting in the car after an hour or so. I guess it’s also good for baby that I get out and stretch a bit.

It’s been a good few days since I’ve been to the gym and when I got home I went straight upstairs and lay down hoping for a quick nap before The Special One got home. That was wishful thinking as he came home about 15 minutes later. We chatted for a bit and then headed to the gym – it was pretty late by then – around 8.40pm. I did a cross country program on the treadmill and worked up a little sweat. I have plans for tomorrow evening so will need to plan my workout either for the morning or early evening. Can’t miss that workout!

It was already late when we got home from the gym and still needed to have dinner – a quick egg sandwich. Dinner followed by a meditation. [I’m sure that there’s a book somewhere that says meditation should not happen so soon after a meal. Thankfully, I don’t own that book] I decided to do the Present Moment Awareness guided meditation from Meditation Oasis. I’m so glad I found these podcasts a few years ago. They have become a part of my spiritual evolution. It’s a pretty short meditation – but it’s quality, not quantity that matters. At least that’s what I’m telling myself considering I only meditated for 10 minutes.

5 days to go on this 30 day challenge. I feel very good about how it’s been going so far. To coin a corny phrase used at the end of a colleague’s every email…Onwards and Upwards!

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 24

Today was a good day. That’s all that needs to be said about it so I’ll get straight to the challenges…

Gym/workout…I had booked to do an aqua class this evening but then a message from the gym appeared on Facebook saying that aqua was cancelled tonight and tomorrow morning – boo! I ‘umm’d and ‘ah’d about going/not going to the gym and then decided to look for a workout to do at home. I ended up finding a 25 minute stretch/relaxation video which I did and boy did I need that. I tend to only really get my stretch on at yoga on a Sunday so things do get a bit tight. At the rate that baby’s moving about I think all that stretching is appreciated 🙂

Meditation…I actually meditated first before the workout so that The Special One could do his workout first. Sitting on our bed, I just closed my eyes and went with what came. (So much for setting my intention…or is that intention enough? Just letting things be) All I felt like doing was bonding/being with baby…so that’s what I did. Then that naturally led to me doing some Reiki. I really think that this little baby knows what’s going on and responds to it. I wonder if Reiki will feel natural to baby outside of the womb considering we’re doing it pretty regularly now? Time will tell.

I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow so need to get a good night’s rest. I have planned some stops along the way though to stretch my legs and of course get a comfort break. I’ve been driving a lot this week and I think that it may be contributing to this feeling of slowing down that I’m experiencing but I can’t be sure. I’ll definitely try and do less driving next week.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 23

The day started with one of the motorways that I use on my journey being shut which meant a few detours and an extra hour in the car. That didn’t affect the rest of my day though which was pretty cool. My last meeting of the day finished late which meant no gym as I had preggie group to attend. I didn’t mind that the meeting ran over…I was presented with a gift for baby and flowers for myself from the team…so sweet 🙂 I refuse to let one thing going ‘wrong’/not according to plan affect the rest of my day.

I did one of my 30 minute resistance workouts at home, had a quick bite to eat and then rushed to the local pregnancy group. I was the only person to turn up! It was the first one at this centre so clearly word hasn’t got around yet. Had a chat with the midwife, asked her to check which way baby was laying which she did and then we called it a night. Again, I didn’t mind too much as it meant more time with The Special One.

The guided meditations from Meditation Oasis seemed appealing tonight and I chose one on trust. Trust in yourself is what it’s about…not sure why I chose it but it’s the one I was drawn towards. I will make sure that tomorrow I do some Reiki though…I think baby and I could do with a boost.

Only 7 days left of the first 30 day challenge! Only 18 days left of work and negotiating traffic! Only 2 months until we meet our baby! So much to look forward to!

Life is good.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 22

Oh boy am I tired! I nearly fell asleep while meditating. This post if going to be short and sweet so that I don’t fall asleep writing it.

Workout: it was nearly 8pm when I got back from work but I really wanted to go to the gym. The only thing holding me back was the time. Some encouraging words from The Special One got me out the door and onto the treadmill. I thought it was quite funny that I was walking at a faster speed than the girl next to me who was jogging…ah well…I’m not here to judge her.

Meditation: selected a guided meditation on healing tonight as I feel a little poorly and feeling some discomfort in the pelvic girdle area. Some healing is just what I need and although Reiki would have been a good plan for tonight, I was just too tired for it so the guided meditation was the better option.

I need to sleep! Four weeks and counting until I finish work…I am really looking forward to it!

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 21

Week 3 is done! Yeah baby 🙂 It’s been a great day and I’m writing this post pretty early (compared to some of the recent ones) which means that I’ll get to bed at a reasonable time in preparation for the week ahead. [p.s. only 4 weeks of work left]

So this morning started with pregnancy yoga at the local community centre. I really do enjoy these classes as the teacher is a trained midwife and very pro active birth. Each yoga class is an ante-natal lesson and I learn loads while I’m there. She can be a bit of a taskmaster but labour isn’t a walk in the park and so these classes prepare us for our finest hour. 1.5 hours after walking into the class, I am buzzing with endorphins and ready to head to the gym for my next fitness fix…Body Pump.

Ah I do love me some Body Pump – there’s a link to read more about it in this post. I added some weight on to the back track – Grace, the instructor, wasn’t keen but she knows that I won’t push myself and so trusted me to say if it was too much. I was fine 🙂 I am loving the squat track as well! I squatted the shizzle out of that track. I have it a bit easier because I don’t use weights but then I am 7 months into my pregnancy so I am pretty proud of myself with each class/workout that I do.

After the gym I got home and cooked up a storm. Yummolicious (yeah that’s a real word that I just made up). Salmon side + roast potatoes (Jamie Oliver 30 minute meal style) + sautéed courgettes. Hmmm…it was good…both times. So I had it for lunch and dinner – it was a big piece of salmon.

I did a bit of internet surfing, catching up on what’s happening on Facebook, checking out a few natural birthing type websites, watched this video, and did some work in preparation for tomorrow. Then it was nap time. The Special One was out for a bit of the afternoon attending a Daddy class at the hospital – sweet, right? About an hour and a half later I woke up when the door opened and he was back home – happy days. We chilled, chatted, he ate, I distracted him while he wrote a post, I watched some more videos and then it was time for the second of my 2 challenges…meditation.

Just throwing this in – from my favourite book ‘The Prophet’

I alternate where I meditate – doesn’t have to be in the same place each time so today I was in the lounge. I started by sitting on the sofa (cross legged as I am trying to encourage baby to move into a head down position) but that position wasn’t working for me and so I ended up on the floor. I think both of us felt it was a good move. [Side note – I don’t believe that meditation has to be done sitting cross legged as we are sometimes led to think from pictures, etc.]

Today’s meditation was just me and baby sitting in silence. Thoughts came and went. I did think that I should it would be useful to set an intention at the beginning of the meditation to help with the focus. Of course this came to me close to the end but I think that the intention was there all along – being with and connecting with baby.

It seems that I naturally flow into a Reiki session after a (non-guided) meditation. This is great though because I was beating myself up (not literally) about not doing Reiki as much as I should would like to. [I’m making the point of removing ‘should’ from my vocabulary] We both enjoy the Reiki and I can definitely see it becoming something that I do with baby regularly.

So that’s a wrap. Bring on the last 9 days of the challenge! One day at a time…of course. I’m off to read The Special One’s post before I go to bed (I might have to go and howl at the moon first though).

Have a good week.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 -Day 20

Chilling on a Saturday night with only 10 days left of the 30 day challenge. The 2 challenges that I set myself…working out and meditating daily are going pretty well.

Here’s what today brought…

I had a chiropractor appointment this morning and am not meant to do any exercise on the day of the treatment. So when I got back The Special One and I had a nap and then he made us lunch. After that it was time for some housework…hung out the washing, packed away the clean clothes, packed all the clothes away that I’m not going to wear for a while, packed baby’s clothes in a suitcase ready for when we move in a couple of weeks. So that was my workout for the day. Bit of a stretch, I know but I was pretty active and that’s the best I can offer for today. Tomorrow is pregnancy yoga and pump at the gym…that should make up for today 🙂

I chose to do a guided meditation called ‘Accessing Intuition’ from Meditation Oasis. The cool thing about them is that there are so many meditations to choose from and there’s always one that I’m drawn to. After the meditation, baby and I had some bonding time while I did Reiki…the intention is self-healing but it feels like bonding.

Bring on tomorrow.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 19

Hello Weekend! What a week it’s been. Pretty hectic over here with fitting in the challenges and working and living life and slight sleep deprivation.  We made it – smiling. Yay us 🙂

I had a very good visit at the midwife today. She’s pleased with everything – bump measurement, blood pressure, etc. We got to hear baby’s heartbeat again which is always soooo special. The Special One usually comes with me but had to be at work today so I called him while I was at the midwife so he could hear everything. No reason why he can’t be involved – even from miles away, right?

Sleep wasn’t great last night and so this morning I was tired and thankfully had set the alarm for later than normal since I knew I’d be working from home. I could have just kept sleeping but there was work to be done. By about 4pm, I was struggling to keep my eyes open and ended up going to have a nap at around 5pm. I only woke up when The Special One got in after 7pm – a well needed and deserved rest.

I started meditating after 8pm when The Special One went to the gym. I meditated for a while and then did Reiki self-healing. I think baby really likes the Reiki and should do it more often. I should probably be doing it daily – we’ll get there. Perhaps that’s the next challenge?

After the meditation and Reiki I decided to do the Colleen Riddle third trimester workout video I found on You Tube. I’ll be back in the gym on Sunday for pump. I have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow and he recommends just walking on the day of a treatment – I fancy a walk in the park but if that’s not possible then I may just go to the gym instead.

