Nothingness

His presence made me feel like a queen. No effort required. I just felt treasured. Valued. Every word, every message from him was like a song dedicated only to me.

Today, I felt like nothing. I wasn’t even in his presence and I felt like nothing. Maybe that’s the problem? The indifference that I feel from him in his responses to messages or on phone calls makes me feel like nothing. He’ll say that what he feels isn’t indifference. He’ll say that he loves me. There’s saying things and then there’s the way that you make someone feel by your actions and your words (or lack thereof).

I want to stop caring because then I’ll stop sending messages of concern that get greeted with what appears to be indifference. I want to stop caring but I can’t, I won’t.

After seven years of caring for and loving someone, it’s not easy to just let go. It’s not easy to switch off from the way things were. After seven years, this place where I’m at now is just sh!t and I feel likeΒ nothing.

original

Thanks for reading x

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