Moving On

He moved out tonight. It came about after a ‘fight’ a few days ago which involved a pretty hurtful exchange of words via mobile messaging.

I’m not sure how many times by heart can break in the same ‘relationship’. I’ve been trying to reprogramme my brain to use language that’s indicative of the nature of our association. Not calling it ‘home’ anymore. Not referring to ‘us’ or ‘we’. One thing that I’m really struggling with are the terms of endearment. How do I suddenly stop calling him the special names that I’ve used for him for the past seven years? I don’t. I asked him if he has a problem with me still using these names and thankfully he doesn’t. I’m not used to calling him by his name despite it rolling off my tongue very smoothly when I talk about him to others. I do love the sound of his name when I’m saying it. I think it reminds me of a time before we met in person. When he was this lovely guy on the other side of a telephone who just happened to be able to solve all my (work-related) problems. Even before I had the pleasure of laying eyes on him, he was my support guy.

Anyway, I digress.

I know that without fail, he was saying goodnight to her whilst at home here with me and Baby Girl. Via mobile messaging, yes, but it was a routine that was created.

It’s 23:33 now and I’ve not heard a thing from him since he walked out the door a few hours ago. Out of sight, out of mind? I wondered what communication would be like if once we got to this stage. I won’t hold my breath for a “good night” but I thought it would be nice, you know? Considering all that we’ve been though for the past seven years. What’s a “good night” between friends, ex-lovers, parents of an amazing daughter? Seems it’s everything to me.

goodnight

 

Thanks for reading x

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