 

The 30 day challenge of working out and meditating daily seem to be going well and are definitely contributing to my overall wellbeing. I can see it continuing after the 30 days are completed. I’m not going to even start thinking about the next challenge – live in the present moment, right?

Thanks for reading x

 

Challenge 1 – Day 18

Getting up this morning was a struggle but I made it and now I am back in bed and writing this post quickly before The Special One comes to bed.

I am willing away what feels like a cold that’s trying to invade my body. By the morning I’ll be feeling tip top.

I did parts 3 to 5 of the pregnancy Pilates DVD and loved it. Pilates for butt and thighs, Pilates for flexibility and full body Pilates. I had planned to go to the gym but felt a little lousy so instead of giving up on the gym and the challenge, I still managed a 30 minute workout. Yay me!

A guided meditation for deep relaxation by Meditation Oasis was my meditation of choice this evening. Mary Maddux’s voice is very soothing and relaxing. I wanted to do a longer meditation and I also thought about just doing Reiki instead but I am so tired that I think I would just fall asleep or be taken over by thoughts and lose focus. I should really aim to meditate on the morning – I seem to be a better morning mediator (or am I just making that up?)

Sleep time for me. I hope you’re having a good week.

“Don’t go through life, grow through life” Eric Butterwort

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 17

I’m having dinner as I write this post in order to save time so that I can get to bed at a decent hour. It’s been a pretty exhausting day comprising of 4 meetings – all of them productive though 🙂

So last night the intention was to get up at 6h15 to go to the gym. This morning at 6h15 I woke up…and then reset the alarm to go off at 7h30 in order to get some more sleep before heading off the the meetings. Sleep just seemed more important at that moment.

I worked in London today so The Special One and I met at the station and travelled home together – good times. Once in, I had chilled for a bit and then started the Pilates workout DVD that I found online. I finished the ‘Standing Workout’ and was almost done with the ‘Core Workout’ when I started experiencing a strange discomfort behind my eyes. Now my eyes had been bothering me all day – so much so that I ended up buying eye drops (which I haven’t actually used yet) but this particular sensation was different. It was causing my head to hurt a little as well. I wonder if it was the particular exercise that I was doing where my head was lower than the rest of my body – perhaps linked to my blood pressure that’s pretty low? I’m not sure but at that point I stopped doing the workout and started to meditate.

Considering the state of my head and the discomfort I was feeling, I decided to do a Meditation Oasis guided meditation. I chose the gratitude meditation – I know I’ve done it recently but it’s the one I was drawn to and so it’s the one I selected. There was no need to get all intellectual about it – just go with what felt right – right?

It was always going to be the right choice. The meditation invites you to count your blessings – I don’t have to be asked twice. She (Mary Maddux – the voice of Meditation Oasis) invites you to let things/people/situations come to mind for which you are grateful. It’s like someone opened a tap full blast and things and people just kept coming to mind. It felt like my consciousness expanded beyond what I’ve felt in a long time. I have so many people in my life to be grateful for, so many situations and so may things that make life wonderful. My cup really runneth over.

Right now I feel very…how shall I put it…breathe in and ‘aaaaahhhhhhhhh’.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 16

I’m in bed already so this is going to be short and sweet. We were awake and out of bed somewhat reluctantly by 6h20 this morning and headed to the gym. It was freezing! To be precise…it was -5.5°. Thankfully the gym was toasty and it felt so good to be back and working up a sweat. I did a gluteal program on the treadmill this time. 30 minutes at 5.2km.

I had planned to meditate on the train into London but was too distracted and it was the same on the way home. Exhausted, I did a short deep relaxation meditation courtesy of Meditation Oasis. Hopefully that has set me up for a deep sleep tonight as we plan to be back at the gym tomorrow morning.

That’s it from me.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 15

Half way through the 30 day challenge and it doesn’t seem to be getting easier. I struggled to get up this morning to get up and go to work after being in the house for the past 3 days. Needless to say I didn’t meditate before I got out of bed. Work was long and I only ended up getting home close to 8pm. I was hoping to go to the gym today but the roads weren’t safe for walking…The Special One had walked there earlier and advised against me doing the same. So I ended up doing a 30 minute resistance training video – 3rd trimester friendly of course. I then had a teeny dinner followed by dessert and eventually made my way upstairs to meditate. After being home with The Special One all day, every day, for 2 whole days, it’s hard being apart so even though he was in the throes of completing his challenge for the day, I was happy to just sit there and be with him. But a challenge is a challenge and so I did a guided meditation because I think I would have fallen asleep if I went in on my own. The meditation I did today was called ‘Simply Being’. It’s exactly about that…just being and not having to do anything or feel any particular way or work towards a certain outcome. Just what I needed after the long and busy day that I had.

I hope you had an awesome and blessed day. Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 14

Week 2 of the 30 day challenge is done! Not even the snow could keep me from completing this challenge and it tried – real hard!

Last night I was still planning to go to pregnancy yoga class and even this morning when I woke up that was still the plan. The Special One woke me this morning as my alarm didn’t go off and he knew that I was probably going to be spending a fair bit of time getting ready as I had to rinse henna off my hair. [You can read about that here.] I had woken up at about 7h30 to go to the loo and when I looked outside it hadn’t snowed which meant that I would be heading to yoga. By the time I got up at 9h00, it was snowing heavily and so I sent the yoga teacher a text to say that I wasn’t going in. I was really looking forward to it but I’m not a confident driver in the snow – this also meant that I wasn’t going to pump either 😦

I ended up doing the same workout video that I did on day 12 – I didn’t work up a sweat with this and so decided to try out this Pilates pregnancy DVD that I had on my pc. Whoo hooo…now that was a workout. There is so much information online about what pregnant women can/can’t/should/shouldn’t do – it’s confusing. In this DVD  the very pregnant woman doing the exercises does some of them on her back – a no-no according to much of the information that you read online. I didn’t get to that part of the DVD (they are in 10 minute blocks and I got through 2 of them) but I think that I’d like to try this sometime. I believe that my body will be able to tell me if something isn’t right and so I will trust in myself and not get caught up in the conflicting messages on the internet.

Um ok…so after the 2nd pilates section I was taking a break and while sitting on the floor, decided to meditate. Why not, right? Just closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. I found myself moving my hands to my belly eventually and repeating the words “you are loved, you are welcome” in my head and just sending love to our little baby. That was all. Simple and powerful.

I wonder what week 3 of the challenge holds in store. I wonder if I’ll get to the gym tomorrow (I’m really missing the treadmill and cross trainer…can’t believe I said that!) Gosh, I wonder if I’ll get to work tomorrow as it has snowed pretty much unrelentingly for the past 12 hours. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Thanks for reading x

A Henna Story

I’ve pretty much been following the same curly hair routine for my haircare over the past year or maybe longer than that. Rinse daily, leave conditioner in every day, co-wash every few days and use a clarifying (free of nasties) hair wash every other week (when I can remember). I was going through a ‘nesting’ phase the other day and while unpacking the bathroom cabinet, I found some henna which I’ve decided to put to good use.

It’s been so long since I applied henna that I didn’t remember what to mix it with – do I add oils or conditioners? I decided to just follow the instructions – add water and make a paste. Well I kinda followed the instructions – I used green tea instead of just plain water – I figured the antioxidants would do my hair some good.

The henna is from Sheabutter Cottage, my favourite place to buy pure oils/butters/general body/hair care products. Akua, the owner, is always available if you have any questions about how to use products or to recommend products. I added ginger powder as this is supposed to help mask the smell of the henna. I don’t mind the smell of henna – it’s earthy and not overpowering at all.

I applied the henna at about 9pm-ish, cling filmed my hair/head, wrapped a scarf around my head and left it on overnight. This is not the most attractive look which is why it’s probably best to do it just before going to sleep.

You were warned!

The beauty of henna is that it’s pure so there are no nasty chemicals that are entering my body or going to my baby. Woke up this morning and there was some leakage on the pillowcase – a bit annoying as they are silk [must remember to put a towel down next time]. I then had a loooong shower to rinse it all out. I didn’t put the shower on full blast as I didn’t want to waste water. The thing with henna is that it takes ages to rinse out. I find that applying conditioner and getting a lot of slip helps the rinsing process. The water wasn’t running completely clear by the time I finished but I needed to get a move on so figured I’d have another rinse session tomorrow.

The colour is great – a rich auburn that’s not too obvious. It has just added a bit of life to my hair. Made it a bit…exciting. The Special One called me ‘Firebird’ – a name he called me once about 3 years ago when I last chemically dyed my hair and it was various shades of orange and red and it’s also the name he gave his guitar which has similar shades in it 🙂

Henna is great for strengthening hair as well as giving hair a lovely shine. I find that I need to follow with a deep moisturising treatment  the next day/night just to counteract the little dryness that I get after a henna treatment. All in all, henna is a great way to give your hair a natural boost of colour and strength. I think I’ll be doing a henna gloss treatment in a month or so – definitely before baby comes!

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 13

I’ve been cooped up inside the house due to yesterday’s snow – everyone keeps telling me it’s not safe to go out because it’s so slippery. I know it’s true and I have fallen in the snow before so I don’t want to risk it. I did find myself suffering from cabin fever – I guess it was more from just doing nothing as opposed to being indoors. Unfortunately my nesting instinct wasn’t functioning today so I didn’t feel much like cleaning or doing any housework.

This morning when I woke up I chilled in bed for a bit and then decided to meditate. I meditated for a while and then did Reiki. While I was meditating, baby was very active and the minute I started doing Reiki, baby seemed to settle down. I hope that I’ll be able to use Reiki once baby joins as a means to settle and soothe.

