Not Today

Right now, I want to disappear. I want to run away. I wouldn’t mind being dead.

I want to leave this life behind. I want to start something new where no-one knows me or my story.

But I have responsibilities. I have a daughter who needs me. So there’ll be no disappearing, running away or dying. There’ll be no leaving this life behind. Not today.

The damage I’ll cause by doing what I want to do isn’t worth it. I’m a mother. It feels like were not supposed to put needs first. No, we can’t choose our own happiness. We can’t be true to ourselves. What a joke! We have to always think about the little person who we’ve brought into this world. Or maybe this is the case for a single parent? I’m new to this single motherhood way.

Wow! This is a rant of note.

I’m not angry that I’m a mother. I’m angry that I’m a single mother. I’m angry that having a baby was a decision we came to together. I’m angry that I will have to explain how her daddy wanted to be true to himself so he left us. I’m just angry. Again.

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Thanks for reading x

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