When I learnt of his infidelity, my first thought was to go home to South Africa. Then, when the end of our marriage was a done deal, that thought became a reality.

Three weeks in and I think I’ve made a mistake. I feel displaced. I feel trapped. Everything feels inaccessible. I feel supported but from a distance bar one relationship where the embrace is real and tangible.

So what now?

Baby Girl asks for him throughout the day, every day. She asks to get on an aeroplane to go home to him. She tells me that her grandparents place where were living isn’t our home, it’s a house.

I’m freezing most of the time (yes, it actually gets cold
in winter).

There’s this ridiculous thing called load shedding where the electricity is cut for 2.5 hours at a time. Although the other day it was 4 hours long.

I haven’t exercised in ages. I’m comfort eating. All in all, I’m a mess and not being a very good mother.

I’m lost…again.


Thanks for reading x


3 thoughts on “Home

  1. Hey Michello,

    We know that feeling oh so well, when you return back home. James was depressed the first few months. Everything is so hard, it’s almost as if you’re going back in time and took ten thousand steps back. It’s very difficult, but eventually you accept SA for what it is. It got easier when we got jobs, joined the gym and kept busy. You’ll feel like this for a while still and Myka will continue asking, when will I see daddy, and when can we go home. It must break your heart as a mom. Take it one day at a time my friend, and take comfort knowing that you have a British passport. Your Ace card in all of this.
    You’ll probably be a mess for a while, but nothing lasts forever and it will get better. I know you’re probably sick and tired of hearing the same things from everyone, and you probably feeling like telling everyone to F off, and just let you be! Just know that we are here for you always!

    As for the comfort eating, you may as well enjoy what you’re eating! Lol! When you’re ready, you’ll know what needs to be done. Xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

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