Due to being under house arrest, I decided to do another home workout courtesy of YouTube, to ensure that I keep to my 30 day challenge. I found another 3rd trimester workout video by the same woman whose workout I did yesterday. I have been wanting to do more resistance in preparation for labour, birth and mommyhood so these are perfect.

Post workout I started making dinner while The Special One tried out the Insanity workout – it’s pretty insane! I had heard about it from a colleague ages ago and thought that I’d try it sometime but after seeing him work through it – I’m not so sure any more! It’s definitely not suitable during pregnancy – thank goodness.

Tomorrow’s yoga class is still on – just at a different venue – so I’ll be going there. I need to check if the gym will be opening as normal because then I’ll be able to do pump as well – yay!

Totally off topic – sometimes in order to follow our dreams/destiny/be true to ourselves, we have to go against convention and what others’ deem to be the right way – it’s not easy but it is doable. 

Hope you’re having a great weekend.

Thanks for reading x

Challenge 1 – Day 12

What a pretty day! It started snowing at 8h30 and didn’t stop until later afternoon. Everywhere looked like Christmas.

The gym closed early so it meant working out at home. I did 30 minutes of resistance training to a video I found on YouTube. It was great and felt like a proper workout.

I have just finished meditating – late again, I know. During this meditation I felt like sending love down to baby. So with my one hand on my heart and the other on my belly, I felt overwhelmed with love for this little person growing inside me and sent it to our little bebe. The middle of my forehead had an immense pressure throughout the meditation and as soon as I finished, it stopped as well. I wonder what that means?

I hope to have a good night’s rest tonight. I glanced in the mirror earlier and I look tired. Hopefully that can be remedied this weekend.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi

Thanks for reading xx

Challenge 1 – Day 11

I can hardly keep my eyes open..I am that tired! This post is going to be short and sweet.

I had set my alarm for 6h30 so I could meditate before getting ready for work. When I eventually woke up at 7h15, it was too late to meditate and I had to quickly get ready.

The thought of driving to the other side of town to go to an aqua class wasn’t appealing so I cancelled it and went to the local gym for a walk on the treadmill. A 30 minute gluteal program is what I chose today – my glutes don’t feel any different…

After dinner I came upstairs to meditate. I found myself focusing on the baby being in the optimal position for birth. I didn’t plan to meditate on that but that’s what happened.

So, that’s day 11 of the 30 day challenge done and dusted.

Sweet dreams.

Thanks for reading xx

Challenge 1 – Day 10

Brrrr! It is freezing. I worked in one of our stores today and their heating was broken. Boy was it cold. I felt sorry for those without another person growing inside them to help increase their body temperature!

It was -3°C as I walked to the gym – that’s dedication to the cause 🙂 I did an aqua class this evening and it was ok. The teacher wasn’t as engaging as the others but time still passed pretty quickly.

I struggled to get up this morning. It’s just way too cold in the mornings. Needless to say I didn’t meditate until just moments ago. I really felt like I needed to connect with baby so that’s what I did.  Years ago when I started meditating I thought that it had to be done sitting in a certain position, with my hands a certain way, etc. I realise now that there’s no right way. And that’s the truth for a lot of things. As long as your intentions are true to you then it is the right way. 

A third of the 30 day challenge is complete…yay. As one of my colleagues would say…onward and upwards!

Thanks for reading xx

Challenge 1 – Day 9

Oh boy it’s really late and I should be asleep. My intention of last night (see yesterday’s post) didn’t work out as planned. I forgot that I had my monthly pregnancy group this evening. It’s from 7pm to 9.30pm so takes up most of the evening.

Day 9 of the 30 day challenge happened as follows… I realised after yesterday’s post that I was going to be out when I had planned to be at the gym so figured I’d go before preggie group. I didn’t meditate in the morning…instead I had a well deserved lie-in. I went to the gym around 5.30pm and did a half hour cross country program on the treadmill. I definitely think this is good for me and baby. I wonder what sort of activities we’ll do together when baby is bigger.

After the gym it was preggie class. I was a little late and walked in while the first woman was introducing herself. Moan, moan, moan. I had to zone out a little in order to not absorb her negativity. She was in the ‘hot seat’s assigned to the woman due to give birth next. I guess as this was her moment in the spotlight she decided to use it as her soapbox as all the other woman just said their name and how far along they were.

After the group I came home, had dinner courtesy of The Special One and then went to meditate. I decided to do a Meditation Oasis guided meditation since I’m quite tired. I went onto the website to see if there were any new ones and found a pregnancy one. Yay! It was lovely and very simple – just about connecting with your baby.

After the meditation I started writing this post. And as soon as I’m finished I’ll make my pre bedtime trip to the bathroom and head to lala land. I can’t believe I’m going to sleep so late…eek! Sweet dreams.

Thanks for reading xx

Challenge 1 – Day 8

Week 2 of the 30 day challenge begins. Getting out of bed was a struggle! The fact that it was snowing outside didn’t provide any motivation to get up. I speak only for myself of course because The Special One was up and out to the gym for 6h30. That’s dedication!

I didn’t meditate or go to the gym this morning so it was all left for after I got home. Mondays always tend to be long days at the office and now with only 30 working days left, I don’t see myself leaving earlier especially as I’m wrapping up and handing over and generally making sure that everything that needs to be done is done. I think it was only after 8pm that I arrived at the gym. I started on the cross trainer and did about 1 minute before I stopped. It was really hard today and I realised that because I’m pregnant there’s no need to push myself. I need to focus on being active and not push the intensity. I ended up doing a 30 minute cross country program on the treadmill which was still a good workout.

When I got back home, The Special One had dinner ready – yummy! We then watched an episode of Elementary and then I went upstairs to meditate while he carried on doing what he was doing downstairs. I’ve discovered that while I enjoy meditating in silence and doing Reiki in the morning, I prefer to do a guided meditation in the evenings. Maybe it’s because in the morning my mind is still clear and in the evenings I have all the day’s events to provide more than enough chatter. Maybe. Anyway, I did a guided meditation for patience courtesy of Meditation Oasis. I’m a pretty patient person but sometimes I do get a bit impatient in certain situations or with certain people – as happened today at work – so this was a good one.

I’m starting to feel rather stiff after yesterday’s Body Pump class and I’m sure it’ll be worse tomorrow. If its true that all this exercise will help facilitate an easy labour and birth then it is worth it!

I just ordered a new pair of maternity gym bottoms. I tried on all my old jogging bottoms before I went to the gym and although they fit, they were putting too much pressure on the bump because almost all the waistbands ended smack bang in the middle of TjieTjie’s home. Not cool. So they will all be relegated to the pre-pregnancy suitcase (which I still need to allocate).

Tomorrow it is my intention to meditate in the morning and go to the 8pm aqua class. There, I said it. And so it shall be.

Have a super duper awesome amazing week.

Thanks for reading xx

Challenge 1 – Day 7

1 week of the 30 day challenge is done! Yay! Is it just me or is life just getting better? Maybe it just feels that life gets better as one’s perspective changes? Who knows? No matter what the answer is, I like it 🙂

Today was great. I didn’t get much of a lie-in this morning as I had to be up at 7h45 to make sure I had breakfast and then get ready for pregnancy yoga. After yoga was Body Pump at the gym. It’s been a while and I felt it. I used teeny weeny weights (1.25kg each side) or just the bar depending on the exercise and I was sweating up a storm. I tell you what though – it felt goooooooood! If you don’t know what Body Pump is, you can read more about it here.

The Special One joined me today for the first time. It was under duress but like I said to him, he’s a strong minded person who isn’t easily convinced to do anything – not even by me. So this was his own choice. I don’t mind that he called me ‘the punisher’ after the class 🙂 I have a feeling it’s going to be a regular one for him going forward.

After a protein rich lunch, we sat down and did some planning – we’re making some changes and needed to write things down and get them out into the Universe to make them happen. It was a tiring business though because we ended up needing to have a nap. Ah, nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap to recharge the batteries. After waking I decided that this was a good time to meditate. I’m glad I did. I did some visualisation relating to the birth of our baby. And the rest of the time was just there. Mindful of my breathing and desiring no particular outcome. Just being. I ended the ‘quiet time’ with some Reiki. I think I need to look at doing Reiki as a service to others and not just confine it to myself, The Special One and baby. But I don’t have to think about that right now.

It’s nearly bed time so I have to wrap this up. I feel so much love. I’m not sure if its the additional endorphins running through my body because of all the exercise or because of taking the time out to be still and meditate or neither of these things. How I feel reminds me of a line from a poem…”Suddenly I realise that if I stepped out of my body I would burst into blossom”.

Thanks for reading. xx

Challenge 1 – Day 6

Today was a wonderful day. I woke up, went back to sleep, woke up again and we went to the gym.

I planned do an aqua class and was a little late because we went to the gym across town today and couldn’t find parking. I contemplated not doing the class but thought “I’m not that late” so went anyway and who was teaching the class? Grace..whooo hoooo! It was so much fun. It’s actually entertaining just watching her – she loves to dance. Chatted to her after cos I want to do Body Pump again but was a little worried that I had not done a class in about 2 months. We agreed that if I take it easy and make the necessary adjustments that it should be cool. So tomorrow will be pregnancy yoga at the local community centre then off to the gym for Body Pump. I think The Special One will be joining me as well…double bonus 😀

We took a walk to a coffee shop near to our home and spent the afternoon there. It was lovely. I read, people watched, sat feeling baby moving, chilled. Bliss.

I have just finished meditating. Well I meditated then picked up my phone to write this post, noticed a Facebook notification, saw my niece had posted in her blog, read it, cried and then started writing this post. She’s a very talented young woman and had written a beautiful poem. Ahhhhh.

