While driving home from work today I didn’t feel much like listening to the talk radio show that usually accompanies me on my journeys. I tend to listen to talk radio because I’ve not yet found a radio station that always plays music that I enjoy listening to. So I decided to play the music that I have on my phone. I have a new phone and haven’t yet figured out how to shuffle the tracks so I just let them play in alphabetical order…doh! It was cool though and pretty soon I was singing along to a track that I’d not heard much – India Arie’s ‘Butterfly‘.
I really love India Arie’s music – filled with such positive messages. If you haven’t heard her music I suggest you listen to Video and Can I Walk With You – these are a couple of my favourites. The message that I get from ‘Butterfly’ is: be yourself, keep developing and you reap what you sow. Not many songs these days talk about things like this or use the kind of language she uses. It’s a pretty song. But today the line that really stood out to me was ‘You are what you attracted’. My mind twisted it around though and what I heard was ‘you attract what you are’ or something like that. It got me thinking about the people who we attract into our lives. Specifically those who we allow to get close to us. Then I thought about The Special One and the fact that I first spoke to him about one and a half years before we started dating. I even saw him (professionally) in those one and a half years leading up to us actually becoming a couple and…nothing. Not from my side and not from his either..we have discussed this. I think it was the Universe keeping us apart because we weren’t ready for the amazing union that is now us.
Why would the Universe do this to us? Because neither of us were ready.
I’ve had a
string of few relationships that have just not gone well at all. Looking back now I realise that the people who I attracted actually fed into all of the issues I had about myself. They fed my negative sense of self worth, my low self esteem etc etc. Because I wasn’t ‘whole’ I ended up seeking out (I believe sub consciously but I have a few friends who will argue that point) and attracting people who weren’t ‘whole’ either. The saying ‘Two halves don’t make a whole’ has never been more true than when it comes to relationships. Whole does not mean perfect. Trust me, I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. By whole I mean that I reached a point in my life where I really did love myself with all my faults. And it is only at that point that I was able to really love someone else. I didn’t need someone else to love me to make up for any faults of mine. It’s enough for me to be loved because I am me and not because of this and despite that. Self-acceptance seems to be so hard though. We so easily forgive others and accept the wrong-doings (within reason) of others but we are so very hard on ourselves. But a few years ago, after much lecturing by a very good friend (so maybe it wasn’t lecturing) I slowly started being a bit more lenient on myself. I learnt to walk around naked. I began the process of loving myself. Then, when the time was right, the Universe turned The Special One and I to face each other and sprinkled ‘you’re ready now’ dust on us.
Phew…that was a bit of a ramble for a Friday night eh? The moral of the story? In order to live the greatest love story and make it your own, you have to start with the person looking back at you in the mirror.
Thanks for reading.