The Special One (let’s call him LB in future – he’s still special but I’m reforming my ideas about the existence of The One) and I have just spent the last two weeks living in the same space as he’d come over for a holiday to spend time with Baby Girl (and me). It was really great having him here. She loved having daddy around and it felt good to be able to share parenting duties.
So what’s this protection business about? Well, I was asked a question recently that made me think about how easy it would have been to close myself off to love after the demise of my marriage. Seriously though, why would I want to open my heart to anyone if it means that maybe one day I’d experience hurt like this again? But I can’t bank on maybes and we never know what the future holds. This post may turn out to be a bit muddled but what I want to say is crystal clear (in my head).
We have an infinite capacity to love and we have the capacity (I believe) to hold love for more than one person in our hearts. That said, it is fear of being hurt that causes us to build walls around our hearts so that we don’t have to feel pain. But with those walls in place, we never allow ourselves to opportunity to experience the joy and the ecstasy of love. Why would I want to deny myself that?
I’ve mentioned my favourite book, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran before and really, he said it best…
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
Thanks for reading x