Ok, so I have not long finished meditating…that’s more accurate. I went to this beautiful place in Cape Town called Kirstenbosch Gardens…I won’t get into all the imagery but trust me, it was beautiful.  Then I did some Reiki and although TjieTjie was very active at the beginning, it kind of chilled baby out when I placed my hands on my solar plexus and sacral chakras. I’m thinking that if I do Reiki regularly then it would hopefully have a similar calming effect outside of the womb as well. Can’t hurt, right? Activity is picking up again though as I’m writing this.

I’m really enjoying doing this 30 day challenge. I had been talking about wanting to meditate more and now I’m doing it. Simples. And I love going to the gym everyday. I thought I didn’t have the time but I clearly do.

Week 1 is almost over already – time really does fly.

Sweet dreams when you get there.

Thanks for reading. xx

Challenge 1 – Day 5

Howdy Y´all.

Day 5 of the 30 day challenge is done and dusted!

Today also marks the 30th week of my pregnancy and I have 30 days of work left. I feel very pregnant at the moment – in a good way though.

TjieTjie was very busy today. This little one was moving around for hours while I was working this afternoon. I think baby is working on a special birth dance…something to entertain us with once baby’s out. Either that or baby is training to become a ninja. I wonder if it’s the additional activity…maybe all my exercise is making TjieTjie more active? Who knows.

We went to the gym this evening. Did cardio as I’ve got an aqua class tomorrow morning. 30 minutes interval program on the treadmill. I’m really enjoying the gym again. I am actually looking forward to going again tomorrow.

As it was late before I got to meditate, I decided to do another guided meditation. It was another one from Meditation Oasis. This one was a gratitude meditation. I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about all the things we have in our lives to be grateful for. I’m glad I chose that one. Once I started thinking about the ‘obvious’ things in my life I was grateful for, so many more things came to mind. I’ll definitely be doing that more often. I don’t need a guided meditation to do this though but it does help to maintain focus.

So…Day 6 tomorrow. See you then.

Thanks for reading. X

Challenge 1 – Day 4

Boy does day 30 seem like a long way away! I was SO tired this morning that I almost said “screw this challenge!”…but I didn’t. Instead I sat up and started meditating. I had a super productive day working from home and got loads done – yay me 🙂

I was contemplating not going to the gym and doing an exercise video or something instead. But then the 30 day challenge that I’ve set myself is to go to the gym and so I dragged myself went to the gym. Part of the motivation was that it was an aqua class that I thought Grace (my favourite instructor) was teaching. Turns out it wasn’t her taking the class but someone called Belinda, who is now in the same league (in my books) as Grace. I had so much fun that I was surprised when she said that the class was finished before the cool down.

Keeping this one short and sweet. I’m super duper tired. Sweet dreams.

Thanks for reading. x

Challenge 1 – Day 3

Last night turned out to be one of those…no, there were no strange middle of the night fights outside but I did struggle to fall asleep. It was so very tempting to stay in bed this morning and not go to the gym. Very tempting.

Thankfully I want the only one getting up which made it a little easier and so The Special One and I took a walk to the gym together at about 6h25am. I realised that I don’t pay too much attention to calories burnt anymore and instead I just enjoy the feeling of being active and the energy that I get from exercising. I did cardio today and will do another aqua aerobics class tomorrow with Grace who happens to be my favorite gym instructor 🙂

Back in the day when I had an iPhone, I discovered Meditation Oasis and saved all their podcasts. This was very helpful tonight as we got home much later than planned thanks to my mother in law and sister in law’s amazing cooking. Meditation Oasis do guided meditations and given that I’m feeling quite tired, I find it easier to follow someone’s voice than sit in silence and ‘risk’ falling asleep.

Today was a great day! In fact, this week has been awesome so far. I know that’s just randomly thrown into this post, but the thought occurred to me and so I wrote it.

Bring on day 4 of the 30 day challenge…I’m ready.

Hope you’re having a great week too.

Thanks for reading. X

Challenge 1 – Day 2

I’m sitting here writing this post while eating my dinner (a salmon fillet) so that I can get to bed at a reasonable time tonight. Sleep hasn’t been great the past few nights. Sunday night was just troublesome getting to sleep – we usually listen to a hypnobirthing relaxation cd when we get to bed which sends me to sleep in about 5 – 10 minutes. It’s about 28 minutes long and Sunday night I heard the whole track 😦 Sleep eluded me and when I eventually fell asleep it was only for a short period and I was awake again. Perhaps it was the excitement of the 30 day challenge? We’ll never know.

Last night the cd worked it’s magic. The Special One and I said our good nights, I turned on the track and I was gone. Until we were woken up by the sound of screaming and shouting…a couple somewhere were having a fight at around 1am and it was loud! Not cool. We both lay there listening in case there was any hint that it was getting violent. Eventually it stopped and we could sleep but broken sleep just doesn’t cut it – right? Although the optimist in me would say “broken sleep is better than no sleep”. 😀 Seriously though…we’re having a baby in around 10 weeks time…We need our sleep…NOW!

Having said all that about sleep deprivation – these last couple of days I haven’t felt like sleeping while driving in to work. My journeys are pretty long. Yesterday’s was 1hr 15min and today’s was around 2 hours long. I don’t even think I yawned today. I remember this because I was thinking to myself while driving this morning how I should write about how I’ve not yawned. (Yes, I have these strange conversations with myself often every now and then)

This post is supposed to be about Day 2 of the 30 day challenge…so here goes. I woke up around 6h15 and started meditating when The Special One left for the gym. There’s not much to say about it except that I am really enjoying getting up and doing it. Spending time in silence is bliss. It feels good to be doing Reiki again – it’s been a while and definitely something that I am going to continue doing after the challenge.

I did the Tuesday aqua class for the first time. They have different teachers on different days and this one used floating weights. I loved it. It really felt like more of a workout than the other aqua classes that I’ve been to. We are off to see The Special One’s mum tomorrow before she leaves for a month so there won’t be time for gym in the evening. No, I’m not quitting – I’ll be swapping things around tomorrow – so gym in the morning and meditation in the evening. Nothing will stand in the way of me completing this challenge!

How’s your challenge going?

Thanks for reading. x

Challenge 1 – Day 1

We’re off to a good start…I woke up at 6h15 this morning when The Special One was leaving for the gym and when he left, I began my meditation. Ah what bliss! It was wonderful to be still and just breathe mindfully and just…be. After the meditation I did some Reiki and really felt a connection with TjieTjie (pronounced Chi-Chi – the name we’re calling our soon to be here baby).

Source

Work was pretty good today – there are 2 new people starting in our team to take over when I finish work…next month – whoo hoooo!! The whole team went off for lunch together – bit of bonding and all in all there was a pretty cool atmosphere in the office although I have no idea where the time went!

Anyhooo…got home a bit late this evening and was not in the mood for the gym. But a challenge is a challenge and so I eventually managed the 5 minute walk (it took no great effort, really) to the gym and then did a 30 minute interval program on the treadmill, worked up a sweat, burnt some calories and felt good. When I got back home, dinner was waiting for me (He really is special).

I do need to get to bed at a reasonable time though to make sure that I have enough sleep and can maintain getting up at 6h15 to meditate before getting ready for work. Think I’ll be doing an aqua class tomorrow night.

Have you started a 30 day challenge?

Thanks for reading. x

30 Day Challenge

In the Special One’s latest blog, he wrote about wanting inspiration as his job is lacking fulfillment. During his search, he came across a video talking about doing a 30 day challenge and so we spent some time discussing what he could do for this challenge and future one’s to come. At the end of his post he challenges readers to do the same. So not one to shy away from a challenge of this nature, I decided to do 2.

Firstly, I’ll be going to the gym every day. I keep talking about going so now I’m just going to do it. I’ve been going irregularly throughout my pregnancy so am not doing myself any favours and with only 11 weeks left I best get this Mama prepped for labor and birth.

Secondly, I’m going to mediate every day. Since getting pregnant, I’ve not been meditating much at all. Maybe it’s because my focus has changed but I feel that being pregnant is even more reason to still my mind and go within. So when the Special One gets up to go to the gym (one of his three challenges), I’ll get up to meditate and in the evenings I’ll go to the gym.

Sometimes when we’re not doing the thing/s we want to do, we just need someone to say “I’m in it with you”. I’ll keep you posted on how I’m doing. Thanks for reading xx

Pregnancy Obsession – Weight

There are a few things that I’ve become obsessed with since I’m pregnant. One of them The Special One and I are both guilty of is…pushchairs. When we’re out and about, separately or together, we’re eyeing up all the pushchairs that go by and trying to figure out if they would work for us. I have stopped a few mothers walking with pushchairs that we like the look of to question them. But more on that later.

My secret obsession is with my weight. It’s silly right, I’m pregnant so obviously I am going to pick up weight. If I don’t then that means baby isn’t growing. So weight gain is good. Then why do I find myself getting on the scale every single day checking how much (if any) I’ve gained.

source

I eat sensibly because I want the best for our unborn child and make sure that I get decent levels of all the nutritional goodness that baby needs. There’s just so much out there on the world wide web about pregnancy and weight gain. So many pages talking about what constitutes an acceptable weight gain during pregnancy depending on your pre-pregnancy weight.

source

I think I should just trust my instincts and know that I’m doing the right thing for our Special Little Person growing inside me. Whatever weight needs to be gained is going to be gained, right? Besides, this is a life-changing ‘event’ that’s going on with me as well as for The Special One. This is a total metamorphosis of mind, body…life as we know it. Weight gain should really be the least of my obsessions – and it’s definitely not an obsession that I want to pass onto this life growing inside of me.

source

Time to be free of obsession and celebrate the Gift with whom we we have been blessed.

Hugs

xx

Stay away from the Forums!

