My Letter For Never

Dear You,

I read something beautiful a while ago that said some of what I want to say to you.

“I never delivered anywhere near as many hugs as I had hoped to. We fell way short of the number of kisses I’d hoped we’d share. We laughed plenty, spoke a lot, enjoyed each other’s presence, but it was never quite enough.”

I’ll never finish this lifetime with you even though he said we’d spent several together before this one. And that’s ok. Maybe we’ve finally learned everything we needed to from each other.

I’ll never be by your side when you finally realise your purpose and your power and step into it. And that’s ok. What matters is that this happens for you. I don’t need a front row seat. I’ll always be cheering for you, even if I’m just watching on the big screen.

I’ll never find my place in the sunshine with you. And that’s ok. We can still find sunshine even though we’re apart.

We’ll never give Baby Girl a family with two parents to grow up with, in the same house, who loved each other deeply and could show her how two people should treat each other. But that’s ok. This is about feelings that don’t exist. And so it’s really ok “because you can’t deny statistics. This isn’t uncommon. These days most marriages and failures break up at some point.” Oh and “no pressure”.

I had so many hopes for us, for our family. But in a short time, I’ve learned that hope is a waste of energy. But that’s ok. You see, I shouldn’t have had hope in the first place. Because she said that your marriage and child are the “problems we have.” We = you + her. She said that “these things can be overcome.” Things = you + me and our daughter. Our Baby Girl is not a thing to be overcome. She referred to us, these things, as “practical issues that you (both) can deal with over time.” This is who you are in love with – of course you can’t control your heart. The biggest issue, she says, is emotion. Yours and hers. Yes, that definitelyย seems to be the biggest issue here.

This has gone off on a tangent!

So, my love, remember this when the pain gets too much to bear. Remember her words, “but if you’re really in love then it’s worth the pain, anguish, tension and wait.”

Crazy Love (was never) Forever

Thanks for reading x

I’ve asked him not to read this because of the pain it will cause and it will probably anger him too. I remember the pain I felt when reading the quoted words. Writing is a way of processing all the emotions I feel. So I write my pain away.

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