One of the first things that I did when I found out that we were going to have a baby was to join every pregnancy forum and website I could find. I learnt so much. I had no idea that pregnancy is calculated from the 1st day of your last period. So technically the 40 weeks that you’re pregnant includes a couple of weeks when you’re actually not pregnant. Weird, right?

What an education you get on the forums. I learnt that when you’re pregnant you get morning sickness and a metallic taste in your mouth and your boobs start to hurt and you crave ridiculous foods and your sense of smell gets superhero status. So imagine my horror when I was experiencing none of these!

The first test I took confirmed I was pregnant and of course I had to take a second test…just to make sure. After a week of reading through forums, I went out and bought more tests – just to make sure that I was pregnant – because I wasn’t experiencing any of the ‘normal’ symptoms. Then, when I was 6 weeks pregnant, my ever-supportive husband and I took a 1 hour journey to a hospital that offered a walk-in scan service just so that I could have some reassurance that I really was pregnant. After waiting 3 hours, we got to hear our little baby’s heartbeat. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Was it necessary? Definitely not.

I am thankfully one of the lucky ones who don’t get the not so nice pregnancy symptoms…unfortunately daddy-to-be is experiencing a few of them. He’s handling it very well though 🙂 Yes, I have been blessed. Occasionally I will smell something that is very subtle that no one else can pick up. Sometimes I go through periods of wanting certain drinks (at the moment it’s Horlicks) or wanting to eat certain foods (I’ve been through phases of jacket potatoes, grapefruit, melon and right now it’s frozen yoghurt). All in all, I’ve been peachy.

I’ve learnt to stay away from the pregnancy forums. Why? Besides the fact that they scared me into thinking that 4 pregnancy tests were wrong, the other reason is this…no-one creates a thread on a forum to talk about how well things are going. If you’re worried about something then call your midwife or your doctor – just don’t seek advice from forums!

Hugs

xx

Pregnant and Swimming

Geez it’s been a long time since I wrote a post. This one isn’t about curls or running. It’s about being pregnant! Whooo hooo…yes I am 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Happy days 🙂 So I’m not going to get into all of the preggie business in this post as that will take me all day (or at least a number of posts). Today, I wanted to have a little rant about maternity swimsuits.

I think I am having a pretty ‘standard’ pregnancy and therefore this includes the need to urinate more often than normal. I’m also making sure that I’m having my daily allowance of water to keep myself and our little baby hydrated which means the need for a toilet break increases even more. So why oh why do they make one piece swimsuits knowing that us pregnant ladies are going to have to climb in and out of them often?

Consider this a word of caution…a piece of friendly advice to any woman out there contemplating buying swimwear. Get a tankini or rock a bikini but under no circumstances should you get a one piece. It’s the most annoying thing to have to climb in and out of one every so often that nature calls. Now there are those people who may say just go about your business in the water…as my niece would say ‘grosshana!’. That’s super gross.

Coming out of the water and trying to get out of the swimsuit and back in again is just torture. Argh! So instead of getting one of these as seen at Figleaves (yes I know they’re pretty – that’s why I got one…)

Opt for one of these more practical but equally impressive little numbers…

Cute, right and so difficult to tell the difference! From Figleaves

or

Removable straps – Asos

There are loads out there to choose from. Just do yourself a favour and make sure it’s a 2-piece!

Hugs,

xx

Count Your Blessings – Week 6

Mon 28: The Special One had a bad day and so we spent the whole evening together, talking and making plans. Usually our evenings are split into reading/writing time and then together time. Tonight was just together time.

Tue 29: I speak to my Mom almost everyday thanks to the fact that despite her being in Africa, I pay the cost of a local call.

Wed 30: while meditating this morning a friend popped into my head. We went to high school together (many years ago) and are friends on facebook but have essentially lost touch. I sent her a message and now we’ll be meeting up later this month when we go home 🙂

Thu 1: today I booked my Reiki II course, bought The Special One’s birthday gift, got my Mom a few things and realised that I am blessed a) to have a job and b) that I enjoy it.

Fri 2: What I thought would be a boring evening turned out to be a fun one. Friday turned out to have not one party but two!

Sat 3: One of my greatest pleasures is putting a smile on The Special One’s face. On Saturday I got to see him with one of the biggest smiles ever when he saw his best friend waiting to have lunch with us to celebrate his birthday.

Sun 4: Another chilled out Sunday at home. Simple pleasures 🙂

What will this week have in store?

Thanks for reading.
x

Count Your Blessings – Week 5

I think we can all find things that we are grateful for if we look beyond the negatives. Sometimes we become so engrossed in all that is bad or going wrong that we forget the little things that make us smile. So this is what my week has looked like…

Monday 21st: Today was my graduation at the Royal Festival Hall. Thankfully because people believed in me, this day was made possible.

Tuesday 22nd: I got to spend real quality time with The Special One.

Wednesday 23rd: Had a good meeting where I got to put my skills as a coach into action and saw results.

Thursday 24th: Someone drove into the back of our car while I was stationery. The damage was minimal and no one was hurt. Yes it was inconvenient and caused a minor traffic jam but there was a bright side…no whiplash 😉

Friday 25th: Friday traffic home was not bad at all which meant that I got home at a decent time and got to spend more time with The Special One…that’s always a bonus.

Saturday 26th: Went to a 1 year old’s birthday party and felt blessed to have such good friends.

Sunday 27th: We slept late, popped over to the shops and did a bit of shopping then came home, cooked, made milk (cashew and rice) and chilled…togetherness…bliss 🙂

The week is well underway by now…will you be counting your blessings?

Thanks for reading.

x

Count Your Blessings – Week 4

It’s the little things that reminds me that I have so much to be grateful for. Or when I hear a story about something or someone and realise that the fact that I have a job is a blessing. Or the fact that I actually do have a little bit of money in the bank is a blessing – even if I can’t afford ALL the clothing I want. I think I take a lot for granted which is why this weekly post helps me see the multitude of blessings that pass my way on a daily basis.

Monday 14th Nov: Received an email from a friend from way back. We usually only speak about once a year and yet it’s always good to hear from her.

Tuesday15th Nov: Got a lot of work done while having a laugh at the office. I am blessed with cool colleagues that help make the day go by easier.

Wednesday 16th Nov: I was meant to go to an event run by a friend’s spiritual teacher. I ended up going to the wrong station because of incorrect info on their confirmation email. Angry thoughts ran through my mind because of the frustration of not being able to go as I would be late. Then I realised that this hiccup meant extra time with…yes, you guessed it, The Special One.

Thursday 17th Nov: Had dinner with a couple of friends from uni (I recently completed my Masters in HR). The course was only 2 years and yet I think that I’ve made 3 friends who will be around for a lot longer than that.

Friday 18th Nov: It was a long day at work. Very long. I finished much later than I expected to but it was a fulfilling day. No time was wasted though. There was some training, listening, planning. It was a good day.

Saturday 19th Nov: Had a lie in this morning with The Special One. We don’t get to do this very often and it was soooo lovely to just chill for an extra hour or two.

Sunday 20th Nov: Woke up from a dream that involved an ex and realised that I am truly blessed to have found The Special One and have him in my life.

And on that soppy note…what are you grateful for?

Thanks for reading.

x

Count Your Blessings – Week 3

I am a little late in writing this post but things have been busy at work. Another thing to be thankful for, isn’t it? That I have a job where the work isn’t declining which means that it is pretty secure. Yes, definitely a blessing.

So…the week that was. Here goes…

Monday: Now this was a pretty ‘normal’ day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. Things ticked along nicely. Blessing? Yes indeed.

Tuesday: I was getting my lunch from a shop and thought I’d buy little chocolate bunnies that were on offer to take to my meeting. There were smiles all round as I handed them out. What a great feeling. It’s the little things 🙂

Wednesday: Driving home that evening the moon was out. It was full, big and beautiful. It also reminded me that I wanted to fast on the next full moon. Such beauty from this light in the sky.

Thursday: I finished my meeting earlier than expected. The journey back was 2 hours long and I had pre-booked my train tickets and usually you have to travel at the time stated on the ticket. I thought I’d take a chance and lo and behold the man at the ticket office said that I could get the next train leaving in 2 minutes at no extra cost!

Friday: I realised that my will is stronger than I thought. I fasted all day on Thursday despite being surrounded by sweet smelling doughnuts and the lunch my colleagues ordered looked so good. Imagine what I can achieve when I set my mind to it.

Saturday: The Special One and I spent a lovely afternoon at the Mind Body Spirit festival in London. We made our way over to the Vitamix stand even though we already have one and got some great ideas including ways to recycle our food waste. Now my carrots, shallots and onions in the garden are being fed ‘raw food’ too 🙂

Sunday: We chilled. We laughed. We watched a few episodes of The Mentalist. We enjoyed each others company. I felt grateful for what we have in our relationship.

What are you thankful for? How has your week been blessed so far?

Thanks for reading.

x

 

 

Curly Hair ‘Fun’ With Henna

When I placed my wishlist order from Sheabutter Cottage last month I included an extra treat – henna and amla. I love using henna to colour my hair. I like the ideaof using natural products so henna is perfect. Also, I read somewhere (in a few places) that henna is good for curly hair.

It’s a bit of a process though. I mixed the henna and amla powder together with some warm rooibos (redbush) tea to form a thick paste. You don’t want it to be runny otherwise it’ll be running down your face/neck. I left it to ‘brew’ for a couple of hours (I had time to kill) and then started the application process. Henna is not fun to apply – it’s not awful – but it’s not fun. The difficulty is getting in onto all the hair – in my case, that’s what I find. I end up packing it on my hair massaging it a bit and hoping for the best 🙂

The first pic shows you what I look like once it’s all packed on and wrapped around my head. This is to prepare for step 2…wrapping my head in cling film. Yes, that’s right…cling film. Firstly, it’s very difficult for anything to escape from under the wrapping and secondly, I think the heat probably helps the henna ‘take’ a bit better. Step 3 is to wrap it up again in a scarf or in this case, a bandanna. I was going to sleep with the henna in my hair so needed the additional protection.

In the morning, I was prepared for rinse after rinse after rinse after rinse…you get the picture. It started with me bent over the bath just letting the water run over my hair. Then after a few minutes, the massaging started to loosen up the think chunks of henna. Once the big bits were out then I used some of the Inecto Coconut conditioner and worked that through my hair. It has great slip and I find it perfect to use for rinsing out the henna.

A couple of Inecto/bath rinses and I was ready for the shower. I have never been able to get the water running clear after the first day of rinsing. Never. And I spend a long time in the bath and shower trying to get it all out. Don’t worry if you can’t get it all out – just be sure to dry your hair before putting on clothes otherwise the colour will transfer from your wet hair. And use towels that you’re willing to discolour. I use old t-shirts instead of towels anyway so am not fussed about them getting a little orange.

I always do a deep conditioning treatment following a henna application – it just makes the colour…almost…pop! I follow my same curly hair routine afterwards – co-washing and conditioning, sealing with oils, deep conditioning as often as I can remember.

I wish the sun would come out so I could take photos to show the vibrant colour. I used the flash in the pics below but it doesn’t really show what it’s like. The colour is lovely and rich.

There was a bit of henna that wasn’t used so I’ve wrapped that in some cling film and chucked it in the freezer. I’ll save that for the weekend before we go on holiday to do a henna gloss. But I’ll save that for another post.

Have you tried henna before?

Thanks for reading.

ps…I promise to work on the picture quality next time 😉

x

A Week of Blessings – Week 2

So here we are at the end of another week. Have you been keeping track of all the blessings that have come your way this week?

Here are mine:

Monday…After a long day, we wanted to unwind a bit and watch a movie. Looking at the clock on the oven it said it was 21h10…bit late for a movie considering we had work the next day. We decided to watch anyway. When we got to the lounge the clock said 20h10. Whoo hooo!! We gained a whole hour 😀 Now I get excited every time I see the oven clock and realise it’s actually an hour ahead.

Tuesday…A work conference in London meant a train, a tube and a bus journey (I went via uni). Everything ran like clockwork. The usual delays that I experience or hear others lament about didn’t get me…it was a public transport delight 🙂

Wednesday…Despite having an extremely irritating cough, I slept right through the night and woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. Also, I had to do quite a bit of driving around the M25 motorway and there were no delays. My meetings all started on time. Nice.

Thursday…As a result of a really productive meeting I learnt that I shouldn’t be judgemental and allow opinions of people to form without seeing the full picture. Isn’t it nice to be able to learn from positive situations as well. 🙂

Friday…The Special One went out on his monthly dinner with his boys (some ex colleagues). I took the opportunity to have some pamper time. I also decided to watch a movie. While watching Remember Me, The Special One messaged to say he was on his way home (yay!)…he was home for the end of the movie when I needed a hug and a tissue. Why do they make movies like that???

Saturday…I was supposed to meet a group of women for a ramble through Borough Market in the morning (I didn’t know them – they were from a meetup group). I couldn’t find the coffee shop where we were meant to meet before setting off. Also, I couldn’t connect to the internet on my phone so couldn’t look for directions or find the number of the organiser. Anyhooo so I set off on my own and had a great time. It was so good to chill and take in everything that is Borough Market.

Sunday…The Special One and I went for a walk in our local area after breakfast. I got to kick sooooo many leaves it was awesome. I haven’t done that in years. It was like all these gorgeous crunchy leaves were waiting for me. Hehe.

Have a great and blessed week.

Thanks for reading.

x

Review of Hairveda Amala Deep Cleanse

My order from British Curlies has arrived and the first of my curly hair products that I decided to use is the sulphate free shampoo. This shampoo (note that it isn’t actually called ‘shampoo’) is what is commonly known as a low-poo because it sulphate free and isn’t damaging to curly hair. I used it this morning and can tell you that this is gonna become a staple product in my curly hair routine. I’m thinking it’s a once a week product – well at least for me. The label recommended a pre-poo (oiling your hair before you shampoo it for added protection) and so I used the Hairveda CoCasta Shikakai Oil on my hair the night before and chucked on a shower cap so my hair got a nice deep treatment before the shampoo in the morning. It had a decent amount of lather, not like typical sulphate shampoos though so don’t expect lots of suds. The smell was really nice – clean and fresh. I really felt like my scalp was clean and my hair wasn’t stripped or dry or straw-like after, just nice and moisturised. Yes, it’s a keeper.

PRO’s

• Great price (£6.95 here)
• Doesn’t dry hair
• Clean smell
• A little goes a long way

CON’s

• None yet 🙂

Ps…I am sitting with henna on my hair and my head is wrapped in cling film…now that’s definitely a post in the making. Ciao!

Thanks for reading.

x

Walk Jog Run

That’s how I started out…walk-jog-run. Ok, I may not be getting the running bit right BUT I am getting out there. I registered on the Jogging Buddy website a few weeks ago with the hope of meeting someone to go running with. My problem is that I want to run outside but I don’t want to go on my own. I read a few profiles, made contact with one lady and today was the day that we arranged to meet. I felt a bit nervous. Almost like a first date kind of nervous. Hehe. I thought she was a beginner. I knew she could do 11/12 minute miles which is pretty good. After the last run I did, I figured out that my pace was 12.50 minute miles. So I had a bit of catching up to do to reach her pace. We set out on a faster pace than I’m accustomed to. It was good though because I wanted someone to push me a little. I’m not good at doing that for myself. We started chatting and she tells me that she’s done the London Marathon. Um HELLO!! Where did I get the idea that she’s a beginner? I have no idea. Must have just made that up in my mindball (aka head).

I felt pretty proud of the fact that I managed to run for 3.5km before desperately asking if we could walk for a bit. It also gave me a chance to pull up my jogging bottoms. Thankfully it was late and dark so not many people got to see me flashing some skin. Methinks these jogging bottoms may be a bit too big around the waist. I’m not really sure how to keep them up though since they have no tie at the waist. I bought some new ones which I collected yesterday. Tried them on and they were great. Perfect fit. Made me feel all Sporty Spice 🙂 Did a  twirl in the mirror and they were…see through. Good enough reason to return them? No way dude! Not the way these babies fit. I’m just going to make sure I wear a long enough top and I’ll be fine. It’s not every  day that you find jogging bottoms that fit this good. Well, not in my case.

So, back to the run. The 3.5km point was actually at the top of the hill. The walk was my reward for getting to the top. During the walk she warned me that there was another hill coming up. The last one…but…a gradual one. Gradual, she said. She told me that it took her 10 runs before she could run up the whole way without stopping. I said I’d go for it and we started off on our jog again. Boy was this hill tough. I didn’t make it all the way up to the top. The road turned and at each turn I saw it kept going up. So we started walking and ended up walking all the way back.

In the end it took just under 50 minutes to walk-jog-run 5.5km. Some snails probably go faster than that! But at least I got out there. I found a jogging buddy, we had our first ‘date’ and we’ve agreed to another. I may even redo some of the C25K weeks on my own in the mornings. It’s the best walk jog run plan I’ve seen and I know it works because I finished it before but only it was in the gym. And life outside is a whole different pace.

Thanks for reading.

x

Hair of the Day?

I’ve noticed that lots of bloggers do ‘look of the day’, ‘outfit of the day’, ‘nails of the day’…so I thought maybe ‘hair of the day’ would be appropriate in my case? The only problem is, I don’t change my hairstyle every day so that would be a pretty boring post to read day in and day out. So…when I try a different product or change my curly hair routine then I will post about it. Deal? Probably a little better than seeing a picture of my hair every day and me looking exactly the same.

So this is what my hair looked like just before I went to a conference for work. I’d say it was around 10h15 – about 15 minutes before I left home.

When The Special One saw me around 21h00 he complimented me and said how nice my hair looked. That’s pretty cool – a style that still looks good 12 hours later.

What did I use?

I rinsed out my hair in the shower using Inecto Conditioner which was mixed with water (it was the last bit in the bottle). Then conditioned with Tresemme Naturals and left it in. On top of that I applied some Aubrey Organics Hair Moisturising Jelly. I don’t like my hair to feel hard so if I apply too much jelly and it gets hard then just running my fingers through my hair softens it enough and still leaves it looking good. People feel they have the right to touch my hair – must be the curls – and I don’t want to be one of those “Do NOT touch my hair” kinda people. I like The Special One to touch my hair, feel softness and then to try and run his fingers through my hair…

Exciting news!! I ordered everything that I’d written about in this post and they arrived today 🙂 So I’ll be trying these out during the rest of the week. British Curlies threw in a sample of the Hairveda Vatika Frosting to use as a pre-poo. Nice. Oh, and I ordered some henna and amla from Sheabutter Cottage so will be colouring my hair on Friday night while The Special One is out with the guys.

I’ll definitely let you know how that goes…the pics may be a bit gruesome!

Right, bedtime.

Thanks for reading.

x

A Week of Blessings – Week 1

I try and stay positive through whatever Life throws at me. While I don’t always succeed at it, for the most part I manage to look at the bright side, see a silver lining or a light at the end of the tunnel (you get the picture). I think that sometimes when something goes wrong or isn’t working the way we expect it to, we focus only on that one thing and fail to step back and look at the bigger picture and see where things went right and did work out exactly as we wanted it to. Or we want the big thing to happen and beat ourselves up about it and don’t consider that little (positive) things have been happening that may lead to the big thing. Make sense?

Which brings me to the title of this post. I have decided that no matter what type of week I’ve had or am having, I will record 1 good thing for each day and post it every Sunday. It reminds me of a hymn I remember from my childhood…”Count your blessings, name them one by one”. So that’s the plan – every Sunday I’ll post my week of blessings with the aim of remembering that I’m too blessed to be stressed 🙂

Monday – 24th Oct – I had to make a detour on the way into work (adding an extra half hour onto my journey) to pick up a colleague and he had a hot cup of peppermint tea waiting for me…nice.

Tuesday – 25th Oct – I went to Bristol and on the 2 hour drive back it was raining but I had a gorgeous rainbow to look at 🙂

Wednesday – 26th Oct – Seems like the rainbow followed me…I was making a 2 hour journey back from Portsmouth and it started storming and again a rainbow came out to greet me.

Thursday – 27th Oct – Movie night got cancelled (we go and watch a silent movie once a month) which meant that I got back in time to return some clothes I’d bought online and The Special One suggested we get Nandos for dinner (veggie option – yum)

Friday – 28th Oct – I wasn’t too impressed that a meeting got cancelled really late on Thursday night. I decided to stay at home and play catch up on some work. Around lunch time I got to see how our garden comes alive with visits from birds and squirrels.

Saturday – 29 Oct – The meditation class that I went to didn’t happen as the person who was meant to open the room didn’t turn up. I was really looking forward to this. The venue is part of a garden centre and while walking back to the car I decided to have a browse around. A few hours later I had carrots, onions and shallots planted in the garden 🙂 I’ve been wanting to get some veggies for ages.

Sunday – 30 Oct – It was a perfect day. The Special One and I chilled, did some work, watched a few shows.

So that is the week that was. So much to be thankful for. So much to look forward to.

Thanks for reading.

x

Curly hair + Rain = Frizz?

Rain always used to fill me with despair because it usually meant that no matter what I did, my hair would always end up frizzy. Note that I used the words “used to”. My research into all things curly hair and related topics brought me to my fountain of curly hair information…aka British Curlies. It was here that I learnt my most valuable anti-frizz lesson. If your hair has sufficient moisture then it won’t need to absorb moisture from the air and go frizzy. 

Basically what this means is that you must lock in enough moisture before you venture outside. Figuring that out was a proper light bulb moment. Suddenly it all made sense.

It rained today and the pictures in this post were taken at midnight – so a whole day of being exposed to rain and moisture. Look! No frizz 😀 (See if you can spot The Special One)

What did I do? Well yesterday I didn’t use any stylers, I just left the conditioner in my hair so this morning I didn’t co-wash, I rinsed my hair. Still in the shower, I conditioned again using the last of my Tresemme Naturals conditioner (currently mixed with some water to make it last longer). I didn’t rinse that out and once I was out of the shower I sealed in the moisture with Hairveda CoCasta Shikakai Hair Oil – it smells gorgeous! I then squeezed in a bit of Inecto Pure Coconut Conditioner and for good measure topped it with a little (50p size) bit of Aubrey Organics Mandarin Magic Moisturising Jelly. I didn’t apply loads of product and so despite having two conditioners, oil and a ‘jelly’ on my hair, it didn’t feel heavy or weighed down and certainly didn’t look like it was laden with hair products.

No need for feelings of despair when the rain comes. Now I can go out and look for the rainbows, sing…and shuffle.

Thanks for reading.

x

5k, hills & Denise van Outen

 

On Saturday 22nd October my friend (we’ll call her MK) and I ran the 5k Shock Absorber Women Only run in support of breast cancer care. This was the first time I ran more that I walked and I can proudly say that I finished in 40 minutes. So what that someone finished in under 20 minutes – I am really proud of my own achievement and will not measure myself according to someone else’s standards.

She says…

Denise van Outen was at the run and took part in the 5k. Now I’m not sure who she is but I do know that she’s famous or at least has celebrity status. And I came in 4 seconds ahead of her. I’m sure that she normally runs a lot faster than 40:04 and she was taking her time enjoying the beautiful view. I still came in 4 seconds faster…mwaah haaa haaa! (Not that I’m measuring myself according to someone else…of course) 😉

Ok, so enough gloating. I’m really glad I went and did that run. I thought I would have to go alone and was making excuses to myself about why I shouldn’t go, then MK called and said she was still going. I expected it to be a flat course – it was a fun run after all – but I was proven wrong fairly early in the run. We did well to run the first mile at a decent pace but I think it may have been a little too fast because we needed to walk once we went past that 1 mile marker. Pretty soon a hill approached and MK says to me “never walk up a hill, you always run up”. She was serious and so MK and I conquered every single hill we encountered along that 5 km route. With our timing chips securely fastened to our shoelaces, victory was ours as we sprinted across the finish line.

For the first time I felt like a real runner. It was a good feeling. A feeling I’d like to experience again. Let’s see how I do at the 5k Red Run next month for World AIDS Day. Two years ago I’d never have thought that running would be something I enjoyed!

Thanks for reading.

x

Ps…this is my Just Giving page for the 5k Red Run. Feel free to donate a penny or a pound, a rand or a dollar or any other currency you have to help people affected by HIV and AIDS.

India Arie Inspiration – Butterfly

While driving home from work today I didn’t feel much like listening to the talk radio show that usually accompanies me on my journeys. I tend to listen to talk radio because I’ve not yet found a radio station that always plays music that I enjoy listening to. So I decided to play the music that I have on my phone. I have a new phone and haven’t yet figured out how to shuffle the tracks so I just let them play in alphabetical order…doh! It was cool though and pretty soon I was singing along to a track that I’d not heard much – India Arie’s ‘Butterfly‘.

I really love India Arie’s music – filled with such positive messages. If you haven’t heard her music I suggest you listen to Video and Can I Walk With You – these are a couple of my favourites. The message that I get from ‘Butterfly’ is: be yourself, keep developing and you reap what you sow. Not many songs these days talk about things like this or use the kind of language she uses. It’s a pretty song. But today the line that really stood out to me was ‘You are what you attracted’. My mind twisted it around though and what I heard was ‘you attract what you are’ or something like that. It got me thinking about the people who we attract into our lives. Specifically those who we allow to get close to us. Then I thought about The Special One and the fact that I first spoke to him about one and a half years before we started dating. I even saw him (professionally) in those one and a half years leading up to us actually becoming a couple and…nothing. Not from my side and not from his either..we have discussed this. I think it was the Universe keeping us apart because we weren’t ready for the amazing union  that is now us.

Why would the Universe do this to us? Because neither of us were ready.

I’ve had a string of few relationships that have just not gone well at all. Looking back now I realise that the people who I attracted actually fed into all of the issues I had about myself. They fed my negative sense of self worth, my low self esteem etc etc. Because I wasn’t ‘whole’ I ended up seeking out (I believe sub consciously but I have a few friends who will argue that point) and attracting people who weren’t ‘whole’ either. The saying ‘Two halves don’t make a whole’ has never been more true than when it comes to relationships. Whole does not mean perfect. Trust me, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. By whole I mean that I reached a point in my life where I really did love myself with all my faults. And it is only at that point that I was able to really love someone else. I didn’t need someone else to love me to make up for any faults of mine. It’s enough for me to be loved because I am me and not because of this and despite that. Self-acceptance seems to be so hard though. We so easily forgive others and accept the wrong-doings (within reason) of others but we are so very hard on ourselves. But a few years ago, after much lecturing by a very good friend (so maybe it wasn’t lecturing) I slowly started being a bit more lenient on myself. I learnt to walk around naked. I began the process of loving myself. Then, when the time was right, the Universe turned The Special One and I to face each other and sprinkled ‘you’re ready now’ dust on us.

Phew…that was a bit of a ramble for a Friday night eh? The moral of the story? In order to live the greatest love story and make it your own, you have to start with the person looking back at you in the mirror.

Thanks for reading.

x

My Wishlist – Curly Hair Products

My favourite sites to frequent for curly hair products porn (not in a “get your mind out of the gutter” way) are:

British Curlies Emporium

Sheabutter Cottage

My recent escapades across these sites have seen me add these products to my wishlist:

MY Honey Child: Honey Hair Mask

This product sounds like it will be absolutely lush. Honey and coconut milk…now how can you say no to a combination like that? Definitely on my wishlist, especially as it’s £9 which doesn’t break the bank judging by the prices of some of the other products from this range.

 

 

 

 

Hairveda – Amala Deep Cleanse

I co-wash and so don’t use a shampoo or a low-poo (if these terms are foreign, don’t worry…check out the British Curlies forum for guidance) so wouldn’t normally buy a cleansing product. I do think that it would be good to do a deep cleanse once in a while. At £6.95 for 8oz – this product is probably going to last a few months and will fit into my budget nicely 🙂

 

 

 

 

Sheabutter Cottage – Unrefined Shea Butter 

This is an amazing product. Unlike the other two above, I have used this before. It’s one of those products you can use from head to toe. I use shea butter as part of a deep treatment – usually it’s the last thing I add on my hair before wrapping it up. Just rub it in my hands to melt it a bit and squeeze it into my hair. It also makes a great body moisturiser, especially during winter. A 200g jar is £8.60 and you don’t need much of it – just be sure to give it a good rub between your hands to melt it first and it will go a long way.

 

 

   

Sheabutter Cottage – Shea Oil 

I’ve not tried this oil before but I do like to experiment and as Akua (that’s the name of the lovely lady who     runs Sheabutter Cottage) has so many oils to choose from, I keep trying a new one whenever the budget         allows a little splurge. Although at £4.70 for 100ml, it can hardly be called a splurge, right?

 

 

 

So that’s it for now. The list could probably go on and on but we’ll stop here…for now 😉

Thanks for reading.

x

Time for a Winter Curly Hair Routine

The mornings are getting colder and it’s getting more difficult to leave the warm haven of my bed…especially as my husband only leaves for work about 3 hours after I do. (Aaaaah,  I do love saying ‘husband’)

My current (normal) curly hair routine is this:

• Every morning rinse hair in the shower (or co-wash)
• Condition (leave it on while I’m washing)
• Rinse hair (usually leave some conditioner in)
• Get out of shower and squeeze out excess water
• Add more conditioner as leave-in
• Add styler (sometimes I skip this step)
• Plop (read as ‘wrap hair in t-shirt’)
• Just before I leave the house – remove t-shirt

So this is my routine. Most days I drive to the office or to one of our stores. Usually by the time I reach the office my hair is still wet. It’s an hour long drive. Now that winter is starting to settle in – albeit slowly – I am starting to think about what my options are for a winter hair routine. My curly hair loves water and product and takes soooo long to dry.

The way I see it, my options are:

1. keep doing the same routine
2. wake up earlier so there’s time to dry my hair
3. do my hair at night

Weighing up the pros and cons of each option, it looks like option 2 wins. Option 1 means that I leave the house with wet hair, get to work with wet hair. It also means that I can’t wrap up warm with a scarf or my beloved snood because my hair will be…wet. Option 3 means that I’ll have to fit all my hair (I have a lot of hair) into a shower cap while I’m having a shower. I have to shower in the morning – if I don’t then I feel…not dirty, but something close to that, all day. Maybe my husband, who shall henceforth be known as The Special One, and I can get into bed a little earlier then it won’t feel so bad getting out of bed half an hour earlier.

Me and my snood (taken last winter)

Actually, I’ve given it some thought. Going to bed earlier won’t make me feel any better about waking up earlier. It will feel good though 🙂

If anyone has a better winter curly hair routine to offer, I’m all ears.

Thanks for reading

x

Running to a better me

I discovered running a while ago and although I was off to a slow, a very slow start, I eventually started to enjoy it. The farthest that I’ve run is 5k and that’s only on the treadmill. This was quite an achievement as I can still remember earlier this year struggling to jog for 45 seconds – and I’m not kidding!

I’ve been inspired by an ex boss who lost loads of weight through running – despite eating loads of doughnuts! I’m combining the fitness with a healthy eating plan though for maximum results. Having been overweight for as long as I can remember, I decided that enough was enough and it was time for a change. Setting the wedding date really sealed the deal for me. We always said that we’d wait until we were married before we had kids. So with the wedding date in the calendar it meant that actually having kids became a real reality (I know that sounds crazy). I want to be the kind of mum who can run around with her kids and not just watch from the sidelines because I’m too heavy and my body can’t handle it.

Blogs are another source of inspiration. Dedicated running websites show you runners but you get the feeling that these are elite athletes…that it all comes so easy to them. I prefer blogs because these are real people who have decided to share their stories with others. One of these blogs is Fat Girl Running – reading it is like listening to one of my girlfriends chatting to me – love it!

Over the past 2.5 weeks I haven’t been to the gym at all. (I just slapped my own hand) In my defense, I’ve not been completely inactive. I still climb the one flight of stairs at home so I can go to bed…hehe. I’ve really enjoyed the Zumba demo on my Xbox Kinect. And I battled my way through some of the tracks on Dance Central. See, it hasn’t been all bad. But it’s just not enough. My girls are there for me though. A quick call to them and a conversation about going to the park for some exercise and they were in. Yay for girlfriends 🙂

I have to meet them in 12 hours and I best get some sleep. I’m looking forward to it. I can certainly do with the exercise. I’ll let you know how it went.

Thanks for reading

x

Novalash Eyelash Extensions

In 12 hours (at the time of writing this post) I will be married for 2 weeks 🙂 I decided that for my wedding day I would like to try eyelash extensions. I first came to know about them when I was getting waxed by the lovely Alison of Scarlet and Hollywood in Islington – a fab salon. Her eyelashes were amazing and I asked her what mascara she was using. Then she dropped the bombshell…it wasn’t mascara – they were extensions. I had a bit of a 30 Rock moment when she told me about it…

And so I was introduced to fabulous Christoph, of Make Me Over Christoph, who is the sweetest makeup artist/eyelash wizard. My appointment was booked for 4 weeks before the wedding to test them. I absolutely loved my new lashes. They felt great – I had no adverse reaction to them. I hardly noticed them at all and the upkeep was so simple. Apply some oil at night and then just brush in the morning. What more could I ask for? Some days (should read many days) I left the house with no makeup on because my lashes were enough.

Strangers were complimenting my lashes. Guys at work (yes, men) were commenting on how amazing my lashes were. On a couple of occasions a girlfriend warned me that I was getting a bit porno with my eyelash fluttering *blush*.

The minute they were on I felt very superstar – think Audrey Hepburn or Bridget Bardot.

I had a top up the day before the wedding. Up to that date (4 weeks before the first application) people were still commenting on how amazing they looked!

WARNING***These photos make me look a bit crazy!

As a treat, I recommend these lashes to every single woman. You should try it at least once. You’ll probably go back for more.

Thanks for reading.

x

Wedding hair and cardinal sins

I recently got married (well at the time of writing this post I have been married for 10 days)…the honeymoon is going to happen in a couple of months time – sunny Christmas…whoo hooo!!

As a devout curly girl and lover of all things natural when it comes to my hair, I was determined to wear my curls proudly on my wedding day. Problem with being a curly girl (or at least this is what I’ve found) is finding a hair stylist that you can trust. The only stylist who has gone near my hair in the last 2 years is Carlos Flores who is based in New York. This really sucks as he only comes to London twice a year and wasn’t around at the time of the wedding.

So the curl genius wasn’t going to be in the UK at the time of the wedding I decided to go have a chat to the creative director at the salon where I usually go for my me-time treats. In no time he had convinced me that I needed to wear the front of my hair straight because it needed ‘softening’. Um…excuse me…so every other day of the year my face looks hard?? Anyway, I bought it. Hook, line and sinker.

I had a photo of the hair style I wanted. I walked out of the salon looking nothing like that. He said that it was too high fashion and that I’d look too dated with a hairstyle like that. So instead I ended up with most of my hair getting blow-dried straight and then he curled some of it as well. Ironic eh? Me with curly hair getting it straightened and then curls tonged into them? Go figure. Needless to say, by the time the speeches were finished my hair was in frizz city!

This wasn’t the only thing that peeved me about my hair experience. The day before the wedding I went into the salon for a treatment and cut.
1. The lady washing my hair…wait for it…rubbed (yes I said rubbed) my hair with a towel. Normally I would have lashed out at her but I realised that she was uneducated in the ways of curly hair and I was determined to maintain a blissful state in the hours leading up to the wedding.
2. He cut my hair wet – stretched it and cut it. Thankfully I can’t see that it did too much damage – I don’t look like I have any holes in my head.
3. He didn’t work with what I had – my curls – and did what he felt comfortable with.

The programme for the day was: ceremony followed by lunch, a break for a couple of hours then a party into the wee hours of the morning. After lunch we went to our hotel to check in and rest up a bit before the party and I promised my brother-in-law that I would get rid of the frizz (he’s a joker).  So I had a shower, washed all the CRAP out of my hair (twice) and then chucked on loads of conditioner and got ready to party. I looked at the photos and while I like the wedding pics, I still think that I could have gotten away with being a true curly girl.

Me at the ceremony

Me at the party

Personally, I think I prefer party me. What do you think?

Ps…I must say this in closing. It was the BEST day of my life. EVER. If I had to do it all again without changing a thing, I would.

Thanks for reading.
x

My staples

I’ve always been a ‘less is more’ kinda girl (at 35 I can still say girl, right?). Where staples are concerned, I have only a few. Let me introduce you to them:

Inecto Pure Coconut Conditioner from Superdrug. I love this stuff. I use this conditioner to co-wash, condition, leave-in and deep treat. It rocks. I have not found a more versatile conditioner than this one. Best of all, it’s easy on the pocket and it goes a long way.

Tresemme Naturals Conditioner.This is a new addition to my range of staples. There was a lot of chatter on British Curlies about this product and so I decided to give it a try. Currently it lives in the shower which means that it’s being used to co-wash and condition and occasionally used as a leave-in.  I really like it. Again, it doesn’t break the budget and does the job…nicely.

Curly Hair Solutions Curl Keeper is the best styler I have ever come across. I’ve had my hair cut by Carlos Flores (whom I like to refer to as the Curl Guru) and he recommended that I find a gel that is not sticky. This product meets that requirement and it is quite runny. At £16 a bottle, it’s not cheap but I think it is value for money as I’ve had this bottle for at least 2 months and it’s only half way. You can buy it here. It’s water based and so there’s no product build up as it rinses out.

Komaza Care Coconut Hair Pudding is another product from British Curlies. I should add here that British Curlies is where my hair education really began and I am eternally grateful (yeah it sounds corny but it’s true) to all the contributors who aided me in getting to know how to care for my hair. Another great styler.

I will use at least 2 of these products every day. That’s why they’re called staples. I have various oils, mostly the kind found in a kitchen, that I use for deep treatments or to seal in moisture after co-washing. We’ll talk about that another day.

Thanks for reading.

x

Welcome to Curls Running Free

Hello,

This is my second attempt at creating a blog. What can you expect to read here? Well I’m a little obsessed by my hair and have been for a little while now. So there’ll be quite a lot written about my curls and hair products. And then there’s this obsession to be able to run for 5km without stopping. I’m working on that so you’ll have the pleasure eof reading all about it. Lucky you! Other than that there’ll be random musings on whatever takes my fancy.

Thanks for coming along this journey with me. I hope you enjoy the ride.

Thanks for reading.
x